Category: TV and Cinema

Foretold

Got a lot of stuff going on at work at the moment which is sending my anxiety levels higher than Ozzy Osbourne at the Alamo, thus not a lot has been happening here at the Wyrmlog as I’m generally finding myself with only enough energy to play Minecraft, listlessly surf the web, troll people on Reddit and sleep.

But I thought I’d pop up briefly to say how much I enjoyed Mummy on the Orient Express. I honestly think it’s the best episode since Capaldi took over. I’ve been a bit uncertain of him as the Doctor – I like him, and he’s certainly been trying hard but it wasn’t until The Caretaker that I felt that he started to fit into the character – a delay that I’m pretty sure is down to a combination of scripts and direction more than any intrinsic unsuitability for the role. But last night he was every bit the Doctor, and the story was a cracker as well.

Also, well, it shames me slightly to admit this – the modern sensitive man that I so obviously am – but that dress! I’ve never found Jenna Coleman any more or less attractive than any other pretty young woman, but that flapper outfit – wowee I believe is the word.

OK, that’s more enough of that I think we can all agree.

That sure told me!

So the other day I happened to check out the trailer for the US reality show Utopia, in which a carefully selected group of academics, scientists and engineers is put into a isolated compound for a year to construct a new society. Oh, sorry, I got that wrong,  a carefully selected bunch of fanatics, weirdos and freaks are put into a compound for a year so we can cheer at them fighting each other. Good wholesome entertainment!

Anyway, I was watching the trailer and they cut to the narrator who was a natty looking chap in a waistcoat, hat, thick rimmed glasses and moustache. “Who’s he think he is?” I laughed to myself “Dan Piraro?“.

A subtitle came up on the screen – Dan Piraro.

Well, that sure told me!

Miscellany

Got my hair cut over the weekend. I decided that when random youths on the street start shouting “Wolverine!” at you it’s probably time to get your sideburns trimmed at the very least.

I quite liked Peter Capaldi as the new Doctor. A post-regeneration episode is never going to give you a proper look at the new version, but I approve so far. I must note however that they should have included some kind of explanation as to why the dinosaur was almost as tall as the Elizabeth Tower – I’m fairly certain that theropods never got that big.

I also really like the latest single from Bertie Blackman, Run For Your Life. It has a ominous, mysterious sound to it that puts me in mind in equal parts of the Cure and Halogen’s On a Bridge, with a comparatively triumphant, soaring chorus that resolves some of the tension from the verses. For some reason it also reminds me of Terry Dowling’s Blue Tyson novels – if they ever turned them into a movie (a prospect in equal parts fantastic, terrifying and unlikely) I’d lobby for it to be on the soundtrack. Have a listen!

That is all.

Where are they now?

Much has been made of the fact that this year is the tenth anniversary of the end of seminal 90’s sitcom Friends (half of which was of course set, filmed and broadcast in the 2000’s). So with that in mind I figured we’d take a look at what the cast are up to, ten years after their multi-million dollar feedbags were forcibly removed…

Jennifer Aniston continues with a comfortable  career in big screen comedies, and manages to look damn hot while doing so.

Courteny Cox has finally managed to land some post-Friends television success with Cougar Town and is engaged to some guy from Snow Patrol.

Lisa Kudrow has gone from strength to strength with guest roles on numerous TV shows, ads for computer games and a successful web series.

Matt LeBlanc hit a bit of a slump with the not-entirely successful spin off Joey but bounced back by playing a fictionalised version of himself on BBC comedy series Episodes. He also toppled Rowan Atkinson from poll position in the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car segment on Top Gear.

Rob ‘David’ Schwimmer was last reported living rough on the streets of Tallahassee Florida. He has been sighted with a crudely lettered cardboard sign indicating that he will say “We were on a break!” for loose change.

Matthew Perry is reported to have reclaimed three of his seven horcruxes and continues on his quest to cast the Earth and everyone on it into the pit of eternal flame for the greater good of his dark master. We wish him every success.

THE GREATEST TV SHOW OF ALL TIME!

