Category: Lyrics

Dagoth Ur Welcomes You

I’m putting these lyric here so I can find them quickly when necessary.

(I shall leave the circumstances under which finding these lyrics quickly would be necessary to your imagination.)

Dagoth Ur welcomes you,
My sweet persistent friend,
To this place where destiny’s made,
Why have you come unprepared?

Nerevar, friend or traitor,
Come and look look upon the heart,
I wait for you, countless ages,
On your next incarnation,

What a grand innocence!
Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!
Did you get the false Sunder?
So naive! Shame on you!

Moon-and-Star, I’m Dagoth Ur,
And I’m a God, there’s no escape,
So come to me and bring Wraithguard,
Through fire and war, where we last met,

Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth,
Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth,
Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth,
Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth,
Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth,
Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth,
Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth,
Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth Ur, Dagoth,

Ha-ha-ha-ha, oh dear me,

Skeletons 2026

Said the Ukraine Skeleton “Help us to stay free!”
Said the USA Skeleton “What’s in it for me?”
Said the RFK Skeleton “Throw vaccines in the bin”
Said the Measles Outbreak Skeleton “Polka-dots are in!”
Said the Social Media Skeleton “With lies I will regale ya”
Said the Oil Industry Skeleton “Let’s annex Venezuela”
Said the Manifest Destiny Skeleton “Greenland’s looking nice”
Said the Minnesota Skeleton “There’s already too much ICE!”
Said the AI Skeleton “There’s no need to think!”
Said the Tech Bro Skeleton “Our AIs need to drink!”
Said the Elon Musk Skeleton “The white race must prevail!”
Said the MAGA Skeleton “Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!”

Welcome to MacArthur Park

MacArthur Park is melting,
Green icing running down,
Somebody left the cake out in the rain,

And I don’t think that I can take it!
‘Cause it took so long to bake it!
And I’ll never have that recipe again!

MACARTHUR PARK!
MACARTHUR PAR-AR-ARK!!
IT’S MELTING!!

Eheu Means “Oh No”

Being the kind of self-righteous snob who doesn’t consume a lot of commercial media it can sometimes happen that absolutely fantastic and hugely successful songs entirely pass me by, only for me to randomly stumble over them well after they’ve been moved into the realm of old.

For instance back in 2023 a YouTube playlist threw up Walk the Moon’s Shut Up and Dance. I’d somehow missed this absolute banger for almost a decade and had to resist the urge to run up to everyone I saw shouting “HAVE YOU HEARD THIS SONG!? YOU HAVE TO HEAR THIS SONG!!” when they’d almost certainly heard the song so much back in 2014 that they’d be happy never to be reminded of it again.

Well it’s happened again this week, with a little ditty named Pompeii by a little known British group named Bastille…

Now I wasn’t completely unaware of this track thanks to the legendary Important Videos YouTube playlist which included this gem…

…but it’s still kind of remarkable that such an amazing song has passed me by for (in this case) over a decade!

Did you know that the chant that features throughout the song is actually Latin? And that the line and the walls kept tumbling down in the city that we love is a reference to the earthquake of AD 62 that severely damaged Pompeii and Herculaneum 17 years before the eruption that destroyed them? Well I do now, and my life is unmeasurably improved by that fact!

There’s also a Latin version – although the singer (one Heleen Uytterhoeven) appears to have missed the memo about eheu meaning “oh no”, “alas” or “oh crap”. Nonetheless it’s a great cover!

I wonder what hit ancient songs I’ll stumble over next?

Gladiator Song

For fifteen pennies and a box of matches,
He’ll tell you about the things he catches,
Up in the rafters,
Down in the basement,
Running to the window sill to open up the casement,

Leaping high above the daily drama,
Only stopping for a Swedish Llama,
Quick with a jab,
Then with a cut,
Slamming all the windows shut,

You can’t tell exactly what he’s going to do,
Asking everybody for a light except for you,
Fifteen pennies and some matches from Peru,
If you doubt, call it out, with a shout!

Early Morning Musings on a Portrait of Kermit the Frog as the God Emperor of Mankind

Why’d I make so many sons I called Primarchs?
And why aren’t half on my side?
Konrad has visions, and Magnus illusions,
And Corvus just likes to hide,
Guilliman’s anal, the Lion loves secrets, and Vulcan is really tall,
Someday I’ll finish my webway connection,
And then I can dump them all,

Land of Misery

Got a migraine late on Sunday night so emailed work to say I’d be late in the morning, took a big handful of pills, switched off my alarm and went to bed.

As a result I ended up on the 10:07 Fremantle train from Perth and was privileged to witness a most impressive performance by a young man slapping out a beat on his legs while loudly snarling out rhymes in a very credible metal voice.

“…GIVING HEAD! GIVING HEAD! WANKING OFF THE MIDNIGHT DEAD! EVIL! EVIL! LAND OF MISERY!…”

Let’s face it, that’s better than anything released by Metallica in decades!

The Trooper

My earlier post about the Protomen’s album The Cover Up and their version of Iron Maiden’s The Trooper with each instance of “Russian” replaced with “Robot” got me thinking about what a more extensive conversion would look like. So I wrote one. Here ’tis.

You’ll take my life, but I’ll take yours too
You’ll fire your maser, but I’ll run you through
So when you’re waiting for the next attack
You’d better stand, there’s no turning back

The siren sounds, the charge begins
But on this battlefield, no one wins
The smell of acrid smoke and diesel fumes
As I plunge on into certain doom

My cycle engine roars, we break to run
The mighty roar of the robot guns
And as we race towards the android wall
The screams of pain as my comrades fall

We hurdle bodies that lay on the ground
And the robots fire another round
We get so near, yet so far away
We won’t live to fight another day

We get so close, near enough to fight
When a robot gets me in his sights
He pulls the trigger and I feel the blow
A burst of rounds take my bike below

And as I lay there gazing at the sky
My body’s numb and my throat is dry
A mess of wires where my arm had been
I never knew I was one of them…

And if that’s not enough desecration of a metal classic, check this out…