Baby, I’m Getting Better

I could leave my room, my cocoon, find the door and walk out to the sun

Well, after a couple of months of extreme stress at work, egg-induced illness over the weekend, the general hurly-burly of Easter and the circadian disruption of getting up insanely early for the ANZAC dawn service yesterday, I’m actually starting to feel human again. By this time tomorrow I might actually be up to doing useful things, rather than creeping around muttering “things, things, yes, we must do things, so many things to do” like Gollum ;D

In the meantime here are a couple of fantastic mini documentaries I’ve been meaning to promote for ages. They’re both about the urban development of London and – no! Wait! Don’t leave! They’re very entertaining! Honest!

If you doubt my recomendation (and if so, what the hell is your problem? ;)) just watch the second one, which is more polished and contains a good deal more surrealism. But honestly, you should watch them both, ideally in order.

Enjoy!

Revenge of the Eggs

The chickens are restless

Happy Belated Easter to all!

I’ve been having problems with my computer, my phone and my health this weekend (ironically I ate some bad eggs at the Galleria on Saturday – spent much of the last two days semi-comatose) which means I haven’t been able to get emails or SMS’s out to everyone – but rest assured you’ve all been in my thoughts and I should be in touch soon.

In the meantime here’s something to keep you all entertained.

Red Herring

They’re quite good at making chicken.

Over the weekend, in a spirit of scientific enquiry (and because I didn’t feel like cooking and equally didn’t feel like having chicken) I decided to check out Red Rooster’s recently added fish and chips menu.

In order to provide a valid assessment I decided to have the fisherman’s basket, which includes a little bit of everything. My findings were as follows…

Chips: The chips were, as always, excellent. 10/10

Salt and Pepper Squid: The salt and pepper squid was distinctly lacklustre. The coating was stale, floury and tasteless and the squid was oily and soft. 4/10

Prawns: The prawns were passable – there’s not much you can do to harm a prawn – but nothing really special. 5/10

Fish: The fish was pretty bad. Well, actually the fish was OK, it was the batter that was problematic. I’m not sure exactly what it tasted of – if I had to hazard a guess I’d say chipboard – and it was quite hard to chew through, which is not a quality you really want in food. Minus the batter the fish was about the quality you’d get at the average fish and chip place, which is to say passable but a bit oily – not anything you’d go out of your way to recommend. 3/10

So, my considered opinion on Red Rooster’s move into fish and chips? They’re quite good at making chicken.

A Yelp of Protest

Anti-virus programs are really just a conspiracy anyway… ;D

When I bought my new computer about a year ago it came (as is normal) with an anti-virus program installed – specifically BitDefender. Although I wasn’t familiar with this particular AV I decided to go with it, since I’d already paid for it and all and I’m a lazy bastard who couldn’t be bothered changing to something else.

As a BitDefender customer over the last year I have not been overly impressed. I mean, it worked – I haven’t (as far as I know) been infected with anything – but I was not filled with confidence. The program was always really slow to respond (you click to open it and have to wait for twenty seconds) and would crash completely out of the blue on a regular basis. But I stuck with it, for both the reasons above and because I don’t *need* a fantastically effective internet security suite as I run a pretty tight ship – I don’t download random programs, I surf with Javascript and Java switched off, I keep my OS and browser updated, I avoid dodgy sites, I don’t do social networking, I can recognise the difference between http and https and I scan all my email up on the server before downloading. On occasion I even boot into Ubuntu and scan my drives with ClamAV. I mean, I’m not immune to attack by any means, but I am tougher nut to crack than the average pleb.

So this week my BitDefender license expired. After considering switching to another program I decided it was simplest to renew it. I thought the renewal process might even fix some of the issues with speed and stability. So, off to the BitDefender site I went.

I put all my info in, chose PayPal as my payment method and submitted…

The site crashed.

Great. That’s really reassuring guys.

I decided to be charitable and assume there was problem with their PayPal integration (PayPal integration *is* a major pain). I reloaded the site in a fresh window, re-entered my data and chose to pay by credit card. I submitted, and the site crashed with exactly the same cryptic error message.

Two strikes, and out! Frack’em.

I’ve uninstalled BitDefender and am currently downloading a different AV program – one I’ve used in the past and had no problems with. Stick with what you know people!

PS: No Alice on Coast the other night. Boo!

Drug of a Nation

Teaching myself to Cyclops Rock

I watch way too much TV.

I’ve been saying this for years but it finally came home to me the other day how much time I waste staring at the idiot’s lantern. Nothing in particular prompted this – apart from realising that despite the huge number of channels now available (hey, I grew up with only 9, 7, 10 and the ABC) there’s even less actually worth watching – but I’ve nonetheless decided to do something about it.

