Category: Musical Snobbery

Music Music Music Music (The fourth ‘Music’ is a typo)

I’m busy planning and stressing out about my upcoming Europe holiday, but in the meantime here’s a quick round up of the music that’s been “rocking my casbah” of late, as I believe all the cool young folks say nowadays.

First up, Grimes. I’ve already mentioned how obsessed I am with the scintillating Flesh Without Blood, but her follow ups are just as strong. Kill vs Maim is downright savage (You gave up being good when you declared a state of WAAAAAAAR!!) and get a load of the video version of California (which I think I actually prefer to the album version).

Secondly, Source by Fever the Ghost. The song is pretty good, but the real draw for me is the fantastic video clip, animated by Australia’s own Felix Colgrave. The dragon (named Long Morrison as it happens) and those two dancing… things…. are so cute!

And finally I was watching Rockwiz last night and when the “Million Dollar Riffs” section came up the band struck up a riff that absolutely paralyzed me. It was like when something reminds you of a dream that you’d forgotten, and it come slamming back into your brain with full force. It turned out to (of all things) be the intro to You Little Thief by Feargal Sharkey which is a song that I loved as a kid, but somehow completely forgot about. Not only is it a great song (a diss track about Maria McKee as it happens), but the video clip is daggily fantastic! I’m quite convinced that the KLF borrowed elements of it for Justified and Ancient and the Stadium House Trilogy.

Right, I’m off to do the washing up before it develops sentience and attacks me…

Eurovision 2016

I decided not to get up and watch the Eurovision final live this year. I was at a semi-final party until late last night, so I slept in. We all know who won but I’m still going to do my review thing, because why not?

I’ll be adding some commentary on the on the acts that didn’t get through the second  semi-final when I have a minute, but here we go!

What has Julia done with her hair?

Right, a woman dressed in platonic solids, that makes sense.

And an octopus man.

And an elephant man.

And a semi-naked Finn the Human.

Apparently they’re all made of paper, that’s clever, but no excuse!

They must have a bunch of spare battery packs for Bulgaria. She’s lit up like a lighthouse in every single shot.

Belgium: Well they’re certainly enthusiastic. And very 90s. Not a great song, but the presentation is very Eurovision. Not hardcore Eurovision, I mean they don’t have any piano-centaurs or holographic wolves, but there’s plenty of cheese. 3/5, mostly for enthusiasm.

Czech Republic: All white costume! Drink! Competent, yet dull, so far. Hmmm, it’s growing on me a bit. Hair change! Drink! Not bad overall. 3/5

Netherlands: A protest song against modern life apparently. With ten seconds of silence for people to do whatever they want. Giant clock! Oo! He’s playing an instrument! And they’ve actually got a band on stage. Inoffensive, middle of the road pop-country. Looking dead into the camera and mouthing “I love you” – extremely creepy, you lose points for that! 2.5/5

Azerbaijan: Golden microphone and body stocking and lots of fire. I presume the song will kick it up a notch in a second. Ah, there we go! Extras from Buck Rogers dancing against a background of flying Zome. OK, but nothing amazing. 2.5/5

Hungary: There’s whistling apparently. Big drum! Drink! Those eyebrows are quite something aren’t they? Ah, backup whistlers. That’s an unusual choice. And now they’re doing aerobics. Musically it just sounds like a not particularly good Live cover band. Drum guy’s lost his mind. Seriously, what’s the deal with asymmetric shirts? 2/5

Ad break! Time for a semi-final review!

Switzerland: All I can remember is that she had a transparent skirt and was bobbing up and down in a fashion that may have been intended to look like she was skiing, but actually just made her look constipated. Not great, not great at all…

Belarus: This act was everything Eurovision should be! Weird face paint, nudity, holographic wolves, performing with multiple holographic versions of yourself. It’s a crime that this didn’t get through!

And we’re back!

