Why’d I make so many sons I called Primarchs?
And why aren’t half on my side?
Konrad has visions, and Magnus illusions,
And Corvus just likes to hide,
Guilliman’s anal, the Lion loves secrets, and Vulcan is really tall,
Someday I’ll finish my webway connection,
And then I can dump them all,
Category: Silliness and Randomness
The Darkoat
![The text "...encroaching Sigmarite settlers, the Darkoath tribes are performing vile rituals and spiking geomantic leylines across the Mortal Realms, turning the very lands themselves against the invaders. Corrupting sorcery alone in not enough toi turn away these settlers, however, and the *Darkoat* are prepared to fight for their right to roam these lands..." followed by a picture of a box of Quaker Dark Oats. The Quaker has glowing red eyes and is flanked by sigils, and the box promises that the contents "Help lower empathy"](http://wyrmlog.wyrmworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/oats2-744x1024.png)
All Your Warhammer 40k Questions Answered
Q: What is that tube running into Horus’s nose?
A: Perturabo installed it so he can make the Warmaster smell burning toast whenever he’s being particularly annoying.
Q: Who did Dorn kill on Pluto? Was it Alpharius or was Omegon taking his place?
A: Neither. Alpharius killed Dorn, but then took his place. Theoretically you could tell Dorn-Dorn and Alpharius-Dorn apart because one of them had kickass sideburns and a moustache while the other was clean shaven, but which was which has been censored from Imperial records along with Malcador’s recipe for Chili Con Carne.
Q: Did Malcador really have an ancient toy rocket with С.С.С.Р. written on it?
A: No, but he did have an almost complete collection of Generation 1 Transformers. His notorious feud with Erda originated from her repeated refusal to sell him her Windcharger.
Q: Why does speaking Enuncia make your teeth explode?
A: It doesn’t. Everyone in the 41st millennium just has really bad dental hygiene.
Q: Were the Cabal correct about a victory for Horus resulting in the final defeat of Chaos?
A: The Cabal were all on crack.
Q: Even Eldrad?
A: Especially Eldrad!
Q: Why is Torias Telion still a sergeant despite over 300 years of service?
A: His wicked obscura habit makes him unsuitable for promotion.
Q: Is Elon Musk the Emperor?
A: The Emperor’s parenting skills are bad, but they’re not that bad.
Q: What’s the deal with Guilliman and Yvraine?
A: They’re loyal and devoted pen-pals, nothing more.
Q: Who would win in a volleyball match between Ravenor and Eisenhorn?
A: It depends on whether Eisenhorn is allowed to sub-in Cherubael.
Q: Is it true that you’re selling video tapes of Ciaphus Cain’s wedding night?
A: This interview is OVER!
Beneath the Opera House…
![Me: Can we see the Phantom of the Opera?
Mom: We have the Phantom of the Opera at home.
The Phantom of the Opera at Home - a withered flower and part of a shoe that looks like a mask on the side of the road](http://wyrmlog.wyrmworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/phantom.png)
Newport
He thought he saw a Viking tower,
Erected on a hill,
He looked again and saw that it,
Was Benedict Arnold’s mill,
“I won’t claim it’s Chinese” he said,
“But Gavin Menzies will!”
Correcting the Record
Willie, Willie, Harry, Mattie,
Stephen, Harry, Harry Bratty,
Dick, John, Louis, Harry three,
One two three Neds, Now let’s see,
Richard two, Harrys four five six,
Edwards four five, Nasty Dick,
Harry VII, Harry VIII,
Ned the sixth who turned up late,
Lady Jane Grey, Philip and Mary,
Bessie, James and Charles contrary,
Ollie, Ricky, Charles restored,
James the second (most abhorred),
Will and Mary, Anna Gloria,
Georges (Four), Will Four, Victoria
Edward, George, then Nazi Ted,
So George the sixth stepped in instead,
Elizabeth, her reign unanswered,
Now Charlie III who has the cancers,
Jerusalem, 34 AD
Peter: Well, it’s been almost a year now and it looks like Jesus isn’t coming back any time soon, so I guess I’m in charge?
Paul: I think you’ll find I’m the one in charge!
Peter: Who are you!?
Phillip: He’s that Saul bastard who’s been…
Paul: I’m Paul, and Jesus put me in charge!
Peter: When?!
Paul: Last week.
Peter: Last week!? Our Lord has been gone for months!
Paul: He appeared to me in a vision on the road to Damascus.
Peter: A vision? Seriously? And what did this ‘vision’ say to you?
Paul: That I was in charge.
Paul: And also that you were a bitch.
Peter: Why you..!
John of Patmos: I saw Jesus too!
Peter: What…?
Paul: Who…?
John of Patmos: He was a lamb! And he had horns! And eyes – lots of eyes! And swords for teeth! And there was a dragon with seven heads and more horns! And there were living creatures! And four guys on different coloured horses and a woman standing on the moon and a harlot and then everyone had to run and hide in caves because all the water was poison and there were grasshoppers with human heads and a mountain fell out of the sky and the sky went away and there were angels blowing horns and did I mention the grasshoppers because they had human heads and scorpion tails and all the stars fell down and…
Saucy
![](https://wyrmlog.wyrmworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/marinara-618x1024.jpg)
I chow down on a bowl of mari,
Marinara, marinara sauce,
Then just another bowl of mari,
Marinara, marinara sauce,
If you choose to down it hastily,
It will tickle you internally,
And I see nothing wrong with that…
It Is Accomplished
Holland
![May I expect you in Holland this summer?](https://wyrmlog.wyrmworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/FSlx4JoWYAQoRvD-714x1024.jpg)
I may?
So be it…
Starts sharpening axe