The Number of the J’s shall be Three

As the Earth continues its perpetual round about the sun we come once again to the Christmas season, which can only mean one thing – it’s Triple J Hottest 100 time!

(What, you thought I was going to talk about peace on Earth or something?)

While I’m increasingly too old and decrepit to comfortably fit into the Js’ target demographic, I continue to stubbornly cling to my now distant youth by voting for my favourite ten songs of the year. After all, what would Australia Day be without the Hottest 100 countdown, and the associated wailing and gnashing of teeth as yet again only two or three of my chosen songs make it in and some lugubrious piece of crap takes out the number one spot? It’s practically a tradition! So I have once again traipsed over to the Triple J website and put my vote in for ten notable audio recordings, which I present below, in no particular order, so you may mock my musical taste at your leisure.

Icona Pop – I Love It: I do love it, although I can’t quite figure out why. Perhaps it’s because I am in fact from the 70’s? (Can’t say I know any 90’s bitches though…)

Regina Spektor – All The Rowboats: Dark, spooky and thoughtful like all of Regina’s best work (apart from her best work that’s sweet, bright and catchy, obviously).

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis – Same Love: If I hear that Thrift Shop song one more time I think I’ll stab forks through my tympanic membranes, but Same Love is a magnificent and moving political statement that I wholeheartedly support.

Santigold (blegh!) – The Keepers: Every time you mention Santigold (blegh!) you have to add “blegh!” which is (of course) the sound of someone throwing up glitter. In addition to being a commentary on American culture, this is a well constructed, catchy tune, with no glitter vomit to be seen.

360 – Run Alone: It wouldn’t be the Hottest 100 without some Aussie Hip Hop. Here’s the best example from the whole year.

The Rubens – My Gun: A bluesy, countryish song that sounds like something Shivaree would record. Good stuff!

Of Monsters And Men – Little Talks: Hey! A really catchy folk-country-rock type song – hey! – that out-Munford-and-Sons Mumford and Sons. Hey! It also has possibly the best video clip of the year. Hey!

Lisa Mitchell – Spiritus: Lisa Mitchell doing the thing she does best – being small and cute and doing repetitive things to a piano.

Skrillex – Bangarang: All right, I’m going to out myself. For all the fun I poke at Skrillex and his electronically babbling kin, I actually really enjoy dubstep. There’s something about the mechanised, mathematical nature of its sound collages that meshes with my brain in a way that I’ve only previously encountered in the works of Bach and Black Francis (that stupid farming video didn’t hurt either). Mock me all you like, but I’ll take some salsa on my ball boys – sweet rowdy!

Loreen – Euphoria: I don’t know if the winner of this year’s Eurovision Song Contest is even eligible for the Hottest 100 (it’s not on the official list) but I’m voting for it anyway. Loreen’s vocals on the song are just incredible, and lift it far above the Inception horns and silly popping noises that make up the rest of the track.

So that’s my ten. Runners up included…

Ben Folds Five – Draw A Crowd
Dappled Cities – Born At The Right Time
Dirty Projectors – Gun Has No Trigger
Killers – The Runaways
Metric – Breathing Underwater
Ladyhawke – Black, White And Blue
Lupe Fiasco – Around My Way (Freedom Ain’t Free)
Purity Ring – Fineshrine
Missy Higgins – Hearts A Mess

Right, I’m off to buy orange juice and super glue…

Death of Journalism, 2012 Edition

Attention journalists of the world (those from Fairfax and Channel 10 in particular).

Nostradamus did not say anything about calm mornings, dancing horses and “the number of circles” being nine. The quote that’s doing the rounds was made up on 9gag a few weeks ago, as a mere two minutes research online would show.

You know, research? Investigating things? The stuff that journalists are paid for?

Seriously – you people disgust me.

(To clarify – I have no problem with reports including the supposed quote, they should just also include the fact that it’s a fake)


So, tomorrow is the end of the world! Woo-hoo!

I can tell you what’s going to happen tomorrow – nothing. That is to say plenty will happen, but none of it will be any different to any other day on planet Earth. Sure, a cycle in a calender is coming to an end, but so what? Someone’s calendar is always ticking over. What makes the Mayans so damn special?

B’ak’tun come and go – after all they only last 394 years. Did the world end in 1617? Was human consciousness lifted to a new level in 1223? All evidence points to no. I ain’t holding my breath this time around.

And sure, you can claim that the end of the 13th b’ak’tun is special. That each ‘world’ lasts 13 b’ak’tun and then ends. The problem with that is that it’s an entirely modern idea based on fundamental misinterpretations of Mayan thought. There are only two Mayan inscriptions that even mention the end of b’ak’tun 13 – one of them merely notes that it’ll happen one day, the other says it’s the festival of an almost completely unknown minor god. That’s it. No prophecies, no predictions, absolutely nothing to suggest that the commencement of b’ak’tun 14 will be any different to any other point in human existence.

The end of the 13th b’ak’tun is upon us. The world won’t end, or be transformed, the human race won’t be wiped out or redeemed, and things will carry on into the 14th b’ak’tun just the same as it ever was – except that new age con-men will need to find some other way to sell books to the gullible (I’m guessing something to do with Nibiru).

I’m still going to take the opportunity to post this though…

This ‘science’ they speak of shall kill us all!!

Boo! Hiss! Hadrons!

Some thoughts…

  1. Anyone who thinks that the world will end when they flip on the Large Hadron Collider in a few hours is an idiot.
  2. Anyone who goes to the trouble of sending death threats to scientists to try and stop them turning on the Large Hadron Collider is doubly an idiot.
  3. Anyone who thinks that transposing the ‘r’ and ‘d’ to turn the Large Hadron Collider into the Large Hardon Collider is clever is triply an idiot.

That is all.

PS: Don’t even get me started on the 2012 crowd.

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