The Scoliosis Bus

Making light of a serious medical condition.

Had a very enjoyable Boxing Day lunch at Rebecca and Dom’s yesterday. As is usual the postprandial conversation wandered all over the place, and happened to light upon a government funded bus that used to travel around from school to school testing children for signs of scoliosis. Our collective blood sugar levels being all over the place we found the concept of “the scoliosis bus” quite hilarious, and laughed like drains for a good five minutes.

Rebecca kindly gave me a lift home and on the short walk from her car to my apartment my brain insisted on whipping up a set of lyrics, which I now – shamefully – present to a candid world…

The Scoliosis Bus (to the tune of Jingle Bells)

A day or two ago, I thought I’d go to school,
And as I studied there, what vehicle up did pull?
The Nurse jumped out the bus, and measured up my spine,
She said “put on this truss and you will soon be feeling fine!”

Spinal cord! Spinal cord! Spinal chordate truss!
Oh what fun it is to ride in the Scoliosis Bus!
Spinal cord! Spinal cord! Spinal chordate truss!
Oh what fun it is to ride in the Scoliosis Bus!

I am so, so sorry.

It’s actually a Dragon, just don’t tell the City that…

Map based ratings

It’s been stupidly hot for the last few days. Christmas day was the hottest since 1968 (41°), and Boxing day was the hottest December day since records began (44°). It’s a bit cooler today, but the humidity is brutal – so I’m not really in the mood to write about Christmas apart from that I had a very enjoyable breakfast of fruit, nuts and croissants at Rebecca and Dom’s, and a full Christmas lunch over at the Aunts’.

I figured instead I’d talk about the Great Gryffin of London.

Its eye is at Battersea Power Station, and its snout at Victoria station. One paw lies over Buckingham Palace, and the other the British Museum. Its heart is at Waterloo and its chest on the Victoria Embankment. Its wings spring from the Elephant and Castle and the Imperial War Museum, stretching to Clapham North and Herne Hill. Its feet lie at Bethnal Green and Stepney, and its knees at Shoreditch. Its rump sits neatly at Bricklayers Arms, and its tail stretches down the Thames to Greenland Dock.

See if you can spot it next time you’re in London:)

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