From the school of Extreme Sarcasm…

Recipe for a hit R’n’B song

  1. Hit the pedal of a base drum once, and record it. Loop this at a rate of 30bpm.
  2. Select a hit song of the last forty years. Fast forward to a section with either horns or piano. Select a two or three note sequence at random and loop this incessantly over the base drum.
  3. Hire some guy who couldn’t make it in the hip-hop scene to mumble lyrics about sex and money over the top, punctuated (seemingly at random) by strange grunting noises.
  4. If it’s still missing something, hire a female backup singer to make high pitched warbling sounds and orgasmic moans at appropriate intervals.

Congratulations! You’ve just recorded your first top 20 R’n’B hit!

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