Can God Fill Teeth?

Six months back – about a week after I had a checkup with the dentist – one of my teeth really started to hurt. I went back, and – after sending me off to an expensive specialist – the conclusion was reached that the tooth had a crack in it and would need a crown. In the meantime the specialist patched it up with metal strips and resin and all kinds of funky stuff so bulky that I spent an hour or so in front of the bathroom mirror filing it down so it didn’t make me feel like a walnut was stuck in my gums.

Last week a big chunk of resin fell off it and this morning a long piece of wire unspooled from the side while I was brushing. This is not a major disaster as I have a dental checkup scheduled for this Friday at which I’m sure they’ll be able to patch it up, but while I was trimming the wire with a pair of scissors I couldn’t help but recall Lard’s absolutely insane track about supernormal dental happenings and self surgery Can God Fill Teeth?

Enjoy!

6 thoughts on “Can God Fill Teeth?”

  1. My god man?! Metal strips and resin stuffed into your teeth?!! Did you have your dentistry done by Dr Jack Ripper whilst he was blood letting your humours with leeches? You know they use ceramic fillings nowadays?

    1. Wrapped round my teeth sir, wrapped round my teeth. When a tooth is cracked you need to wrap it tightly in a straightjacket to close up the cracks, then you slap resin around it.

      You go for the fancy ceramic options when the permanent crown is put on!

  2. Nahhh, one of your Borg implants was re-activating…Any sudden desire to assimilate something.?. Do you need to re-configure your environmental settings..?
    BTW love Lard…one of Jourgensens more bizarre side projects…

    1. When I first noticed the shiny shiny metal where my tooth should have been I did toy with the idea of wandering around claiming to be some kind of cyborg infiltrator, but then decided it was too much work – the position of the tooth means I’d have to grimace uncomfortably at everyone to show it off.

      I’m afraid my knowledge of Lard is pretty much limited to this one track, which I was introduced to by a very strange guy at high school. I’ll have to look up more of their work – I didn’t actually realise that Jello Biafra was involved until recently and I’m something of a Dead Kennedys fan.

  3. Mmm, “grimacing uncomfortably at everyone” often brings unwanted attention from the wrong kind of people…

    “come with us, sir, we’ve got a cell you can sleep it off in”

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