There’s this guy, right? And he has this power, but he doesn’t know what the power is, just that he has it. And to find out what it is, he has to go on, like, a quest, and in the quest he visits this aircraft carrier, but it’s not really an aircraft carrier, it’s actually a parking garage. And in the garage there’s this, like, sort of bear man – he’s a man, but he’s also like a bear, right? Like, he’s big and hairy and he growls sometimes so you might think he’s a bear. And the bear man tells him something really important to do with concrete. And so now he has to go out and get the concrete, like all of the concrete, but there’s this big corporation that makes the concrete and they won’t give it to him. So he has to get a lawyer who specialises in concrete to represent him, but, and here’s the thing, he can’t afford a lawyer, so he has to hire a hot dog seller who says he’s a lawyer. But he’s not really a lawyer, he’s just a hot dog seller. And the hot dog seller has a dark past, which we see in flashback. And that’s pretty much the first season. In the second season there’s going to be this guy who flies and shoots firebolts from his hands. And then there’s, like, this other guy, and he has a power too and he knows what his power is and if our guy finds out what his power is it means the new guy will lose his power, right? And as the viewers we don’t know what his power is, although he already knows it, and he won’t tell anyone. And if he loses his power he’ll be turned into something really stupid like a dog, or an aircraft carrier or something. And so he wants to stop the other guy because he doesn’t want to be a dog or an aircraft carrier. So he’s hunting down the other guy and he has a friend who’s a really good hunter, but he has to pay him because although he’s his friend he doesn’t work for free, ever, because that’s his policy and he only accepts two dollar bills in payment and he wants a lot of them because he’s really expensive even to his friends. So they need to hunt for the other guy but also for lots of two dollar bills because they’re really rare. And the new guy has some kind of problem, maybe with his feet or his calves, and he’s always complaining about them and the hunter also has a problem that he complains about all the time, so they’re always complaining and they’re like the complaint brothers which is what the all fans will actually call them. And the show will be called “MAGNUM P.I. THE FORGOTTEN YEARS” and the new guy is played by the same actor as the old guy because they’re twins.

I would rather live on a train

Thanks – I’m fine,
But I’ve nothing to give,
But I just have to leave,
Enough – I would rather live on a train,
And now – I’m dying,
Cause I don’t want to be here,
I don’t want to be seen,
Enough – I would rather live on a train,

— On a Train, Yuksek

If you’re wondering why I haven’t been posting of late it’s because I’ve been feeling wretched, wrung out and on the edge of total burnout for the last few weeks. I really need some time to curl up into myself and completey ignore the world – happily I’ve arranged to take some leave in August, so I only have to hold out till then, which I think is just about doable. Just don’t expect me to be presentable, amicable or even sociable until then.

In the meantime there are a few things that need mentioning…

1: The Wyrmlog has, for some reason, stopped emailing me when people comment. So, if you’ve made some wildly witty and intelligent comment and are miffed that I’ve completely ignored it, that’s why. I only see your comments when I log in to make a post, and I haven’t been doing that lately. I’ll see if I can fix the problem when I have a minute (maybe September some time).

2: Went to Supanova with Bek and Paula. Quite fun, despite my current fairly desperate state of mind. Saw Rose McGowan and John Barrowman who were charming (see what I did there?) and hilarious respectively. The story about the understudy and the laxatives, oh my god! And Mel Brooks screaming “GET INSIDE! THEY’RE GONNA DO SOMETHING CRAZY!”. Great stuff!

3: It’s nice that Heron are trying to make their paracetamol tablets more palatable, but making them taste like a caramel vanilla milkshake seems somewhat misguided. Even I, who am fully aware of what a paracetamol overdose does to your liver (to wit, kills it, with negative subsequent consequences for your general wellbeing) am tempted to chow down on a big pile of them just because they taste so damn good. I can’t imagine how the uneducated hoi-poloi react to such temptation!

4: I may well be completely out of the loop, but I was listening to the radio on Sunday when a song came on that from the very first bar completely grabbed my attention. I thought at first – based on the vocals of the first verse – that it might be a new Megan Washington track, but was disavowed of this theory when the chorus cut in, and so hastily transcribed some lyrics into Google to determine exactly what I was listening to. It turned out to be 24 Hours by Sky Ferreira – an artist that I was peripherally aware of but had never paid much attention to. Well, I’m paying attention now. The song is a great electro-pop track that I’ve listened to so often over the last three days that it’s now stuck in my head to the point of nausea, but I’m still looking forwards to listening to it on a more moderated schedule once the neural burn-in repairs itself. Here it is anyway, so you can laugh at how execrable my musical tastes have become…

5: Saw The Double on Sunday with Rebecca. A very strange, but very stylish and enjoyable movie. Directed by Moss from The IT Crowd you know. If you like thought provoking sci-fi, urban dystopias and crazed, shovel wielding priests then definitely go check it out.