Italy: From what I’ve seen this is just weird. Hey! It’s in Italian! The staging is strange, but the song’s not bad. Could do with a bit more tune. Are sparkly overalls the next fashion trend, or is it a tie in to the agricultural theme? Best so far I think! 3.5/5

Israel: Ah, the Robert Smith/Boy George hybrid. A giant sparkly Zome face! And here comes the hula hoop! The hula hoop is silly, but it’s a pretty good song – even if it is cribbing from… can’t quite place it, but there’s another song it’s grabbing a bit from. Something 80’s I think. 4/5!

Bulgaria: Ah yes! the girl with the light up suit and wobbly knees! I actually snorted with laughter when she started dancing the first time. It’s a passable dance song, but it needs a better chorus. Nonetheless she’s singing bits in Bulgarian, she’s wearing a cape and her costume lights up, so 3.5/5!

Another ad break…

Ireland: Was this guy in Boyzone, or does he just like look like he was in Boyzone? Anyway it was an adequate song sung by a guy in a weird jacket, but nothing much to write home about.

Macedonia: Dona Dona Dona. Dona. Dona Dona. A great voice, but the song was sub par. And that costume wasn’t doing her any favours.

Back to it!

Sweden: The local boy. Well this is a whole load o’ nuthin. Ah! here we go. His muttering is easier to put up with with some musical backing, but still not great. Relying a bit too heavily on the teen hearthrob factor I think. 2.5/5 and I’m not sorry.

Germany: This girl appears to be a big fan of Japan. And insane. Let’s see… Big moon! Apparently she’s the Queen of Mirkwood. A good dose of Eurovision weirdness, but the song isn’t doing much for me. Great voice though. 3/5

France: What’s the bet that this will be entirely in French? Apparently he’s a former dental surgeon. A former dental surgeon flying through space. Sacré bleu! There’s English bits! Somewhat catchy dance track. 3/5

Poland: Jon Snow in Michael Jackson’s jacket asking the same question that the Scatman asked much better 20 years ago (you know nothing Michał Szpak). That said, it’s a better song than some of the others we’ve seen tonight. 2.5/5

Australia: Hooray! Our first proper Eurovision contestant! And she’s sitting on a box, manipulating holograms. The songwriters really went for epic with this one didn’t they? She’s pulling it off though. You can call me biased, but I honestly think it’s one of the best songs of the night, and an excellent performance of it. 4/5

(Don’t worry, I have no doubt we’ll send something awful next year)

Cyprus: It’s a band! Holy crap, that’s an opening. Are they in cages for stealing their riff from Midnight Oil? Decent performance, but it’s not a great song. Ahh! Demon wolves! And now the lead singer’s possessed! Is that even legal? 2/5

Serbia: An issues song, which makes me feel kind of guilty for trying to mock it. Very gothy. Are the backup singers dressed in shredded garbage bags? And what’s with that hair? Key change! Drink! OK song, great voice! 3/5

Lithuania: Oh yeah, this guy. I wasn’t impressed in the semi-final. His singing seems out of synch with the music. And is he meant to be some kind of ice-bender? Or a snow golem? That spin was kind of cool mind you. Costume change! Drink! You know, this is actually a bit better than I remebered – his enthusiasm is carrying it. 3/5

Croatia: Woah. That is one crazy dress! Ow, she seems a bit flat. Costume change! Drink! She really does seem off key. 2.5/5 (would have been 3 if she was on tune).

Russia: The favourite! Shame they invaded Ukraine isn’t it? Wings! Woah! Big on effects. Tempo change? Magic stairs. Gravity defiance! Oh now this is just getting silly! Not a bad song, but I think everyone has been dazzled by the effects. 3/5

Ad break…

Slovenia: I can’t actually recall anything about Slovenia. To the YouTubes! Oh yeah! Her! If YouTube ever bloody loads I might be able to remember something about the song.

I guess not. Back again.

Spain: Silver sports dress? A bit sparse so far. OK, kicking in a bit now. More crazy knee dancing, guess that must be in at the moment. There’s a decent dance track in there, but it’s all a bit too busy for it to gel. There’s two of them now, like I said, too busy. 2.5/5

Latvia: Sounds a bit off key. OK, he seems to have recovered. A bit dull isn’t it? Strong voice, but not a lot going on. Singer falls to knees! Drink! 2.5/5

Ukraine: The song Russia didn’t want them to play! Another issues song really. Musically not my cup of tea, although the traditional bit in the middle is great. 3/5

Malta: Are we back in the club in 1994? Ah! Giant face! Psychotic gymnast! Drink! Not much to write home about here I have to say. 2/5

Another ad break, let’s try again…

Slovenia: Oh yeah, I really liked this! Uptempo banjos and prolonged la-las. The guy swinging around on the pole is a bit much, but it’s a real shame this didn’t get through to the final.

