Bloody Uppity Genes!

by Purple Wyrm on October 7, 2003

You know it occurs to me that I’ve been mentioning a lot of “cute” women in my posts lately. The waitress at La Porcetta, the accountant over at West Tax, and probably others that I thought about mentioning, and then stopped myself from. While it’s possible that there has suddenly been a massive increase in the number of attractive young women wandering around Perth a much more likely explanation occured to me while watching a particularly fetching comedienne on Rove Live the other week. I reckon it’s down to genetics.

Human beings are (biologically speaking) only meant to live to about the age of 30. In the paleolithic for instance, the average life expectancy was around 28-34. In the Roman Empire the commoners only lived to about 22-25 (the upper classes were another matter entirely). Now, I’m twenty seven and a half (well, twenty seven point six six six continued to be exact) and have never even had the faintest hint of a relationship. So, I reckon my genes are getting itchy.

The problem with evolution is that it takes a long time to happen. It’s only in the last few centuries that better health care and nutrition have allowed us humans to have long lifespans. Our genes are yet to adapt to the fact that we (in the western world at any rate) now tend to live into our seventies. As far as they’re concerned if we don’t pass them on to the next generation before the age of 30, they’ve had it. So, my genes have taken a good look at my pathetically single life and are doing the DNA equivilant of screaming “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!?!???!??!!” – the practical upshot of which is that I’m suddenly perceiving any even halfway attractive woman that comes my way as the girl of my dreams.

Well – if my genome thinks it can push me around like that, it’s got another think coming! I’m not going to start making life decisions based on the opinions of a bunch of uppity little nucleic acids! They can shut up and crawl back into their chromosones as far as I’m concerned. I’m the one in charge of this organism damnit!

Right, with that insanity out of the way, onto other business 🙂

Email. I got a great email today. Or at least an email with a great subject line. Imagine my delight when I opened my inbox at work to find – hidden amongst all the spam – an email promising ‘Wight Loss’.

I just about fell out of my chair.

Predictably it turned out to be nothing but a misspelled spam promoting yet another miracle weight loss system, but I was momentarily distracted by the concept that someone (possibly tom@bombadil.com 🙂 was promoting their services to help rid subscribers of those unsightly undead spirits of Angmar just in time for summer. Oh well, I can dream 😉

In closing I should mention that there was a documentary about the murder of Julius Caesar on the ABC last night which concluded (among other things) that he suffered from temporal lobe epilesy. Now, what I want to know is did Caesar ever reported being abducted by aliens? ;-D

(Believe me, if you read Fortean Times you’d be laughing yourself stupid at that!)

(OK, maybe not stupid *g*)

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