A Dark Place

So, am I sailing the ocean blue, heading for adventures in New Zealand?

No, I am not. I am sitting in my apartment in Perth wallowing in a nasty combination of embarrassment, humiliation, disappointment, anger and worry about how much money I’ve wasted.

Turns out I hate cruising. After two days on board the boat I felt so wretched that my only option was to jump ship at Melbourne and fly home. So I’m not going to New Zealand, I’m not seeing all the cool stuff I was looking forwards too, and I’m pretty pissed off at the world and myself for not realising that life on a cruise ship would be hellish for an Aspie like myself.

So, I need to cancel all my reservations in New Zealand, alert my bank that I’m back in Perth so they won’t block my card and get in touch with my travel insurance to see if there’s any way I can get any of my money back. I’m not hopeful on that last one, but I’ll try.

I’ve also got to try and reconcile myself to another magnificent failure at living. If American sit-coms are anything to judge by, this is the kind of thing best treated by consuming vast amounts of alcohol and going to a strip club, but that’s not going to happen, so I’ll need to figure something else out. Give me a week or so and I should be coming out of this horrible funk. I hope.

Man I suck.

Checking Out

Had a lot of fun in Sydney, but today I’m checking out of the Rydges and boarding my cruise ship. This means that I’m going to have even less online presence than I have for the last few days, as I’m not willing to pay insane Satellite Internet prices out on the open sea.

Before I go, a quick summary…

Sunday – Great tour of the Middle Head fortifications, including lots of underground tunnels. Met up with Paula and her friend Saskia, gourmet pizza at the Australian Hotel, tour of the Old Observatory in the middle of a massive thunderstorm.

Monday – Hire car out to Katoomba and the Jenolan Caves. Three Sisters much more impressive than I’d expected. Caves amazing, although we only had time to tour one. Our guide (Analiese I think?) was awesome and took us to look for platypuses afterwards (we saw plenty of water dragons but it was too windy for the platypuses). Drove back to Sydney and had expensive (but very tasty) fish and chips at Doyles.

Tuesday – Fascinating tour of the Opera House, then Cadman’s Cottage and the Harbour Bridge Pylon museum. Afternoon tea in the park at Wynyard Station, then the Queen Victoria Building. Finally a fantastic Ghost Tour through the Rocks with ‘Ghost Guide Gary’.

Today – Plan is to do the Centrepoint Tower, the Chinese Gardens and the Harry Potter Exhibition at the Powerhouse. Then I board my ship.

See you all in two weeks!

Sydney Day One Roundup

Sydney Town Hall – Mildly impressive
Queen Victoria Building – Like an upscale Diagon Alley
Town Hall Railway Station – A descent into the bowels of Hell
Circular Quay Station – Best view from a railway station in the world
Circular Quay – Crowded but cheerful
The Rocks – Enjoyably quaint
Sydney Harbour Bridge – Mind bogglingly massive
The Old Battery – Of considerable archaeological interest
The Old Observatory – Fantastic views

Just about to head off for a tour of the old Middle Head Battery. Should be interesting!

Live! From Sydney!

Live in Sydney!

I have safely arrived in Sydney and am happily ensconced in my quite swanky hotel. I’ll be heading out shortly for a ghost tour in the rocks, and also to find some lunch, as the only things I’ve eaten all day were two ham sandwiches at 3:30am and a small bag of those grain chip things. On the upside I watched three episodes of Warehouse 13 on the plane – which just made the time fly.

The Firelight Isle

A graphic novel without compromises

Paul Duffield's Firelight IsleI’m about to head off on my mystical* journey to the East, but thought I’d drop in a quick plug for Paul Duffield’s Firelight Isle.

(No, not that one, that one!)

Paul, late of FreakAngels, has taken the really bold step of starting work on an entirely creator-owned graphic novel. Because he unfortunately has to eat and such, he can only afford to spend one day a week on it, but the work he’s done so far looks fascinating.

If you’re of a mind to help a talented artist – and get a few goodies along the way – please consider dropping a few bucks into the IndieGoGo campaign. If that’s not your kind of thing, there are also a number of other ways you can contribute.