Back to the show!

Georgia: It’s good to see another actual band participating, but their song really isn’t very good is it? And someone should tell that guitarist that Oasis broke up years ago. Does dropping to your knees to fiddle with the effects peddles count for a drink? 2/5

Austria: In French. Sweet and inoffensive. Frank L. Baum may want to have a word with them about the effects. Wind machine! Drink! 3/5

United Kingdom: Oh, this is always a gamble. The UK tries so hard that they often kick an own goal, but let’s see. Is that guitar making the sound of a piano? Now, you see this is decent. No gimmicks, no trying to game the system, just some guys singing a halfway decent song. They’ll probably still get voted to oblivion, but at least the UK can hold their heads up this year. 3.5/5

Armenia: Oh dear, talking. Swimsuit and a cape, OK, there’s gonna be a wind machine in this isn’t there? Oh this is not good at all is it? Even the holograms can’t save it. Is she singing a completely different song to the music? 2/5

And that’s it! Time for the interval, featuring Justin Timberlake for some reason. But back to the semi-final…

Denmark: Actually pretty good for a boy band song. Quite catchy. Although what’s with the sleeves on the guy on the left?

Norway: Seemed a bit off key, and full of weird tempo changes. Interesting, but not smart.

Albania: Finally Albania, who looked like she’d fallen into a vat of molten copper. Seriously guys, cut back on the bronzer! But not a bad song overall.

You know, it’s already 10:00pm, we know who won and I have to go to work tomorrow. I think I’ll give the whole voting rigmarole a miss this year (I can always check it out on YouTube tomorrow).

Well done Ukraine! Next year in Kiev!

Can God Fill Teeth?

Six months back – about a week after I had a checkup with the dentist – one of my teeth really started to hurt. I went back, and – after sending me off to an expensive specialist – the conclusion was reached that the tooth had a crack in it and would need a crown. In the meantime the specialist patched it up with metal strips and resin and all kinds of funky stuff so bulky that I spent an hour or so in front of the bathroom mirror filing it down so it didn’t make me feel like a walnut was stuck in my gums.

Last week a big chunk of resin fell off it and this morning a long piece of wire unspooled from the side while I was brushing. This is not a major disaster as I have a dental checkup scheduled for this Friday at which I’m sure they’ll be able to patch it up, but while I was trimming the wire with a pair of scissors I couldn’t help but recall Lard’s absolutely insane track about supernormal dental happenings and self surgery Can God Fill Teeth?

Enjoy!

In the heat of the day

When you’re sitting in a room that’s just slightly too warm for comfort, the temperature outside is in excess of 40°C and you’re a bit sleep deprived because last night was too hot, there’s just something about the hollow synth drums, the rumbling base, the jangly echoing guitar, the shrieking choir and the disdainful muttering of Dominion by the Sisters of Mercy that takes you to another, strange aural place where it may not be any cooler but the heat seems more appropriate – even, in some fashion – epic.

Or maybe that’s just me…

Sitting, Watching, Waiting, Wishing

Once again as the Earth continues its appointed circuit around the star we choose to call the Sun, the time has come to select the ten best songs of the year and send them in to Triple J where they shall be completely drowned amidst millions of votes for some yodeling beardo strumming a banjo. But such is our lot to endure, so endure it we must!

I went into my selections this year with a few songs already picked out but wondering how I was going to fill up the rest of the list. As it turned out this wasn’t a problem – there were a surprising number of really good tracks hidden among all the dross. I even had to eliminate some, which is why there’s nothing from Chvrches or my future wife Florence Welsh.

So without further ado, here we go…

Bassically – Te Shi

The first time I heard this track I nominated it as my song of the year, and that hasn’t changed in the months since. It’s magnificent! If you don’t think so at first, turn up the bass and wait until it kicks in at about the 2:30 mark.

