The Soldiering Life

Spam gets really creative.

Well golly gee! I’ve been drafted!

Mr. [Purple Wyrm],

You are being drafted for service in the United States Military by direction of President George W. Bush under authority contained in the Draft Reinstatement Act, signed by the 109th Congress on November 23, 2005. You are ordered to report to the Perth, WA Recruitment Center within three (3) days and begin basic training.

Go to the following website for more information and to begin your registration.

[address deleted for obvious reasons]

This email is a direct order from the United States Military Corp. Any attempts to delete it will result in your immediate prosecution.

Gylle T. Spark
Lieutenant General
U.S Military Corps.

Now I realise that most of our governmental policy comes from Washington these days, but I wasn’t aware that things had got to the point of letting the US Armed Forces have their pick of our citizens. Well I suppose there’s no point fighting it, so as soon as I can actually find out where the local recruitment office is I’d better turn myself in (either that or flee to Canada, eh?).

It could be worse. I’ve got a perforated eardrum, so that’ll excuse me from frontline duties. And if things get too onerous I can always try for a Section Eight. I don’t know if I’d go as far as to wear a dress, but I could certainly claim to be a worshiper of the Great Shabu. Yes, I think I’ll go out and stock up on druidic robes at the first opportunity. The Age of Shabu begins!

(PS: Suffice to say I deleted the email. So if you never hear anything more from me Lieutenant Spark has probably hauled me to off to Guantanamo Bay).

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