Your Music is Bad and you Should Feel Bad

Your music is bad. Bad and boring.

I don’t mean the music you make – if you make any music at all. I mean the music you listen to. It’s dull, boring, run of the mill and all the same. It’s based on the same tired old ideas of rhythm, of melody and of notes that stick to a “scale” (whatever that may be).

Mother of God
Mother of God!

When was the last time you listened to something that startled you? That intrigued you? That made you wonder? When was the last time you put on some headphones and listened to something so wildly different – or downright terrible – that it  challenged your very concept of what music could be? Too long ago I say! And I’m here to remedy that! I’m here to tear down everything around you and replace it with sounds so strange, so deranged and so downright stupid that your ears will never be the same again!

So let’s begin our journey into sound…

I took a ride on a Gemini Spacecraft – The Legendary Stardust Cowboy
Also Sprach Zarathustra – The Portsmouth Sinfonia
Transfusion – Nervous Norvus
Love Train – Varga
Ice Cream for Crow – Captain Beefheart
Ice Ice Bacon – The Trotters
Tastee Christmas – Tastee Bros
Alligator Wine – Screamin’ Jay Hawkins
Wuthering Heights – Mr Floppy
Wonderwall – Masonna
Bold Brathas – Boreale & Diomedes
Folsom Prison Blues – Shooby Taylor
It’s Halloween – The Shaggs
Puli Puli (Puli Tiger) – Darkey & The Keys
Clowny Clown Clown – Crispin Hellion Glover
I Ate Your Horse – Anal C**t
Peace and Love – John Trubee and the Geeks
Mr Tamborine Man – William Shatner
The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins – Leonard Nimoy
The Ruxton Rap – Bruce Ruxton
Buffalo – Stump
Golimar – Chiranjeevi
I’m an Individual – Jacko
The Fuddy Duddy Walk – The Entertainers
Jimmy Carter Says ‘Yes’ – Gene Marshall
The World’s Got Everything in It – Mince Meat
I’ll be Back – Arnee and the Terminators
U2 – Negativland
Hello Dad, I’m in Jail – Was Not Was

This list will continue to grow as I remember more of this stuff…

River of Love

Looks like a spark (WORP!), feels like a flame (WORP!)

I haven’t been posting anywhere near as much as I’ve meant to lately, and right now I don’t have the time to do anything about it. So I thought I’d just inflict another Youtube video on you all.

Here I am proud to present (courtesy of Regretsy where I first encountered his greatness) Varga with Love Train!

Yes, at first listen it’s a horrible, horrible piece of garbage that sounds like someone’s idea of a sick joke, but when Varga isn’t – well, singing isn’t even close to the correct description for those noises he makes, but we’ll stick with it for now – when Varga isn’t singing and when those weird squawking noises aren’t intruding (WORP!) it’s not totally bad. There are bits that sound like semi-competent 8o’s ballad pop hidden in there. If Varga learnt to program his Casiotone properly and handed vocal duties across to someone else then he could actually be on to something.


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