A Modest Proposal

A herd of whales go racing past

I propose a new unit of measurement. The Heston – which is used to measure the density of amphibians.

One Heston equals 100,000 amphibians per square mile (or 38,610.21586 amphibians per square kilometre). Examples of declination follow…

1 Megaheston= 1,000,000,000 amphibians per square mile
1 Kiloheston = 100,000,000 amphibians per square mile
1 Hectoheston = 10,000,000 amphibians per square mile
1 Decaheston = 1,000,000 amphibians per square mile
1 Heston = 100,000 amphibians per square mile
1 Deciheston = 10,000 amphibians per square mile
1 Centiheston = 1,000 amphibians per square mile
1 Milliheston = 100 amphibians per square mile
1 Microheston = 10 amphibians per square mile
1 Nanoheston = 1 amphibian per square mile

It cannot be denied that this unit would be of great use to the world of science, and I expect the International Committee for Weights and Measures to adopt it immediately, and shall wait patiently for my Nobel Prize for suggesting it.

Disparate Notes

Well, back to work tomorrow. Two weeks earlier than planned. At least I’ll be able to check out the Burgermeister.

The weather has been abominable for the last few days. Forty plus for most of the week. Today is meant to be a lot cooler so I’m throwing open the doors and windows to try and flush out all the warm, stale air that’s been building up.

My posts about FADADES earlier in the week seem to have enraged the FADADES fan community. Or at least one guy, who may well be the entirety of the FADADES fan community. Or maybe FADADES himself. In any case he left a very angry comment asking what’s wrong with FADADES. Not that much really, apart from his music sounding like Gollum and Donald Duck having an angle grinder fight in a firing range, and the man himself looking like Worzel Gummidge had to take a job at an S&M club to support his crack habit.

I spent Australia Day at Justin’s place helping him put up shelves in his garage. Hopefully they haven’t fallen down yet.

Ah, the Triple J Hottest 100. Gotye and Kimbra took out the number one spot, which really was no surprise. Several of the songs I voted for got in, which was nice, but overall I wasn’t terribly impressed. I guess 2011 wasn’t a fantastic year for music – or at least music that I like. Just another sign that I’m getting old I guess.

Let’s see, what did I vote for…

* Lanu/Megan Washington – Beautiful Trash – I am frankly astonished that this didn’t get in. Maybe it was released too early in the year for people to remember it.

* Seeker Lover Keeper – Even Though I’m A Woman – Got in at number 17. Good stuff!

* Luke Million – Arnold – Number 71. About where it deserved.

* Noah and the Whale – Waiting for my chance to come – Didn’t get in, although L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N did.

* Florence & The Machine – Shake It Out – Number 13. I expected it to get into the top 10, but 13 isn’t bad.

* Illy – Cigarettes – Number 35. Excellent.

* Crystal Fighters – At Home – No sign of this sadly

* Yuksek – On A Train – No sign of this either

* The Vaccines – Norgaard – Or this.

* Architecture In Helsinki – Escapee – Number 55. Not bad.

And others that I liked…

* The Wombats – Techno Fan – Number 26. Excellent!

* CSS – Hits Me Like A Rock – No sign of this.

* Stanton Warriors – Get Up – Or this.

* Jay-Z & Kanye West – No Church In The Wild – I expected this to do really well, but it didn’t turn up. No accounting for taste I guess.

* Bluejuice – Act Yr Age – Number 20. Bluejuice always do well.

So yeah. That was that.

Finally, in my wanderings around the net over the last week I stumbled across Romantically Apocalyptic – a beautifully drawn (painted?) yet completely deranged post-apocalyptic webcomic. Insofar as it can be summed up it deals with the adventures of zee Captain and his three minions in the nuclear-winter ensnared ruins of a gigantic city. Zee Captain is completely insane but has almost supernatural levels of luck, ensuring his continued survival – and the continued suffering of his erstwhile companions. There’s also some rather strange videos…

In any case, it’s well worth checking out. Even if you can’t figure out what’s going on (even I have trouble with it sometimes) the art is astounding.

That’s all I’ve got to say…

You’re a Solarsaurus!

Who fries molasses?

