Category: Books and Literature

Tyra Banks is the Mind Killer

I have a high tolerance for crap. I mean I listen to the Legendary Stardust Cowboy for entertainment. I would happily watch Manos: The Hands of Fate without the MST3K commentary. But man…

Recently I’ve been listening to a very entertaining new podcast on the subject of medical history named Sawbones. Hosted by Dr Sydnee McElroy and her husband Justin, each episode covers a medical misconception that killed and maimed tens of thousands of innocent people over hundreds of years. Given that biology, medicine, history and insane extremes of human behaviour are favourite subjects of mine, I actually already know upwards of 80% of what they discuss, but I enjoy their presentation and interaction and as such have become a dedicated listener.

Over the weekend I discovered that they used to do another podcast, a TV oriented show named Satellite Dish. I checked out a few episodes and quite enjoyed them, so I subscribed. But then… oh the horror!

The last three episodes of Satellite Dish consists of Sydnee explaining to Justin the plot of Tyra Banks’ novel Modelland. I listened to the first of these yesterday, and it damn near killed me.

I don’t mean I almost died laughing. I mean the sheer inanity/insanity of the plot made me feel physically ill. My brain went into some kind of infinite loop trying to reconcile the plot with some semblance of reality or common sense, and crashed. By the end of the episode I was on the verge of a migraine headache and had to have a lie down. TYRA BANKS KILLED MY BRAIN!

I have stared into the abyss and it defeated me. I now understand what people mean on Reddit when they reply with “This post gave me cancer”.

I have deleted parts two and three of the review from my computer and have no intention of ever listening to them. The rest of Satellite Dish I have no problem with – I’m listening to an episode right now – but the final three are forever verbotten. Tyra Banks is the mind killer, and I have no intention of letting her particular brand of insanity pass through me ever again. Yeesh!

The Gods Hate Trees!

I’m quite ill at the moment, which is probably why I think this is an amusing idea…

Westeros Baptist Church

News Release

THANK THE SEVEN FOR THE DEATH OF JOFFREY BARATHEON!
WBC TO PICKET THE FUNERAL OF ‘KING’ JOFFREY
The Royal Court is classifying the death of Joffrey Baratheon as an assassination orchestrated by Tyrion ‘The Imp’ Lannister, but the fact is THE SEVEN POISONED HIS CHALICE. How many more terrifying ways will you have the Seven injure and kill your fellow Andals because you insist on tolerating race-dooming, filthy, tree worship?! The Seven placed their stars on the forehead of Hugor of the Hill and commanded submission, not supplication of trees, drowned corpses and demonic fire gods, and will take vengeance! The Baratheons invited special wrath with their willful association with heathen Northmen and Ironmen and blasphemous pagans from across the Narrow Sea. As a direct result of this continuing slide towards depravity the Seven sent poisoned wine to the royal wedding feast. Your callous, defiant sin now leaves the Seven Kingdoms without a Ruler! SEE YE THE BLADE AND WHO HATH WEILDED IT Westeros! What sorrow! What lamentation! What Woe!

THE GODS HATE TREES!

Bronchial Adventures

Well, this is fun. I’ve had a dry, itchy cough since before Christmas. This week it decided it would be better accommodated by my lungs, moved downwards and turned into bronchitis. On the plus side I’ve got a few days off work. On the downside my body seems to have decided that the best method to get rid of the infection is to get rid of my lungs entirely, and is attempting to cough them up on a regular basis.

I’ve been to the docs (happily I had booked an appointment to get the dry, itchy cough looked at before it went feral on me) and have been prescribed rest and a five day series of antibiotic pills the size of twenty-sided dice, so I should come up smiling on Tuesday morning.

In the meantime I’ve been working on painting my Cyclops Demolition Vehicle and watching a rather good documentary on H.P.Lovecraft up on ABC iView, so all’s well that ends well (assuming I do end up well – if not, I’ve got a repeat script on the giant pills).

Oh yeah, this is new. I bought a copy of the Game of Thrones board game. Hopefully I can introduce the guys to it soon, so Fabian can wipe the floor with us all. I’ve got a half a mind to try playing as the Starks, as it looks like an interesting challenge… I’ve also read my way through the first three books, and am now onto part II of Storm of Swords. I found Part I hard going at a few points, but it picked up at the end and I can’t wait to see just how awful the Martells turn out to be (just about everyone in Westeros is awful, it’s merely a matter of degree ;))

That’s it for now. Got some coughing to do…