Hmmm, I think that’s about it for now. There was probably some other stuff I wanted to mention, but I’m too scatter brained from stress and fatigue to think of it. Go and make your own damn entertainment.

Insomniac

Was lying awake at 3:00am this morning completely unable to remember the first verse of Jingle Bells. I have no idea why I needed to remember this in the wee hours of late May, but it was driving me nuts. Second verse, fine. Part of the third verse, also fine. First verse? Complete mental blank. My brain didn’t drag it up until I was brushing my teeth, hours later with fitful sleep at best in between.

Was waiting for the bus across to Morley this morning when someone got out of a car stopped at the lights. Not terribly unusual, except for the fact that they violently hurled the contents of a large takeaway cup at the car behind them, then jumped back in before driving away. Completing this little tableau was the police car (apparently unseen by the perpetrator) waiting at the other side of the intersection, which turned on its lights and casually took of in pursuit. Nice to see a little bit of instant karma.

Last Tango in Halifax ain’t bad is it? If I’d realised Nicola Walker was in it I would have started watching ages back.

Spiderman, Spiderman…

Many, many years ago my Dad happened to get a copy of The SAS Survival Handbook out of the local library. I found it fascinating – page upon page of advice on navigation, first aid, locating and trapping food, building shelter, signalling, and everything else a body could need in the aftermath of a plane crash, earthquake or other assorted apocalypse. I spent hours poring over it, and ended up getting my own copy to spend even more hours poring over without having to worry about late fees.

There was one thing that confused me though. Among the suggested equipment that you should carry with you at all times (which included knives, razor blades and a flexible wire saw – not really so great for air travel nowdays) was something called a ‘beta-light’. This was described as a ‘crystal’ that glows – glows forever in fact – providing enough light to read a map by or to tie to a hook and line as a fishing lure.

This puzzled the hell out of me. A glowing crystal? That’s the kind of thing you’d expect to find in a Charles Berlizt book about the mystery of Atlantis, not a hard nosed book about how to snare and skin badgers. Yet there it was, listed between the iodine crystals and waterproof matches (which you should split in half lengthways to save space). “Beta-Light”. Was that a brand name? Like it’s a “better” light? I couldn’t tell. I asked my parents what this magical item might be, but they were no help and didn’t seem to comprehend how unlikely and science-fictional such an item seemed. I tried looking up “beta-light” in the encyclopedias down at the library, but there was no such entry, and those in those now far gone days before the web that was pretty much the limit of research. So the concept of perpetually glowing crystals settled down into a quiet corner of my brain to await further developments, none of which were to occur for decades.

A few weeks back Spiderman 2 was on TV. I saw Spiderman when it came out in the cinemas and quite enjoyed it, but had never actually seen the sequel, and since I had nothing on the next morning decided to stay up and watch. I thought it was pretty good – Alfred Molina in particular did a great job of making Doctor Octopus a sympathetic villain, and Toby Macquire continued to be excellent at portraying a scrawny nerd from Queens. The one thing I did find amusing about the who thing however was the plot’s insistence on the importance of tritium – a substance so common that the oceans are full of it, yet a few grams is apparently enough to destroy the whole of Manhattan. Oh how I laughed!

Just out of idle curiosity, during an ad break, I decided to look up tritium on Wikipedia. Oops. Turns out I had been confusing it with deuterium. I don’t know if a few grams of tritium would be enough to destroy Manhattan, but I wouldn’t want to risk it. Continuing through the article I stumbled over the following…

The emitted electrons from the radioactive decay of small amounts of tritium cause phosphors to glow so as to make self-powered lighting devices called betalights…

Holy crap! I clicked on the link, and there it was, all laid out for me!

Turns out a beta-light is not a “crystal”. It’s a sealed container of glass or plastic filled with gaseous tritium and lined with a phosphor. As the gas undergoes radioactive decay the beta particles emitted cause the phosphor to fluoresce, producing light. It won’t of course last forever, but it will provide light for many years, and although increasingly replaced with less radioactive light sources, it’s still pretty safe and would be a handy thing to have in a survival situation. Case closed!

In light of this surprising development, I now plan to watch Spiderman 3 to see if it can answer my questions about three body gravitational problems.

 

 

Kidding. There is no force on Earth that could make me watch Spiderman 3.

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