Mr Wong, has got it going on, He’s all that you need when you’re visiting Hong Kong, What kind are my cheques? Why, they’re American Express! I know it might be wrong, but I’m in love with Mr Wong,
A frog monster – Painted and Photographed by Pijlie
No, not actual frogs! Actual frogs are awesome! Leave them alone. I’m talking about frog monsters, the recurring enemies of the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense from Hellboy, and very specifically the frog monsters you encounter while playing Mantic Games’ Hellboy: the Board Game.
Back during the white-hot frenzy of the game’s Kickstarter (the conclusion of which I spent staying in a castle in Italy which proved disappointingly devoid of secret rooms, ghosts, and/or helpful skeletons) someone started compiling a playlist that would be suitable to whack on during a game session. I thought this a fantastic idea and made a number of suggestions which were duly incorporated, but was displeased to discover a whole bunch of songs that were CLEARLY AND ENTIRELY UNSUITABLE being included! It was OUTRAGEOUS and I immediately started compiling a list of PROPER songs, which has been slowly growing in the back of my head ever since.
It’s rather a short list. I can’t quite pin down the criteria for a suitable Hellboy song, but I know it when I hear it. It will likely have a gravel voiced singer, a lot of base and a general atmosphere of menace. Something of a country and western feel – without going too far into Hank Williams territory – is common. Lyrics with supernatural elements are obviously a plus, but are not essential.
I’ve posted my list here and will add to it as I discover more tracks. Suggestions are welcome, but don’t expect me to accept any of them!
Red Right Hand – Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
The World Ender – Lord Huron
City of Dreams – Mickelangelo
Riders on the Storm – The Doors
Jesus Built my Hotrod – Ministry
Ghost Riders in the Sky – Stan Jones
The Devil Went Down to Georgia -The Charlie Daniels Band
Black Market – Bear McCreary
Road to Hell – Chris Rea
Ashes to Ashes – Steve Earl
Dragula – Rob Zombie
How’s it Gonna End? – Tom Waits
Bella Lugosi’s Dead – Bauhaus
Fallout 4 Main Theme – Inon Zur
Mars, the Bringer of War – Gustav Holst
Black Star – Lustmord
Finally, if your players are leery at the idea of killing frogs then play them some of Froggy 2000. It’ll get them in the right headspace in no time…
I had a really rough week mental health wise – feeling anxious, not sleeping well, all tired and stressed from not sleeping well, the works. I decided to have an early night on Thursday and was prepping the pills I take before bed (yes, I have reached that age) when I noticed that the paracetamol tablets I’d been taking weren’t just paracetamol…
I am having the kind of weekend that would make Saint Francis of Assisi strangler a badger. I’ve got a long list of things I need or want to get done, but every time I start on one I’m immediately blocked by either disruptions to public transport or unexpected consequences of past decisions. It’s unutterably frustrating, so much so that if anyone had even glanced at me sideways during my last attempt to get something done I would have been hard pressed not to scream and physically attack them.
So it’s no wonder that my mind has turned to weapons.
Many years ago I read an essay by the great writer Isaac Asimov in which he discussed how his famous Three Laws of Robotics were actually a specific implementation of a more general Three Laws of Tools. For those unfamiliar with the Laws of Robotics they are…
1: A robot shall not harm a human, or through inaction allow a human to come to harm. 2: A robot shall obey the instructions given to it by a human, except where this would conflict with the first law. 3: A robot shall preserve its own existence, except where this would conflict with the first or second laws.
(There’s also a ‘zeroth’ law that Asimov introduced later, but we’re not worrying about that for this discussion.)
In his essay Asimov reformulated these into his Three Laws of Tools:
1: A tool shall not harm a human, or through malfunction allow a human to come to harm. 2: A tool shall do what the user intends, except where this would conflict with the first law. 3: A tool shall not break, except where this would conflict with the first or second laws.
In deriving these Laws he mentioned that they do not apply to weapons, and even speculated as to whether weapons should be considered a specialised subset of tools, or not even count as tools altogether.
It was the non-applicability of Asimov’s laws to weapons that I found myself thinking about the other day. Could a similar set of Laws could be created to cover the very deliberate harm-causing nature of weapons? After a bit of mental back and forth I realised that Asimov’s Laws – although stated as Laws – are actually carefully ranked priorities, and looking at things that way eventually allowed me to tweak them into the Three Laws of Weapons:
1: A weapon shall not harm a non-target or through malfunction or inaction allow a non-target to come to harm. 2: A weapon shall do what its operator intends, unless this would conflict with the first law. 3: A weapon shall not harm itself unless this contradicts the first or second laws.
The crucial difference is of course the division of humans into people you want to harm – targets – and people you don’t want to harm – non-targets. Once that’s done the laws work perfectly.
So, now you know the Three Laws of Weapons. Try not to need them.
Hear the world of Zardoz! An Exterminator shall not harm a non-Brutal or through inaction allow a non-Brutal to come to harm…
