Music to Kill Frogs By

A frog monster – Painted and Photographed by Pijlie

No, not actual frogs! Actual frogs are awesome! Leave them alone. I’m talking about frog monsters, the recurring enemies of the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense from Hellboy, and very specifically the frog monsters you encounter while playing Mantic Games’ Hellboy: the Board Game.

Back during the white-hot frenzy of the game’s Kickstarter (the conclusion of which I spent staying in a castle in Italy which proved disappointingly devoid of secret rooms, ghosts, and/or helpful skeletons) someone started compiling a playlist that would be suitable to whack on during a game session. I thought this a fantastic idea and made a number of suggestions which were duly incorporated, but was displeased to discover a whole bunch of songs that were CLEARLY AND ENTIRELY UNSUITABLE being included! It was OUTRAGEOUS and I immediately started compiling a list of PROPER songs, which has been slowly growing in the back of my head ever since.

It’s rather a short list. I can’t quite pin down the criteria for a suitable Hellboy song, but I know it when I hear it. It will likely have a gravel voiced singer, a lot of base and a general atmosphere of menace. Something of a country and western feel – without going too far into Hank Williams territory – is common. Lyrics with supernatural elements are obviously a plus, but are not essential.

I’ve posted my list here and will add to it as I discover more tracks. Suggestions are welcome, but don’t expect me to accept any of them!

Red Right Hand – Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

The World Ender – Lord Huron

City of Dreams – Mickelangelo

Riders on the Storm – The Doors

Jesus Built my Hotrod – Ministry

Ghost Riders in the Sky – Stan Jones

The Devil Went Down to Georgia -The Charlie Daniels Band

Black Market – Bear McCreary

Road to Hell – Chris Rea

Ashes to Ashes – Steve Earl

Dragula – Rob Zombie

How’s it Gonna End? – Tom Waits

Bella Lugosi’s Dead – Bauhaus

Fallout 4 Main Theme – Inon Zur

Mars, the Bringer of War – Gustav Holst

Finally, if your players are leery at the idea of killing frogs then play them some of Froggy 2000. It’ll get them in the right headspace in no time…

Questions from my Toilet Paper

1: What is the best way to identify a frog species?
Stop it at the border and demand its papers

2: Some frogs can change the colour of their skin, why would they do this?
To keep up with the latest fashions

3: What is the biggest threat to our frogs?
Frog eating aliens from Tau Capricorni

4: True of False? Frogs can leap higher than a house.
True, for a sufficiently small house and a sufficiently large frog.

TP, why you question me?
TP, why you question me?

Lights! Camel! Action!

I like the bit about the whales.

I was thinking today (as one does) of the band Stump and their wonderful (and previously featured on this blog) song Buffalo, when it occurred to me that I’d never actually bothered to look up anything else they’d recorded. A bizarre situation that I had to address immediately!

So I did, and was rewarded with Charlton Heston.

Quirky, weird, Hollywood-biblical and catchy as hell, and that’s why it’s my pick of the week!


By the way – 100,000 frogs per mile works out to one frog per 1.6 centimetres, which seems a tad crowded. Unless they mean 100,000 frogs per square mile, which works out to a measly one frog per 25.89 square metres. Across the whole of modern Egypt this would total 38,666,200,700 frogs.

Just in case you were wondering.

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