Dagnabit! Why didn’t they have anything this cool when I was a kid?

Official B.P.R.D. Training Camp (AKA, Hellboy Camp)

On another subject, just for the hell of it, I decided to transcribe the “lyrics” of that French black metal monstrosity I posted yesterday. These of course are not the real lyrics, as FADADES is presumably screeching and gurgling in French, but I quite like my interpretation…

I’m sorry, stray asses!
You sold us! Tell us!
You’re a solarsaurus!
You sold us! Sold us!
He lives… Stole us!
Truth! Urrrgh!
Who? Who fries molasses?
He stole us! Tell us!
This… You liars! With us!
To us! Trust!
You sell us! Urgh!
Stole us! Arrgh!
You liars! With us!

Who fries molasses indeed FADADES? Who fries molasses indeed…

Dark Fruits of the Mind

Anyone actually singing this in the 41st Millennium would be up before the Inquisition so fast…

The thing about having a creative brain is sometimes it’ll create things you just don’t want it to. And the only way to get rid of things that it’s created against your will is to spit them out into the world – otherwise they’ll lurk in the dark corners of your mind and jump out to torment you when you least expect them to.

As such, I am reluctantly forced to subject you all to this monstrosity. I’m so, so sorry…

My mother was the keeper of the orbital dock,
And she slept with a sanctionite warlock,
Out of this union came children three,
An ogryn and a ratling and the other was me,

Oh now see the Emperor’s light!
Oh for the life of a sanctionite!

One cycle I testing out the ammo feed,
Belting out a verse of the Omnissiah’s Creed,
A voice from behind me said “Hey there!”
I turned to see my father floating in midair,

Oh now see the Emperor’s light!
Oh for the life of a sanctionite!

What has become of my children three?
My father then he asked of me,
One was fed to the Emperor’s throne,
The other was converted to a servitor drone,

Oh now see the Emperor’s light!
Oh for the life of a sanctionite!

The warp fire flashed in his skull white hair,
I looked again and my father wasn’t there,
A voice came echoing from the airlock,
“To the warp with the keeper of the orbital dock!”

Oh now see the Emperor’s light!
Oh for the life of a sanctionite!

Confessions of Influence

Distorting history since 2001!

Forgive me father for I have sinned…

Way back in the dark ages of the internet (about 2001) I created a page on Wyrmworld about the Caproni CA 60 – one of the most ridiculous aircraft ever constructed. It’s still up there if you know where to look. On this page I noted that the plane was “mysteriously” destroyed in a fire after crashing and going in for repairs.

Now, the CA 60 was certainly destroyed in a fire, but the suggestion that there was anything “mysterious” about it was a humorous supposition on my part. I had absolutely no evidence whatsoever to suggest that the fire was anything but an accident, but I thought it concluded the page quite nicely to suggest that Count Caproni decided to cut his loses and run.

Now, ten years later what do I find when I do some research on the CA 60? References all over the place to it being “mysteriously” destroyed in a fire. I can’t swear that this is all down to me, but it certainly worries me when I’m lying awake at 3:00am unable to sleep.

Sort of related is this page on Wikipedia, and this website. Both mention the following definition of “Aku-Aku”…

verb. To move a tall, flat bottomed object (such as a bookshelf) by swiveling it alternatively on its corners in a “walking” fashion. [After the book by Thor Heyerdahl theorising the statues of Easter Island were moved in this fashion.]

The thing is, I made that up. It’s not as bad as the previous example because I made it up on a website devoted to the creation of new words (the now pretty much defunct langmaker.com), but it’s a bit of a surprise nonetheless. The Wikipedia page in particular needs some fixing, as it seems to suggest that Heyerdhal named his book after my definition of the phrase, which is completely arse-backwards and downright dangerous to history.

Even worse, I actually kinda-sorta lied in my initial definition. Although Heyerdahl did eventually theorise that the Easter Island statues were moved in such a fashion, the book Aku-Aku makes no mention of it whatsoever. Apparently no one has ever bothered to go back and check, which is of course the leading cause of 90% of popular historical inaccuracies.

Who ever knew that this internet thing could be so dangerous? ;D

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