Eidechsen und Seeschlangen

My good friend Rebecca is learning German. Hence the following email exchange today…

Sprechen du Deutsch? Was ist Ihre Meinung von der örtlichen Fußballmannschaft? Mein Luftkissenfahrzeug ist voller Aale!

Ja, spreche bitte Deutsch, mein Deutsch nicht so gut. Mein Meinung ist schrecklich, der ist kicken sie katzen. So, das ihr Luftkissenfahrzeugversicherung abdeckung Aalen?

Mein Luftkissenfahrzeug Versicherung deckt nur Eidechsen und Seeschlangen.

So, nicht so umfassend.

Der Aal Versicherung benötigt eine zusätzliche 30 Euro im Monat. Ich vermute, meine Versicherung gegen Fisch ist voreingenommen…

Achzo, Fisch Vorurteil ist sehr häufig.

Ich habe gehört, dass. Leider habe ich nicht der Ansicht, die Vorliebe von Aalen für unkonventionelle Fahrzeuge bei der Auswahl meiner Versicherung, weil ich nur mit meinem Hovercraft zu Lande bestimmt. Ich hätte nicht gedacht, sie würden die Migration aus dem Wasser, um es zu suchen. Jetzt muss ich Mitarbeiter ein Aal-Entfernungs-Dienstes.

(Disclaimer: I do not speak German, I just use a lot of Google Translate ;))

Postcards from the Edge

The past is a foreign country. They wear funny hats and eat all kinds’a weird crap there.

I give you Perth – 1954 style!

Pros – Decent public transport, lots of beautiful buildings, plentiful rain and a boundless sense of optimism.

Cons – Did you see a single non-Anglo-Saxon in that video? Because I sure didn’t…

Really? That seems rather inconvenient…


OK, I think Servants of the Imperium has been hacked… (Not Safe For Work!)

(The hackers have been changing it up a bit, so the title of this post doesn’t make much sense anymore. Move along!)

(Much Much Later: Note for future generations and other interested parties – at the time I originally wrote this entry the Servants of the Imperium site had been replaced with a somewhat undecorous illustration of two men engaged in, shall we say, “the art of love”, with the caption This is how I play 40k with my boyfriend)

Oh for the love of…

Bob Marley? Seriously?

Emotional Bag Check seems like a really cool idea, but the level of musical knowledge displayed by the top 25 list of recommended songs listed on PerthNow is just appalling!


It’s by Bobby McFerrin and was released in 1988 – SEVEN YEARS AFTER MARLEY DIED!!!

Not every singer with a deep voice and Jamaican accent is Bob Marley, for crying out loud!!

Similarly songs number 5 (Three Little Birds) and number 23 (Everything’s Gonna Be Alright) are the same freakin’ song! Unless of course by Everything’s Gonna Be Alright they actually mean No Woman, No Cry.

I don’t own a single Bob Marley album and I know this stuff. Sheeze!

Well at least I can take comfort in the fact that a song from A Very Potter Musical makes it onto the list – although I can’t really discount the possibility that this is only because Darren Criss is on Glee now…

Monster – Part 2

Casting Wild Aspersions

I called up the electricians about my invisible smoke alarm. They were nice, reasonable and apologetic about it, and are sending out a revised invoice.

Damn. I’d worked myself up to do my best Victor Meldrew impersonation…

…Well there isn’t a smoke alarm! No smoke alarm has been installed! Unless it’s cunningly concealed inside the pile of discarded wires and brick dust your workmen so thoughtfully left in my kitchen…

…No! I don’t care what ‘Barry’ says! The words ‘smoke alarm’ at no point issued forth from his lips during the entire procedure! A large number of other quite unprofessional ones did, but ‘smoke alarm’ was not amongst  them!…

…Well if ‘Barry’ or one of your other trained neandertals can be bothered to come down here and show me the smoke alarm he claims to have installed, I’ll happily pay your account. But until then you’re not getting a cent out of me!

(For the record the electricians – one of whom may or may not have been named Barry – were entire professional, and didn’t leave any mess to speak of. You’ve just got to exaggerate wildly and cast random aspersions if you want to channel old Victor).

Chinese Zookeepers Baffled by Perfectly Ordinary Cuscus


A furry orange-and brown spotted critter with protruding red eyes is baffling zookeepers in China after it was handed in to them by an anonymous man.

Zookeepers from the city of Wenling have not been able to identify the creature and now believe they may have stumbled across a new type of monkey or possum, Daily Mail reports.

It’s a freaking Cuscus! And they call themselves zoologists?!


Deeper and Down

REM have decided to break up, my dinner last night was tube pasta seasoned with the dust from the bottom of a parmesan cheese container, and I’ve been sent a bill for hundreds of dollars worth of electrical work that I’m fairly sure doesn’t exist (unless someone broke in and installed a smoke alarm where I can’t see it).

This is probably not going to be a good day…

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