Category: Silliness and Randomness

The Wyrmworld Personality Test: 2012

With the end of the year fast approaching, it’s time to take stock and consider what one has accomplished over the last twelve months. To assist in this endeavour, Wyrmworld is proud to present our Personality Test for 2012!

Simply select the most suitable answer from the following questions, and calculate your score as indicated. Let’s go!

Question 1: When were you born?
A: Pre-1982
B: June 1987
C: Post-1989
D: I am old as time itself

Question 2: Which utility has the highest value on the standard monopoly board?
A: The Triangle Shirtwaist Factory
B: The Silvertown Munitions Factory
C: The Union Carbide Plant
D: The SS Richard Montgomery

Question 3: While enjoying some night fishing you are kidnapped by a rather disturbing merman. He agrees to let you go free, but only if you write a song that pleases him. What subject do you compose your song about?
A: A horse
B: A lovely horse
C: A horse that can’t remember it’s name
D: A lovely horse that can’t remember anyone’s name

Question 4: What is your favourite species of Mustela?
A: Mustela kathiah
B: Mustela strigidorsa
C: Mustela macrodon
D: Mustela altaica

Question 5: You are a 12th century peasant. One night, a hideous apparition of Death manifests in your hovel. How do you react?
A: Dance a merry jig
B: Offer it a foaming mug of ale
C: Point solemnly out the door
D: Play a Black Lotus combo

Question 6: You are a prosperous 17th century merchant. One night, a hideous apparition of Death manifests in your manor house. How do you react?
A: Dance a merry jig
B: Offer it a foaming mug of ale
C: Point solemnly out the door
D: Play a Black Lotus combo

Question 7: Death is impressed by your resourcefulness, and grants you a choice in your manner of passing. How do you choose to die?
A: Of fright during an exercise of the trained bands
B: Of Lady B____’s Cordial Water
C: Of the Merryandrew
D: Of October

Question 8: This cap do they hart of don Belly ease voutry-sidhe an axe implore?
A: Taque on sir sounding chew off non-split royal Belly
B: Nor of true perfect, treat a calf our volk down hull
C: Joonie downs a bath bowdlering wish pontoony fore!
D: Tre papilion as four treks lucid yous by dour ease diets

Question 9: If a fork-tailed doctor-killer leaves Albuquerque at 10:04am traveling west at a speed of 140 miles per hour, and a gliding electric show leaves Toad Suck at 10:14am heading south at full throttle, will their paths cross before observation of the green ray?
A: Yes
B: No
C: It’s entirely likely but depends on wind conditions
D: Trick question – there’s no such thing as a flying gas station

Question 10: Are you still reading this?
A: Yes
B: No
C: I gave up at hart of don Belly ease voutry-sidhe
D: Reading what?

Calculating Your Results: For every question you answered with A, score 1 point. For every question you answered with B, score 1.3 points. For every question you answered with C, subtract 0.2 points. For every question you answered with D, score 12.25 points. Add up your total score, derive its square root, then combine the second, fourth and sixth digits after the decimal point. This is your final score. Write it down and place it somewhere secure. Do not share it with anyone! When the time is right, we will make contact.

On Skrillex

I actually don’t mind a bit of dubstep 🙂

I do not feel required to believe that Skrillex is a human being. My top three theories to explain the existence of such a thing are as follows…

1: Skrillex is the name of a program designed by a post-grad computer engineering student to simulate industrial workplace noise. After a night of heavy drinking said student inadvertently messed up some of the audio filters and induced a series of overlapping sound loops, then realised that the resulting cacophony might go down well at next weekend’s beer and ecstasy mixer.

2: Skrillex is an ancient fax-modem, forgotten about in a storage cupboard but still connected to the net, which has achieved sentience and a recording contract.

3: Skrillex is a member of an unknown, sapient, deep-sea dwelling species that is attempting to communicate with us by modulating its vocalisations for propagation through air rather than water. It’s not very good at it.

I’ll take my Turner Prize now please…

Waddya mean you have to be British!?

Idea for a conceptual art project…

1: Invite members of the public to write letters about important personal issues to their friends and families, and send them to you along with the address details of the people they’re meant to be delivered to.

2: Put all the letters into stamped, addressed envelopes, ready for posting.

3: Place the envelopes into an elaborate machine in an art gallery which displays them one by one and has two buttons – “Deliver” and “Destroy”. If the “Deliver” button is pressed, the envelope is dropped into a hopper, collected at the end of the day and posted. If the “Destroy” button is pressed, the envelope is put through a shredder. Allow visitors to the gallery to press the buttons at will.

4: Give the whole arrangement an incredibly wanky name like “Thoughts and Memories of Olympus Mons”

5: ???

6: Profit!

Pathetic Cave Adventure

Yeah, that’s the opening of Zork. Deal with it.

One of these days I’m going to program a text adventure game titled Pathetic Cave Adventure. It starts…

West of House
You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
There is a small mailbox here.

If you open the mailbox, you get arrested for mail fraud and the game ends. If you try and open the boarded front door, you get arrested for breaking and entering and the game ends. If you try to walk anywhere you get arrested for trespassing and the game ends. If you do nothing for more than a few rounds you get arrested for loitering and the game ends