Oh Holy….

There’s a new market opened up in Morley, in the old Coventry’s building.

Outside the new market in the old Coventry’s building is a giant lump of iron ore.

On the giant lump of iron ore outside the new market in the old Coventry’s building is a plaque.

On the plaque on the giant lump of iron ore outside the new market in the old Coventry’s building is a group of words that the very charitable might concede to describe as something resembling a poem.

A poem apparently written by mining magnate Gina Rhinehart….

Our Future

The globe is sadly groaning with debt, poverty and strife
And billions now are pleading to enjoy a better life
Their hope lies with resources buried deep within the earth
And the enterprise and capital which give each project worth
Is our future threatened with massive debts run up by political hacks
Who dig themselves out by unleashing rampant tax
The end result is sending Australian investment, growth and jobs offshore
This type of direction is harmful to our core
Some envious unthinking people have been conned
To think prosperity is created by waving a magic wand
Through such unfortunate ignorance, too much abuse is hurled
Against miners, workers and related industries who strive to build the world
Develop North Australia, embrace multiculturalism and welcome short term foreign workers to our shores
To benefit from the export of our minerals and ores
The world’s poor need our resources: do not leave them to their fate
Our nation needs special economic zones and wiser government, before it is too late.

Now you’re going to have to excuse me here, because bad poetry is something that really gets up my nose, to the point of making me almost irrational. So I beg your forgiveness in advance for the tone of what I’m about to type…

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT IS THIS FUCKING CRAP PIECE OF SHIT DOING IN A PUBLIC SPACE!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT IN GOD’S NAME MAKES GINA FUCKING RHINEHART THINK SHE’S CAPABLE OF WRITING GODDAMED FUCKING POETRY WITHOUT THE SLIGHTEST CONCEPTION OF METER AND/OR SCANSION AND THAT THE PUSTULANT CRAP PRODUCED IS WORTHY OF BEING PUT ON PUBLIC FUCKING DISPLAY!?!?!?! IF A FUCKING TWELVE YEAR OLD HANDED THIS IN TO ME AS POETRY I’D TELL THEM TO FUCKING REWRITE IT!!!!!! YOU CANT JUST FUCKING ARRANGE A BUNCH OF FUCKING RUN ON SENTENCES OF WILDLY VARIABLE FUCKING LENGTH AND STRESS INTO COUPLETS AND CALL IT POETRY FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!!
 FUCK!!!!!

Ahem. Sorry about that. Meter is something trivially easy to get your head around, yet so many people seem to be completely incapable of comprehending it, and it really gets me steamed.

Obviously 😀

A somewhat more reasoned critical analysis of Rhineharts lyrical atrocity may be read here.

Whitney Joins the Choir Invisible

Well, Whitney Houston’s gone. I could try and say something profound, but to be perfectly honest her music never meant anything to me so her passing really doesn’t affect me in any way. Which is not to say that I don’t care that she’s dead – just that I don’t care any more than I would for any random human who’s passed away too young, leaving people behind who’ll now be mourning for them.

Anyway, here’s this…

The Ice of FADADES

Here we see another performance from the incomparable, castle-dwelling, laser-building, French master of metal, FADADES!!

Unlike some of his other more ‘abstract’ videos, this one has an easily comprehensible plot. The alien FADADES comes to Earth and lands his spaceship in Egypt. Here he discovers that his precious ice keeps melting in the desert heat. This angers him, and as lightning flashes across the sky (no doubt a result of the disturbance caused by his ship plunging through the atmosphere) he curses. “BAD ICE!! DIE ICE!!” he shrieks over and over again.

Hey, it makes as much sense as anything else…

Extra Heretical!

For those not keeping track, this month is the 25th anniversary of Warhammer 40,000 – the first edition (the legendary Rogue Trader) being released in February 1987. Games Workshop is celebrating with events at their stores worldwide and is taking every opportunity to squeeze as much money as they can out of us poor devotees.

In comemoration of this momentous event I would very much like to make a celebratory video and whack it up on YouTube. Unfortunately, while I believe I would be entirely capable of making it, I simply don’t have the time to waste on something so stupid, and as such I shall merely describe it here…

We open with the 25th anniversary Aquila against a dark background. A frighteningly deep voice intones “In the grim darkness of the 41st millenium there is only….. DANCE!”. The rest of the video consists of animated  representatives of every army in the game doing the Caramelldansen against a series of apocalyptic backgrounds – except for an Imperial Commissar who insists on dancing to Falco instead.

Now c’mon, can you deny that such a video would be teh awesum?

Well, yes, you probably can.

In any case, here are examples of the ridiculous kinds of videos that inspired this ridiculous idea, for your enjoyment/torture…

Little Damn Heroes

You know it’s a shame that All Yours by Metric is associated with bloody-wooby-crap-sparkly-vampire movies, because it’s actually a fantastic love song.