Observe, if you will, this…

There we have it – an entire week’s worth of potential viewing marked (in red) with the only things I am really not prepared to miss. Four and a half (five if you include QI which is a special case…) hours of watchable TV over the space of five days. Wow. And look at Wednesday! There’s nothing! Incredible!

So, I’m going to do my best to resist turning on the box in between those times. Sure, I’ll probably watch Catalyst on Thursdays because it’s interesting and fills in a gap between two red zones, and I may treat myself to some Hitler oriented documentaries on SBS on Friday nights, but other than that I’ll be cutting my diet way down. Of course, I’ll probably waste the saved time looking at amusing cat videos on YouTube, but that’s gotta be better than repeats of According to Jim, right?

Right?

Next step – charting out the weekends. Off the top of my head the only thing I can think of that’s vital is the new series of The Amazing Race. Other than that I can’t think of a single show…

Later: Oh wait! There’s that History of Scotland show on Sunday night. Hoots mon!

The Crawling Chaos

The throne of Chaos where the thin flutes pipe mindlessly…

My sleep last night was disturbed by a truly odd array of noises floating in through my bedroom window. To wit…

  • Strange electric guitar warblings, sounding as if Jimmy Hendrix had taken some really bad acid.
  • Tuneless, repetitive piping on a recorder.
  • The sound of something large and metallic being dragged around the carpark.

It was positively Lovecraftian. I expected Nyarlathotep to manifest at any second.

The Weather is Trying to Kill Me

Pirates are all we can be!

Seriously. We’ve had two weeks of maximums in the mid 30’s and minimums in the low 20’s, and this week it’s ramped up to high 30’s with minimums in the mid 20’s. If it doesn’t cool down after that, I’ll be dead.

Until then, what could be cooler than a Scottish metal cover of a Eurovision song about pirates? In my opinion, nothing!

That is all.

Accosted by Nazis

Not the best way to start the day…

I don’t know if other people attract random weirdos, or if it’s just me (perhaps it’s that old ‘birds of a feather’ thing). In any case this morning on my walk to the railway station I was approached by a tall, thin individual who lit up a cigarette and proceeded to walk along side me asking questions…

“Hot isn’t it?”
“Sure is”
“Off to work?”
“Yup”

I followed my usual procedure for these circumstances, which is to keep doing whatever I’m doing and provide as little response as possible, in the hopes that the annoying freak would get the hint and leave. No such luck, as he kept at it…

“What d’ya do?”
“Computer Programming”

No point providing him with more detail than that. If he found out I was a web designer he might want a site built…

“D’ya make websites?”

So much for that strategy…

“Yup”
“How much does a good website cost these days”
“’bout $4000”
“But they can take it down right?”

Now that was an odd question. I mean it really depends on who “they” are, and a whole bunch of technical factors revolving around hosting, domain names and local jurisdictions. I decided the simplest course was just to agree with him…

“Sure can”
“Unless it’s hosted in America, yeah?”

OK… A bit abstract, but whatever…

“Yeah”
“We spent $2000 on a website and three days later they took it down”

Let me guess, because you didn’t pay them?

“Shit”
“Yeah, I’m with Van Tongeren‘s boys and we made a website for the ANM but they took it down”

WHAT THE FRACK!?

For those puzzled by my reaction Jack van Tongeren was WA’s best known white supremacist and founder of the Australian Nationalist Movement – a group specializing in the firebombing of Asian restaurants and sticking up posters saying “Asians (or whatever other ethnic group they felt threatened by that particular week) Out or Racial War!”. And here was one of these toe-rags walking along beside me making small talk! Reasoning that anyone unhinged enough to join the ANM would not take my views on their insane hate group well I remained non-committal…

“Oh yeah”
“So we had to move it to America, now it’s on Stormfront

FUCKING STORMFRONT?? HOLY FETH!! Stay non-committal! Stay non-committal!

“Oh yeah”

At this point there was a pause, as if the maniac beside me was waiting to see if I’d break out into a verse of the Horst Wessel Lied. After a minute or so of silence he started back up again, on a subject almost as bad…

“I had the best sex of my life last night!”

Geez, I really want to hear about that! Pray continue sir!

“Oh yeah”
“Two women, it was completely unexpected too!”
“Right”

Thankfully at this point he appeared to spot something distressing up ahead, quickly mumbled “See ya mate” and decamped into the park by the library. I continued towards the train station breathing a sigh of relief, but about ten metres on was confronted by a rather shabby looking and apparently quite angry woman…

“Who was that bloke you were talking to?!”

Good question. The mystery racist nympho of olde Bayswater?

“I dunno, some bloke who just walked up to me”

She muttered something under her breath and headed into the park, presumably chasing after him.

Not the best way to start the day really.

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