OK, I’m off to pack my bags. Sydney, Sydney here I come!

(Sydney, Sydney, yum yum yum…)

* Not at all mystical, in any definition of the word

ATO WTF (FML)

FML

Delay in the processing of your 2011 income tax return

Dear [Purple Wyrm]

We are writing to advise of a delay in the processing of your recently lodged 2011 tax return. Your return will be reviewed as it has been identified as containing some information that we want to further investigate prior to issuing an assessment.

We are using specialist technology to help us identify and review returns that may contain missing and/or incorrect information. Claims outside normal individual or industry ranges will result in all aspects of a person’s tax position being reviewed. Last year 71% of these returns were adjusted prior to the notices of assessment issuing. This resulted in an increase in the amount of tax payable and in many instances a penalty was also imposed.

Some of the common issues identified include:
* understated income and/or fictitious payment summary details
* overstated or fraudulent deductions
* non entitlement to claimed offsets/rebate
* instances of identity takeover.

What we will do
We have a responsibility to the government and the community to ensure that everyone pays the correct amount of tax under the law. We will be undertaking further investigations and will compare the information in your return with data supplied by other parties, such as employers.

We anticipate your return is likely to be delayed for a minimum of 12 weeks while we conduct our investigations. We will hold your 2011 return until are investigations are finalised.

What happens next
If during the course of these investigations we are able to cross reference information you have reported in your tax return with information provided by other parties, we will issue your notice of assessment without the need to contact you further.

If we require further information to verify particular details within your return we will contact you and request it. If you have claimed work-related expenses exceeding $300 in total then you should ensure you have the written evidence available in case it is requested.

Credit interest is payable by the Australian Tax Office (ATO) in certain circumstances. If you are due a refund you may be entitled to an amount of credit interest as a result of the delay in issuing your notice of assessment. Where applicable we will automatically calculate and credit your account with the interest amount payable.

For more information
If you are expecting a refund and experiencing serious financial hardship we may be able to arrange for your return to be processed as a priority. Visit www.ato.gov.au and search for ‘hardship’.

If you then have any further questions please phone 13 28 61 between 8:00am and 6:00pm, Monday to Friday.

If you need assistance in languages other than English please phone the Translating and Interpreting Service on 13 14 50.

What if you need to phone us
We need to know we are talking to the right person before we can discuss your tax affairs. We will ask for details only you or someone you have authorised would know. An authorised person is osmeone who you have previously told us can act on your behalf. If you can, please have your tax file number (TFN) with you.

Yours sincerely

[Some ATO Pleb]

 

What the hell?!? What in the name of all that’s sane and holy would trigger the ATO to ‘investigate’ my tax return claim?!? I haven’t done anything the slightest bit different to the last ten claims I’ve put in and yet suddenly I’m under suspicion of tax fraud???

Not only does this mean that I won’t get my return in time for my holiday (which I was really hoping for) but the entire trip will have a cloud over it – not knowing if I’m going to be raided by the AFP or something on my return. Great. Thanks for that ATO.

(Need I add that I have never attempted to defraud the tax system in my life? I mean, sure, that’s exactly what someone who has attempted to defraud the tax system would say, but it’s still the truth.)

*Sigh*

Later: I just called the ATO to try and find out what’s going on and advise them I’ll be out of the country for a few weeks of their “investigation”, and it turns out they’re all on holidays until next week. Our tax dollars at work!

Watching the FSL

I’ve been keeping half an eye on the FSL lately, so was quite pleased to stumble across the FSL Tonight podcast . Serenity Valley (Go Browncoats!) are doing pretty well at the moment (apart from that fiasco on Vulcan) which is good to see – but I can’t help feel sorry for the Mudders (they can call themselves the “Jaynes” all they like, they’re still the Canton Mudders as far as I’m concerned).

They’re rapidly becoming the buttmonkeys of the league, but they’re really not that bad a team – they’ve just been promoted above their level. It was only that 31/0 home win over the Exterminators that pushed them through, and that was only down to the field conditions at Canton immobilising the entire Skaro side. Now they’ve joined the big leagues and are getting completely steamrolled. Poor guys.

Roll on the finals!

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