Worms

by Purple Wyrm on July 12, 2015

I was musing on the historical origins of the rod of Asclepius in the shower this morning (as you do) and suffered another one of those attacks where my brain produces something completely awful and then won’t let me rest until I inflict it upon a candid world. So it is with great sorrow, regret and apology that I present the following vicious and unjustified attack upon the musical legacy of the Beach Boys. I am so very sorry…

Worm, worm, guinea worm, I gotta worm!
Guinea worm, worm, worm, I gotta worm!
I gotta worm, worm, guinea worm, I gotta worm!
Gotta worm, worm, guinea worm, I gotta worm!
Messing with my brain! Worm, guinea worm, I gotta worm!
I’m in real bad pain! Worm, guinea worm, I gotta worm!
I’m sick of all the healers with their same old tricks,
I gotta find a new Doc with a twisty stick!
I gotta worm, worm, guinea worm, I gotta worm!
Guinea worm, worm, guinea worm, I gotta worm!
Messing with my brain! Worm, guinea worm, I gotta worm!
I’m in real bad pain! Worm, guinea worm, I gotta worm!

Sorry.

Pros and Cons

by Purple Wyrm on July 9, 2015

Was almost gassed on the way to work today. The bus was so full of exhaust fumes that everyone was throwing open the windows despite it being only 5 degrees outside. Frostbite is, after all, mildly preferable to carbon monoxide poisoning.

On the plus side I got to see the dolphins playing in the river along Mounts Bay Road, which was nice. Unless of course they were gas induced hallucinations…

Ancient

by Purple Wyrm on July 7, 2015

So, Dawn Fraser has outraged the nation by saying that Nick Kyrgios and Bernard Tomic should go back to where their parents came from.

It’s a pretty bloody objectionable thing to say – no doubt there – but it reminds me of something I thought back in 2007 when Sir Patrick Moore made some similarly unhinged comments about women. The thing you have to remember about Dawn (and Sir Patrick) is that she’s old. Practically ancient.

Dawn Fraser is 77. By the time a person gets to 77 the world has changed. The society they grew up in has gone, morphed into something wildly different several times over. So it’s only to expected that sooner or later they’ll do or say something badly out of step with the modern world.

So here’s my idea. Once someone – be they a public figure or a private citizen – reaches 75 we give them permission to say whatever crazy crap they want to, and in turn we completely ignore it. We don’t make a fuss, we don’t create a scandal. We just say “Good old Dawn” or “Good old Sir Patrick”, give them a pat on the back and move on. And if anyone feels offended we simply remind them that the person in question is old, set in their ways, and frankly not worth the bother.

Such a policy would benefit us all I think.

It does not matter which way you vote. Either way your planet is Doomed! DOOOOOMED!!

by Purple Wyrm on July 6, 2015

You know, it’s pretty much impossible for me to put into words how much I enjoy spam emails like this…

The massive downfall that will wipe out 49 out of 50 American states… If you didn’t watch this INCENDIARY broadcast yet, then it will take you by complete surprise. And unfortunately you won’t make it out alive, because what’s coming has the devil sign on it. And it was predicted in the BIBLE! Before the church managed to HIDE the tormenting prophecy. But 14 days ago this leaked video went viral, exposing how Obama and the unofficial church leaders fought long WARS to keep this information hidden. Until it was too late for anyone to do anything about it. This is the 18th link they put up in 14 days, and most definitely this site will be taken down again shortly. Watch this shocking video now This is an email advertisement that was sent to you by End Days Survival. If you wish to no longer receive messages, please click here to unsubscribe or write us at 44 main street, Douglas, South Lanarkshire, U.K.

Sure, they’re just trying to sell you food packs, or gold, or trying to get you to visit a site loaded down with viruses, but it’s so damn entertaining!

Too Soon!

by Purple Wyrm on July 2, 2015

Q: How do Reavers clean their battle harpoons?

A: Put them through the Wash

Questions from my Toilet Paper

by Purple Wyrm on June 19, 2015

1: What is the best way to identify a frog species?
Stop it at the border and demand its papers

2: Some frogs can change the colour of their skin, why would they do this?
To keep up with the latest fashions

3: What is the biggest threat to our frogs?
Frog eating aliens from Tau Capricorni

4: True of False? Frogs can leap higher than a house.
True, for a sufficiently small house and a sufficiently large frog.

TP, why you question me?

TP, why you question me?

On the Buses

by Purple Wyrm on June 18, 2015

Fascinating bus journey today courtesy of a fellow a few seats back loudly telling the story of how he stole a car in Adelaide, drove it to Sydney, had all his money stolen by ‘a tranny’ in Kings Cross, and ended up in jail in Tamworth.

Oh the people you meet on Transperth!

Sir Christopher Lee: Screen legend dies aged 93

by Purple Wyrm on June 11, 2015

Sir Christopher Lee: Screen legend dies aged 93

Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn! :(

Shopping

by Purple Wyrm on June 11, 2015

You know those dreams where there’s a really awesome shop, and then you wake up and forget the dream, but halfway through the day you remember the really awesome shop and for a moment you think it’s real and then you remember it was just a dream and there’s no really awesome shop?

I hate those dreams.

But I tell ya, if Games Workshop branches were as amazing as I dream they are, there’d be a lot less whinging in the tabletop community.

(I dream about Games Workshop. It’s hard to put into words just how sad that is).

Sean Bean probably won’t die

by Purple Wyrm on June 9, 2015

It’s always a gamble when one of your favourite books gets turned into a movie. Even more so when said movie stars Matt Damon. But the trailer for *The Martian* actually looks pretty good.

I can already spot a few things they’ve done differently, but I think I can see why, so that’s cool. And it’s at least one movie in which Sean Bean is unlikely to die (no guarantees though…).