Had to take Friday off work with a migraine headache. It was annoying because I was about five minutes from work when it hit, so I had no choice but to go in and try and do some work despite not being able to see properly (coding is pretty hard when half the characters keep popping in and out of visibility). After an hour I gave up, went home and slept until mid afternoon, at which point I was able to dose myself up on painkillers enough to do some work around the house.

On the plus side my extremely indulgent order from Quantum Mechanix came in. I am now the proud owner of a Firefly, and a limited edition Claudia-from-Warehouse-13 maquette (number 988 of 1000). The Firefly is sitting on my bookshelf, and Claudia is sitting by my monitor where she will (hopefully) keep my computer running more efficiently.

Finally big congrats to Helen and Rob on the safe arrival of Sebastian Robert. Here’s hoping you’re both getting enough sleep 😀

A Modest Proposal

A herd of whales go racing past

I propose a new unit of measurement. The Heston – which is used to measure the density of amphibians.

One Heston equals 100,000 amphibians per square mile (or 38,610.21586 amphibians per square kilometre). Examples of declination follow…

1 Megaheston= 1,000,000,000 amphibians per square mile
1 Kiloheston = 100,000,000 amphibians per square mile
1 Hectoheston = 10,000,000 amphibians per square mile
1 Decaheston = 1,000,000 amphibians per square mile
1 Heston = 100,000 amphibians per square mile
1 Deciheston = 10,000 amphibians per square mile
1 Centiheston = 1,000 amphibians per square mile
1 Milliheston = 100 amphibians per square mile
1 Microheston = 10 amphibians per square mile
1 Nanoheston = 1 amphibian per square mile

It cannot be denied that this unit would be of great use to the world of science, and I expect the International Committee for Weights and Measures to adopt it immediately, and shall wait patiently for my Nobel Prize for suggesting it.

Disparate Notes

Well, back to work tomorrow. Two weeks earlier than planned. At least I’ll be able to check out the Burgermeister.

The weather has been abominable for the last few days. Forty plus for most of the week. Today is meant to be a lot cooler so I’m throwing open the doors and windows to try and flush out all the warm, stale air that’s been building up.

My posts about FADADES earlier in the week seem to have enraged the FADADES fan community. Or at least one guy, who may well be the entirety of the FADADES fan community. Or maybe FADADES himself. In any case he left a very angry comment asking what’s wrong with FADADES. Not that much really, apart from his music sounding like Gollum and Donald Duck having an angle grinder fight in a firing range, and the man himself looking like Worzel Gummidge had to take a job at an S&M club to support his crack habit.

I spent Australia Day at Justin’s place helping him put up shelves in his garage. Hopefully they haven’t fallen down yet.

Ah, the Triple J Hottest 100. Gotye and Kimbra took out the number one spot, which really was no surprise. Several of the songs I voted for got in, which was nice, but overall I wasn’t terribly impressed. I guess 2011 wasn’t a fantastic year for music – or at least music that I like. Just another sign that I’m getting old I guess.

Let’s see, what did I vote for…

* Lanu/Megan Washington – Beautiful Trash – I am frankly astonished that this didn’t get in. Maybe it was released too early in the year for people to remember it.

* Seeker Lover Keeper – Even Though I’m A Woman – Got in at number 17. Good stuff!

* Luke Million – Arnold – Number 71. About where it deserved.

* Noah and the Whale – Waiting for my chance to come – Didn’t get in, although L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N did.

* Florence & The Machine – Shake It Out – Number 13. I expected it to get into the top 10, but 13 isn’t bad.

* Illy – Cigarettes – Number 35. Excellent.

* Crystal Fighters – At Home – No sign of this sadly

* Yuksek – On A Train – No sign of this either

* The Vaccines – Norgaard – Or this.

* Architecture In Helsinki – Escapee – Number 55. Not bad.

And others that I liked…

* The Wombats – Techno Fan – Number 26. Excellent!

* CSS – Hits Me Like A Rock – No sign of this.

* Stanton Warriors – Get Up – Or this.

* Jay-Z & Kanye West – No Church In The Wild – I expected this to do really well, but it didn’t turn up. No accounting for taste I guess.

* Bluejuice – Act Yr Age – Number 20. Bluejuice always do well.

So yeah. That was that.

Finally, in my wanderings around the net over the last week I stumbled across Romantically Apocalyptic – a beautifully drawn (painted?) yet completely deranged post-apocalyptic webcomic. Insofar as it can be summed up it deals with the adventures of zee Captain and his three minions in the nuclear-winter ensnared ruins of a gigantic city. Zee Captain is completely insane but has almost supernatural levels of luck, ensuring his continued survival – and the continued suffering of his erstwhile companions. There’s also some rather strange videos…

In any case, it’s well worth checking out. Even if you can’t figure out what’s going on (even I have trouble with it sometimes) the art is astounding.

That’s all I’ve got to say…

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