World War Dud

One of my fav0urite books of the last few years is Max Brooks’ World War Z. It’s an amazing example of both storytelling and world building, and so enjoyable that I’ve read the entire thing four or five times.

The trailer for the movie adaption was released a few days ago… Oh dear…

Running zombies? RUNNING ZOMBIES!? I don’t know what book they’ve been reading, but it ain’t World War Z.

Well, at least that’s one less movie I’ve got to make time to see…

A Taxonomy of Gross, Creepy Nerds

Gross, creepy nerds. You know the ones I mean. Overweight and greasy, they gather in the corners of comic shops, muttering in their strange nerd language and leering discomfortingly at anyone that dares enter their vicinity. Physically unappealing and socially dysfunctional, they are doomed to a life of loneliness, both by their inability to function normally and their unwillingness to implement any positive changes in their appearance or behavior.

Among the non GCN population, those who most often come into conflict with the gross, creepy nerd are women. The GCN – as with any straight male – is naturally driven to obtain female companionship, he is just completely unable to obtain it in any normal fashion. As such, he resorts to inflicting inept social interaction on any attractive woman that catches his eye. Such interaction is uniformly unpleasant for the woman involved, which leads to the majority of those so imposed upon to regard all GCNs as exactly the same kind of filthy weirdo. I contend that this is not the case, that there are in fact several distinct types of filthy weirdo among the GCN population, and that careful examination of their behaviors and failings will lead to a system of categorisation useful to determine if the freak hitting on one can safely be ignored, or should be kicked in the crotch with alacrity.

Hence I present here my Taxonomy of the Gross, Creepy Nerd, for the delectation and education of their social and moral superiors (ie: everyone).

Group 1: The IgnorantDisturbing yet fundamentally harmless social misfits.

The Oblivious: The Oblivious GCN is a simple minded soul who simply doesn’t realise that his interactions with women are dysfunctional. Bereft of any social perception (or numbed by a lifetime of abject social failure) he finds fulfillment and joy in any interaction with females, even when they’re telling him to get lost, or reacting with obvious fear and disgust. This, for him, is perfectly normal – the way the world is and always has been – and he’s perfectly content for it to continue as such until the day he dies, old, alone and basically happy.

The Hopeful: The Hopeful GCN knows full well that his approaches towards women fail horribly, but he continues with them anyway because he honestly believes that one day – presumably through the grace of a merciful god – he’ll either stumble into social competence or meet a girl who’ll find his musky odours and fumbling attempts at seduction charming rather than disgusting. The eternal optimist, he keeps on cheerily doing the inept and off-putting things he’s always done, taking every rejection with good humour and already looking forwards to his next attempt.

Group 2: The MisogynistsHorrible examples of humanity gone awry.

The Angry: Confronted with a lifetime of rejection, the Angry GCN has decided that the problem isn’t with him, his self-centred worldview and his poor personal hygiene, it’s with women. All women. In a fumbling attempt to justify his failures he’s latched onto the idea that every woman in the world is part of a grand, evil, man-hating conspiracy, and that’s why he never gets any action. He still tries, in his own, hostile way, but meets the inevitable rejection with yelling, cursing, and loud declarations that the object of his attention is a bitch, whore, gold-digger or lesbian – all such accusations accompanied by a good deal of foaming at the mouth.

The Hunting: Like all his fellow GCNs the Hunting GCN has never had any luck with women. Unlike them however he has decided to take action. Unfortunately rather than approaching the problem in a socially competent way, he’s analysed it like an engineering problem and decided that the optimum course to female companionship is via a targeted trapping campaign. As such the hunter assiduously studies the methods of the “pick up artist” community, and practices them at every opportunity – all the while failing to realise that they require a certain level of social competence (not to mention washing) that he’s completely incapable of. The abject failure of these techniques does not dismay him, rather it provides more opportunity for testing, experimentation and loud declamation on his ‘expertise’ in understanding the female psyche. He is the great white hunter, women are the prey and the rest of the world is disgusted.

Group 3: The AbstainersSelf pitying morons.

The Hopeless: The Hopeless GCN has been utterly crushed by a lifetime of ridicule and rejection. His confidence shot into tiny fragments, he doesn’t even try any more. Women walk by and he barely even looks – he just sighs quietly, weeps a little and adds another page to his encyclopaedia of despair and self-pity. In the (admittedly unlikely) event of an attractive woman speaking to him, he won’t look her in the eye and responds in monosyllables until she leaves – what’s the point in even attempting social intercourse when rejection is inevitable? His only companion is deep, crippling depression, and to be honest he prefers it that way because at least he knows she’ll never make fun of him.

The Noble: The Noble GCN has had his confidence shattered just as badly as the Hopeless, but his ego has remained at least somewhat intact. Unwilling to subject himself to further, inevitable rejection he has constructed a face saving fantasy in which he proves himself a hero by deliberately refusing to inflict his hideous self on the females of the world. He doesn’t refuse to talk to women because he can’t face failure – no, not at all – he does so as a noble sacrifice and will go to his grave knowing that his refusal made the world a better place.

