Disordered Thoughts and Curmudgeonly Ramblings
Nocturnal ramblings
The phrase “Stitch Cloud and Cleanse Feather” popped into my head as I was falling asleep last night. I have absolutely no idea what it means (well, a cleanse feather could be some kind of feather that cleans things I suppose) but I like the way it sounds.
You see, now it’s quick and easy for me to blog things you’re going to get a whole mess of pointless Twitter-like entries like this…
Once again I am undone by food
I suppose it’s a bit redundant now that the show’s finished but I just wanted to say that the titles to the Chaser’s Yes We Canberra are some of the best I’ve ever seen on TV. The city of Canberra converted into an array of nonsensical infographics is a genius concept, and it’s brilliantly executed as well.
But that’s not what I’m here to talk about. Here to talk about chips.
Different countries have different flavours of chips (crisps, potato chips, those crunchy things you buy in a bag). Which is fine, except when your country doesn’t have the really good ones.
In the magical land of the United Kingdom for instance they have two flavours of chips (or at least crunchy, nutritionally void snack foods) that don’t exist here in the colonies. These flavours are a gourmand’s delight, the kind of chips they’ll serve you in heaven. They are Smokey Bacon and Pickled Onion.
Oh the delights of smokey bacon! The subtle (oh, alright, completely overwhelming) vinegary goodness of pickled onion! No snack food in this benighted nation can compare to their greasy enchantments! At least, none could until now…
Just recently the Red Rock Deli company has released a new flavour of their gourmet chips – Sea Salt and Balsamic Vinegar. While not quite as delightfully devastating to the taste buds as the fabled pickled onion, they’re actually pretty good. The one bag of chips I allow myself to indulge in each week has rapidly become completely monopolised and is likely to remain so for the foreseeable future, or at least until the sour receptors on my tongue burn out completely. Well done Red Rock Deli!
That’s all I have to say.
Is it 5:00pm yet?
Your toxic household
What household item is linked to cancer, obesity and undescended testicles?
Twilight books!
(Hey, it’s Saturday and I’m at work. I have to find my amusements where I can)
No more cheese before bed for me…
Some kind of worm, at least 800 metres tall, impossibly thin but with a trumpet-like mouth stands over the city, screaming “I HAVE FOUND YOUR GOD!! I HAVE FOUND YOUR GOD!!” The ground starts to shake as a hundred metre tall tsunami – black as night – appears on the horizon and the crowds start to flee. “HERE COMES YOUR GOD!!” shrieks the worm…
Don’t you love those dreams that make you wonder just what the hell is going on in your subconscious?
It was Pringles
Player one sings the ingredients list of a food product to a randomly selected piece of Bach. Player two tries to figure out what the food product is.
God damn we’re a sad bunch ;D
Recipe time!
Follow these instructions to create the drink sensation that’s sweeping the nation – the Peanut Twenty-One-Hundred!
Ingredients: A 250ml to 500ml bottle of Coke (diet, zero, vanilla, whatever strikes your fancy really). A packet of peanut M&Ms.
Method: Drink (or otherwise dispose of) one fifth to one quarter of the Coke. Drop five to ten peanut M&Ms into the bottle. Enjoy the show (and clean up any mess). Once the Coke has turned an unearthly shade of brown, drink it (carefully). When finished, eat the chilled and marinated M&Ms from the bottom of the bottle.
This recipe bought to you by the Foundation for the Worst Possible Things You Can Ever Put into Your Body.
No, it’s not Will Ferrel!
Allright, that’s it. No one bother uploading anything to YouTube ever again, because no matter what it is, it will never be more awesome than this.
…I’ve seen it’s face,
Have a terrible sore throat. Am limiting communication to text and short, pithy muttering. Sound surprisingly like Rorschach.
Tune in tomorrow for 40 ways to spell ‘Jukambal’!
Cam-ell-eri, Camel-Duahi, Camelleri, Camilerei, Camlerey, Cammealroy, Comleroy, Cum-milroy, Cumilri, Cummeroy, Cummilroy, Gamilaaray, Gamilaroi, Gamilray, Gamilroi, Ghummilarai, Gumilori, Gumilray, Gumilroi, Guminilroi, Gummilray, Gummilroi, Gunnilaroi, Kaamee’larrai, Kaameelarrai, Kahmilaharoy, Kahmilari, Kahml Duhai, Kamilarai, Kamilari, Kamilaroi, Kamilary, Kamileroi, Kamilrai, Kamilroi, Kamu-laroi, Kamularoi, Kimilari, Komleroy, Koomilroi.
I hope this has been enlightening. Please come again.
Yes, it’s Harry Potter doggerel. I can only apologise. To everyone.
…I wrote it down in order to get it out of my brain.
When you’re walking home from work and an appalling piece of doggerel appears fully formed in your brain like an apparition of a rhinestone studded, cheeseburger scoffing Elvis, what can you do except write it down somewhere to get it out of your head? So here we go (brace yourself – this is a bad one).
Mouldy Voldy, afraid of death,
Terrified by his final breath,
Show him a boggart and he will behold,
His very own body, lying there cold,
Riddle, oh Riddle, oh Riddle named Tom,
His father a muggle, his mother long gone,
Hater of half-bloods because he’s ashamed,
That the blood of a muggle runs strong in his veins,
I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry.