The Scoliosis Bus

Making light of a serious medical condition.

Had a very enjoyable Boxing Day lunch at Rebecca and Dom’s yesterday. As is usual the postprandial conversation wandered all over the place, and happened to light upon a government funded bus that used to travel around from school to school testing children for signs of scoliosis. Our collective blood sugar levels being all over the place we found the concept of “the scoliosis bus” quite hilarious, and laughed like drains for a good five minutes.

Rebecca kindly gave me a lift home and on the short walk from her car to my apartment my brain insisted on whipping up a set of lyrics, which I now – shamefully – present to a candid world…

The Scoliosis Bus (to the tune of Jingle Bells)

A day or two ago, I thought I’d go to school,
And as I studied there, what vehicle up did pull?
The Nurse jumped out the bus, and measured up my spine,
She said “put on this truss and you will soon be feeling fine!”

Spinal cord! Spinal cord! Spinal chordate truss!
Oh what fun it is to ride in the Scoliosis Bus!
Spinal cord! Spinal cord! Spinal chordate truss!
Oh what fun it is to ride in the Scoliosis Bus!

I am so, so sorry.

4 thoughts on “The Scoliosis Bus”

  1. U aught to be ashamed of yourself. Making fun of the helpless people in those buses.

    Although it didn’t stop me from laughing, so who’s worse?

  2. a) lol
    b) the kiddies don’t actually ride in the bus, they are just examined within so don’t feel too bad about laughing
    c) thanks for not mocking me for the spelling error on the last post and
    d) do you think you’ll now get ppl searching for transport options for their scoliosis afflicted kiddies and sending you ANGRY emails for your lack of sensitivity?

  3. Well, I don’t think that scoliosis generally requires specialised transport, so I’m probably relatively safe on the search front. And if you examine the lyrics carefully nowhere am I actually mocking scoliosis sufferers. There are in fact only two potentially offensive things in the song – the suggestion that riding in a bus devoted to scoliosis testing would be “fun”, and the suggestion that a truss can cure (or at least treat) scoliosis.

    Personally I don’t see why the specialised function of a bus should compromise any enjoyment found in riding in it, and I only used the word “truss” because it’s hard to find a rhyme for “Cotrel-Dubousset instrumentation”.

    Of course if anyone does complain I may have to pull the song, and replace it with one about the scrofula wagon.

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