My opinion of the track is not at all hurt by it sharing a key four note sequence with Last Train to Trancentral.

Long Loud Hours – Urthboy featuring Bertie Blackman

Good hip-hop tells stories. I suppose bad hip-hop can tell stories too, but they’re generally about how the performer is better than everyone else due to their acquisition of money, jewellery, firearms and women, and are therefore not stories worth the bother of listening to. Urthboy though can usually be relied upon to actually say something interesting with his music, in this specific case telling the story of Lucy Dudko, the librarian who hijacked a helicopter to bust her lover, bank robber John Killick, from Silverwater Jail in 1999. An interesting twist in this modern age of redefined gender is that Urthboy sings Dudko’s part while Bertie Blackman takes on Killick.

Story aside the music on this one is really great too, with those distorted, off-beat notes that I suspect are being played in reverse. If Bassically hadn’t blown every other song away, this easily could have been my song of the year, and even if you don’t enjoy the music, you should be able to find some entertainment in the quite silly poses Urthboy pulls throughout the video.

Flesh Without Blood – Grimes

Oh no! Grimes has gone pop! It’s a disaster! Whatever shall we do?! Well if you ask me, stop whinging about your precious indie-cred and enjoy a fantastically structured, intricately layered pop-rock-alt track that’s catchy as hell. In addition to the music you also get to choose your favourite Grimes. Autocannibalistic Marie Antoinette Grimes? Scary angel Grimes? Cool Cuban Grimes? Crazy dance Grimes? Cave-dwelling goth Grimes? Take your pick!

Of course Grimes hasn’t completely abandoned her indie ways, so the only way you can hear the song on YouTube is a part of a short film double feature thingie. The second song is fine, but nothing to really write home about.

Pedestrian at Best – Courtney Barnett

I really couldn’t stand Courtney Barnett at first. This is mostly because her first single – History Eraser – is dreadful. It’s kind of ironic then that Pedestrian at Best is remarkably similar in style. It lifts itself out of the sub-Dylanesque mire of mumbled lyrics however with an absolutely vicious chorus that pulls the rest of the song together and makes the verses actually work. It’s great stuff! For all that the video is full of clowns (shudder!).

The Love Within – Block Party

Wub WUB WUB WUB Wub Wub wub wub. Wub WUB WUB WUB Wub Wub wub wub. There, you’ve heard 90% of the song, but somehow it works. Like Courtney Barnett’s effort the potentially inane remainder of the track is pulled together by a great chorus – a catchy, poppy affair that makes you want to jump up and dance.

Not that I’d ever do anything as undignified  as jumping up and dancing of course.

All the Day – Haerts

I love the rhythms in this. That’s really all I have to say. Umm, the band members met in Iceland – is that interesting? Hmmmm. Did I mention the rhythms?

Get Down – Jess Kent

Possibly the catchiest song of the year, if not the decade or indeed all of human history. And the video is the only use of Emojis I’ve ever seen that doesn’t make me want to go out and punch a millennial in the face.

Scud Books – Hudson Mohawke

I’m not sure what the title of this track means – if it means anything at all. But this is a great piece of epic Scottish ‘EDM’ – as I believe all the cool kids are calling it today.

Just a shame that the YouTube version appears to have had all the bass sucked out of it.

(Edit: Oh my! It means pornography!)

Something to Tell You – Tom Lark

I’ve been hanging onto this since the start of the year, wondering if enough good tracks would come along to push it off my list. They didn’t. It’s a sweet little pop song with the most ridiculously hipster video clip you’ve ever seen. I’m not sure if they were trying to be genuinely hipster, or made a parody of hipsterism so accurate that they Poed straight through and ended up firmly back in hipster territory. In any case, the song still stands.

Love me Badder – Elliphant

If I knew the precise definition of soul music I might suggest that this sounds kind of like it. But I don’t, so I won’t. It’s very good though, regardless of what other genres it may or may not resemble.

So there we go. The 10 best songs of 2015. I wonder what bearded hippie will take out number one this year?

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