Meanwhile in another universe…

“Upon this very stone which you see here, knobbly and unadorned, the letters that The West reported may still be read, if one has the strength of will to approach the Coventry Markets. That I have done, and this I have read,

Develop North Australia, embrace multiculturalism and welcome short term foreign workers to our shores, To benefit from the export of our minerals and ores

The change in the wizard’s voice was astounding. Suddenly it became menacing, powerful, harsh as stone. A shadow seemed to pass over the high sun, and the porch for a moment grew dark. All trembled and the Elves stopped their ears.

“Never before has any voice dared to utter such unbelievable garbage in Imladris, Gandalf the Grey” said Elrond, as the shadow passed and the company breathed once more.

With Apologies to Mitchell and Webb…

Thorin and Company are trapped at the top of a bunch of burning pine trees, surrounded by Goblins and Wargs…

Thorin Oakenshield: Right! This is a bad situation, but I have a plan! On my word, everyone leap down, weapons drawn, on the nearest warg. Go for the throats first, then turn your axes on the goblins. Not all of us will make it, but we’ll make a damn good accounting for ourselves!

Gandalf: Yes… yes… Or I could just summon a flock of giant eagles to come to our rescue..?

Thorin Oakenshield: ……ok.


Gandalf and Legolas have been trapped on the highest pinnacle of Orthanc by Saruman the white wizard…

Legolas: Alright! We’ll wait until the next time Saruman comes up to gloat at us. I’ll climb up on the statuary and loose a rain of arrows upon him, while you blind him with a sorcerous flash. Then we’ll take the stairs and fight our way down, grabbing the palantir on the way out!

Gandalf: Yes… very good… Or I could just summon a flock of giant eagles to come to our rescue..?

Legolas: ……ok.


The army of Gondor stands before the Black Gate. The forces of Sauron are in disarray, the ground shakes and ash falls from the sky as the One Ring is consumed in the fires of Orodruin…

Aragorn: The Ringbearer has completed his quest! The power of Sauron is broken forever! Assemble the most skilled riders and the fastest horses – if there is any hope that Frodo and Sam yet survive, we must ride for Mount Doom with haste!

Gandalf: That would work… Or I could just summon a flock of giant eagles to fly to the mountain and rescue them..?

Aragorn: ……ok.


(Saw The Hobbit last night. I’ll post my thoughts later but in the meantime I couldn’t get this ridiculous parody out of my head :))

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