The Octopus!

Medical Cephalopods. What?!

Once again there’s a remake/remodel thread over at Whitechapel, which I’d take part in if…

a) I wasn’t an anti-social weirdo with an aversion to message boards
b) I could draw

As neither of these conditions apply I shall instead dabble in the black arts of pen-portraiture to inflict my idea upon the world.

The brief from Warren, such as it is, is as follows… (as it is is as?)

One of the more outré of the pulp characters—and given the genre, that’s quite saying something, believe me—the Octopus was actually the villain of the piece in his single issue, The Octopus v1 #4, 1939, written by…well, it’s not exactly clear. It might be Norvel Page, or it might be Ejler and Edith Jacobsen. A rather over-the-top mad scientist, the Octopus worked from a big city hospital and plotted world conquest. His appearance might explain his desire to dominate the world; he’s sea-green, with four “suction-cupped weaving tentacles” set above “hideously malformed” legs. He wears a small mask, and behind it can be seen two enormous, luminous, purple eyes. He was the leader of the Purple Eyes, a cult bent on world domination and mass destruction. The Octopus’ chosen method was an “ultra-violet ray” which devolved men and women and turned them into deformed, life-hating monsters hungry for human flesh and glowing with “ultraviolet purple.” Against the Octopus was set Jeffrey Fairchild, a young millionaire philanthropist (he eventually stopped the Octopus, of course). He had three identities. The first was Jeffrey Fairchild, hospital administrator. The second was was kindly Dr. Skull, the old man who made a practice of helping the poor in the slums. (His good works didn’t help him when everyone thought that he was the Octopus, however) In his other identity he was the “Skull Killer,” who fought crime and left a skull-imprint, ala the Spider, on his enemies. Fairchild was assisted by Carol Endicott, Dr. Skull’s nurse.

My idea is to turn this all on its head…

Observe if you will St Brendan’s Hospital, a run down and poorly funded medical facility on the waterfront close to where the river rolls it’s tribute of chemicals, fertilisers, PET bottles and dead dogs into the open sea. Twenty-five years ago a young octopus polyp was inadvertently sucked into the hospital’s cooling system. Against the odds it survived, feeding on biological waste, cafeteria remnants and bathing in the drug-residue soaked waters of the hospital drains – a lifestyle that caused it to change, developing super-human intelligence and a photographic memory…

Today the Octopus lurks in the hospital’s walls, pipes and air conditioning system. After a quarter century of observation (not to mention late night study in the medical library) it is a better diagnostician and surgeon than most of the hospital’s poorly paid staff. In the early hours it sneaks unseen from it’s bolt holes and performs life saving procedures on misdiagnosed patients, earning the hospital an increasing reputation for ‘miracle’ cures.

Posed against the Octopus is the dastardly Chief of Medicine, Doctor Jeffrey Fairchild. More than happy to pose for the press with the latest miracle recovery, he desperately searches the Hospital for the phantom that cures the patients he would rather let die. For Doctor Fairchild is embezzling the Hospital’s funding into his own personal accounts and every cure draws more attention, endangering his nefarious schemes…

So yeah, that’s my crazy idea. A medical octopus and an embezzling doctor. Surely that’d sell comics! 😀

Firefox Boosts World Population by Factor of Thousands

Your daily dose of Pedantry

I had reason to visit the Firefox download site the other day (http://www.getfirefox.net/) and was most impressed at their current usage statistics…

Firefox the award winning Web browser is absolutely free and easy to use. Join the over 500,000,000 million people worldwide enjoying a better and faster web browsing.

500,000,000 million people? If my maths is correct that’s about 77,000 times the entire population of the planet. I knew Firefox market penetration was good, but I didn’t realise it was that good!

Also, what the heck is a “web browsing”, and how can it be better and faster? 🙂

(Once I pointed out these issues my colleague Bevan sent Mozilla an email, so they’ll probably be fixed up soon. Probably.)

Late 2010

Actually it turns out that getfirefox.net has nothing to do with Mozilla at all and (as discussed by New Scientist’s “Feedback” section when I alerted them to it)  they were/are actually collecting data on people visiting the page. Interesting….

A Poor Attempt at Mimicry

An attempt at channelling the style and spirit of Warren Ellis

In reference to this monstrosity

Fabes: I am surprised they could afford the materials for this project, after getting ripped off $15/month for playing WoW to begin with….