So that is my taxonomy. To quote Bugs Bunny – wadda bunch’a maroons!

Oh America!

Apparently there’s some American woman who wants to move to Australia because…

…their president is a Christian and actually supports what he says…

Hmmm, let’s do a comparison…

Julia Gillard
Prime Minister of Australia
Barack Obama
President of the United States of America
President? No Yes
Christian? No – A stated Atheist Yes – Despite right wingers’ repeated claims that he’s a filthy, evil, communist, socialist, terrorist, Kenyan “Muslin”
He? No Yes
Actually supports what he says? No* No*
Score 0/4 3/4

When it’s put like that, I rather think she’d be happier staying where she is.

(* Find me a politician who does and I’ll give you a shiny new donkey – or if you prefer, elephant)

Election Day, Say Hooray

Do all your shopping at Walmart!

Well, today’s the US Election, when we’ll see if the leadership of the free world (TM) is seized by the evil usurper Romney, or retained by the evil incumbent Obama.

(Personally I’m hoping for the evil incumbent)

For those needing a refresher on their Presidents, here’s Jonathon Coulton’s wonderful song on the matter…

(Note that this is the original 2005 version that doesn’t include Obama or the correct year of Garfield’s assassination)

Let freedom ring people!

It’s finally happened, Bart – You’ve lost your mind!

For those not in the know, this weekend was Perth Open House 2012, which is part of an international movement that lets people in to buildings and facilities that are usually off limits to the general public. Ryan and I headed out on Saturday and took in the Perth Concert Hall, Council House, the heritage buildings on the Terrace and the Church of Jesus Christ Scientist.

Of the four, the Concert Hall had the best tour – with access to just about every nook and cranny including backstage and the roof space above the auditorium! – Council House had the best views, the Church had the best architecture, and the heritage buildings…. well that tour was pretty short and didn’t actually let us inside many of them – but as they’re now occupied by a dozen different businesses that’s probably understandable. And it was all free, so no complaints!

Pictures are slowly going up on my photostream.

You've lost your mind!But that’s not what I came to tell you about – I came to talk about the draft.

No! Wait! I came to talk about how I’ve gone completely mad.

Those who keep up with such things will know that I nominally run a Valhallan army in the Warhammer 40,000 tabletop miniatures game. I say “nominally” because I haven’t played a game in ages – my only semi-regular opponent was Fabes and he’s now got a partner and another kid on the way, both things that make playing with toy soldiers seem rather insignificant πŸ˜‰ One of these days I’ll get myself together enough to pack my force up, take it down to Games Workshop and play a game there – in the meantime I fool around with converting models and building terrain whenever the mood takes me.

And oh boy, has the mood taken me.

One of the elements of the 40k universe I’ve always liked are the Adeptus Mechanicus – the Machine Cult of Mars. There’s a lot of background for them, but no official tabletop army, which is a shame because if there was I’d probably be collecting that rather than the Imperial Guard (which is not to say there’s anything wrong with the Valhallans). One of the coolest things about the AdMech of course are the Titans – ridiculously oversized and impractical battle robots that constitute the Imperium’s ne plus ultra in regularly available battlefield forces – ranging in size from the merely impressive Warhound Scout Titan to the mind-bogglingly insane Emperor Titan, which could quite happily knock down the Statue of Liberty just for the hell of it.

Fielding a Warhound – or even the next size up Reaver – is quite possible with an Imperial Guard force, thanks to the amazing models available through Forgeworld. However, their sheer power (and points cost) limits them to oversized Apocalypse games, and their investment in terms of cash is not be sneezed at – particularly for a more-or-less casual player such as myself. So adding a Titan to my army is not something that’s really possible. That is unless…

…we consider the Knight.

Knight Titans are somewhat obscure nowdays – you hardly ever hear them mentioned in official sources. However they are part of the 40k universe and provide a much more reasonable option for Titanic tabletop goodness. There are no official models for them, so if you want to field one, you need to hack it together yourself out of existing models and whatever else you can find around the house – it’s quite a project to get on with.

Now what did I say earlier about fooling around with converting models? πŸ˜€

Yesterday I dropped a frankly stupid amount of money on eBay to purchase a Nemesis Dreadknight and assorted bits from the Storm Raven and Defiler models, all with the intent of knocking together my very own, homebrew Knight. Unlike most of my conversion projects I have a very clear idea on what I’m going to do with it, which should make matters rather more efficient – but it’s still no excuse for wasting so much money on toy soldiers. But hey, what can you do? πŸ™‚

(At least I can recoup some costs by selling the various bits I won’t use…)

I intend to field the model as an armoured Sentinel. It won’t be anywhere near as powerful as a Knight should be, but I’m more interested in just having a Titan model on the table than I am actually winning with it – which given my general performance with then models I already have is probably a good thing πŸ™‚

So that’s my insane plan. Stay tuned for progress updates when the parts actually arrive…

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