There’s this guy, right? And he has this power, but he doesn’t know what the power is, just that he has it. And to find out what it is, he has to go on, like, a quest, and in the quest he visits this aircraft carrier, but it’s not really an aircraft carrier, it’s actually a parking garage. And in the garage there’s this, like, sort of bear man – he’s a man, but he’s also like a bear, right? Like, he’s big and hairy and he growls sometimes so you might think he’s a bear. And the bear man tells him something really important to do with concrete. And so now he has to go out and get the concrete, like all of the concrete, but there’s this big corporation that makes the concrete and they won’t give it to him. So he has to get a lawyer who specialises in concrete to represent him, but, and here’s the thing, he can’t afford a lawyer, so he has to hire a hot dog seller who says he’s a lawyer. But he’s not really a lawyer, he’s just a hot dog seller. And the hot dog seller has a dark past, which we see in flashback. And that’s pretty much the first season. In the second season there’s going to be this guy who flies and shoots firebolts from his hands. And then there’s, like, this other guy, and he has a power too and he knows what his power is and if our guy finds out what his power is it means the new guy will lose his power, right? And as the viewers we don’t know what his power is, although he already knows it, and he won’t tell anyone. And if he loses his power he’ll be turned into something really stupid like a dog, or an aircraft carrier or something. And so he wants to stop the other guy because he doesn’t want to be a dog or an aircraft carrier. So he’s hunting down the other guy and he has a friend who’s a really good hunter, but he has to pay him because although he’s his friend he doesn’t work for free, ever, because that’s his policy and he only accepts two dollar bills in payment and he wants a lot of them because he’s really expensive even to his friends. So they need to hunt for the other guy but also for lots of two dollar bills because they’re really rare. And the new guy has some kind of problem, maybe with his feet or his calves, and he’s always complaining about them and the hunter also has a problem that he complains about all the time, so they’re always complaining and they’re like the complaint brothers which is what the all fans will actually call them. And the show will be called “MAGNUM P.I. THE FORGOTTEN YEARS” and the new guy is played by the same actor as the old guy because they’re twins.

Drug of a Nation

Teaching myself to Cyclops Rock

I watch way too much TV.

I’ve been saying this for years but it finally came home to me the other day how much time I waste staring at the idiot’s lantern. Nothing in particular prompted this – apart from realising that despite the huge number of channels now available (hey, I grew up with only 9, 7, 10 and the ABC) there’s even less actually worth watching – but I’ve nonetheless decided to do something about it.

Observe, if you will, this…

There we have it – an entire week’s worth of potential viewing marked (in red) with the only things I am really not prepared to miss. Four and a half (five if you include QI which is a special case…) hours of watchable TV over the space of five days. Wow. And look at Wednesday! There’s nothing! Incredible!

So, I’m going to do my best to resist turning on the box in between those times. Sure, I’ll probably watch Catalyst on Thursdays because it’s interesting and fills in a gap between two red zones, and I may treat myself to some Hitler oriented documentaries on SBS on Friday nights, but other than that I’ll be cutting my diet way down. Of course, I’ll probably waste the saved time looking at amusing cat videos on YouTube, but that’s gotta be better than repeats of According to Jim, right?


Next step – charting out the weekends. Off the top of my head the only thing I can think of that’s vital is the new series of The Amazing Race. Other than that I can’t think of a single show…

Later: Oh wait! There’s that History of Scotland show on Sunday night. Hoots mon!

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