Me: Well it looks like they’re university students so their government is probably paying them all sorts of grants to get up late, play Warcraft into the early hours of the morning then occasionally stumble into class where their lecturer asks “What are you doing for your big design project?” and they mutter out “… uh.. design… project… raid… caverns of num-yabisc… Warcraft….” and they then have no choice but to build some crappy hut with $12.50 worth of plywood claiming that the shitty design and finishing is so it resembles structures in the game and isn’t because they had zero time to work on it between carrying out mass raids and shovelling microwaved mac and cheese into their drooping maws while ogling at 3D models of elf maidens in armour so skimpy that it wouldn’t stop a mosquito let alone the axe of an orc on wolfback who probably carries mosquitoes with him anyway as a consequence of bad hygiene and all the blood he wears as war paint the bastard.

(This is an attempt at sounding like Warren Ellis. If he ever finds out about it he may well hunt me down and kill me 🙂

(Oh, and the guys who built the thing obviously put a great deal of thought and effort into it – I’m just being evil for humourous effect)

Sensory Impressions of Six Perth Rail Lines…

Your weekly dose of art nonsense

Midland Line: The muttering of commuters, the smell of stale beer and the soft snoring of drunks.

Clarkson Line: The whoosh of automatic doors and the yells of people trying to be heard over the traffic.

Fremantle Line: The clinking of wine-glasses, the smell of sea air and the tangled dreadlocks of surfers.

Mandurah Line: The whoosh of automatic doors, that new car smell and cries of “We have to take a bus the rest of the way?!”

Thornlie Line: The muttering of commuters and the grey hopelessness of the pre-dawn.

Armadale Line: Jungle drums and muffled screaming.

Cut it back to half an hour. That’s what I’d do.

Why not just stick with the lyrics as written? That’s TV execs for you…

Channel Ten’s much vaunted comedy quiz show Talking ‘Bout Your Generation premiered last night. My thoughts on it are as follows…

The opening credits and music were mildly entertaining.

Shaun Micallef did an OK job as host, although a lot of the jokes were a bit forced.

The whole thing was pretty slow paced. Hopefully it’ll speed up in later episodes.

That’s Ruby Rose? She’s cute! And… famously gay. But hey, if a guy can’t fantasise about completely unobtainable relationships he might as well give up, slick back his hair and join Amway.

The Grand Theft Auto joke was fantastic.

So while I wasn’t overwhelmed I’ll give it another chance and tune in next week. If it’s still as stumbling and slow paced though it won’t get a third.

Dom Deluise is dead. That sucks 🙁

Another Status Update

Games, Trains and Toilet Fame

The game on Sunday went pretty well. The players floundered around like freshly landed fish until I gave them some fairly hefty shoves in the right direction, but they seemed to enjoy it. I finally got to play out the big climactic scene that’s been in my head for a good seven years (ever since I came up with the adventure in the first place) and it seemed to go over fairly well – even if it was consistently interrupted by Fabian’s character threatening to shoot everyone ;D

I also managed to score a mention on Worst of Perth with my infamous tale of the Fasta Pasta toilet DVD (definitely NSFW). It seems to have been accepted fairly well by the community, even getting a few songs composed about it in the comments.

Finally I stumbled over this site last week and have to say that it’s one of the best designed (in a visual sense) sites I’ve seen in a long while. If I wasn’t happy with the hideous visual hodge-podge of Wyrmworld I’d seriously consider appropriating the colour scheme, if not actually stealing the layout wholesale. Well done fellows! Well done!

OK, that’s it.

Late 2010

Um, yes. N-Scale Limited’s layout. Um. Nothing to see here, move along… 😉

What’s Wrong with Modern Cinema

Superman with an army though is way off…

A non-flying, non-costume-wearing Superman with the eyes of a violent, caged killer, beating up a giant spider while Braniac and his gay, black, robot sidekick whale on polar bears?

Kevin Smith explains what happened to his Superman movie

I would pay to see that movie.

(I would put a language warning on that link, except that it’s Kevin Smith and hence implied)

Futile Boasts

The photos are up on Flickr!

I’m still too busy to make any kind of proper post, but I’d just like to say that I cycled 14kms yesterday and climbed to the top of Reabold Hill and didn’t die!

Hooray me! (place as much sarcasm on that as you feel comfortable with)

Here’s some music…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXn1320YH8s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIvF_ZBE6es
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIWRYwCGEF4

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