Category: TV and Cinema

Do You Believe in Life After Frud?

Channel 10 News should really take a look at their closed captioning.

While I’ll happily support “Family Frud” taking over from the banal and pointless Family Feud any day, I’m not so sure about tomorrow’s predicted “60% chance of a Cher or two”.

I mean, one would be bad enough…

Enter the Myrka!

Feel like I’ve been in a kind of holding pattern of late. All sorts of things I should be doing, but just lacking the energy or motivation to do them. I start every weekend thinking of things I’m going to get done, and then realise it’s Sunday evening and I’ve achieved none of them. And this isn’t even stressing me out really, I just feel kind of vaguely disappointed…

Anyway, I’ve been meaning to make a blog entry for several weeks. So here I am. It won’t be particularly long, or interesting, but I figure it’ll shift a little of the inertia, which has to be a good thing.

Dr Who. The new series has launched, and I’m quite impressed. In particular by Michelle Gomez as the Master (I find calling her ‘Missy’ annoying. Deal with it). I didn’t really like her in the last season, she didn’t seem to have much depth, but in the latest two episodes – when we got to see her doing more than just running around and being eccentric – she’s fantastic! There were scenes when she was practically channeling Roger Delgado, but without doing anything as crass as an impersonation. That bit where she almost talked the Doctor into killing Clara – without even batting an eyelid – downright chilling! Well done!

And the story was pretty damn good too. Going back to the origins of Davros – that’s a massive risk but I think it paid off. They even managed to make the guy seem sympathetic (for a while at least!).

Not that it was perfect. Colony Sarf, what was he (they?) about? What’s the connection between Daleks and snakes? And the sonic sunglasses? I hope they lose those pretty soon. And the roll call of locations from the last couple of seasons – the universe is vast, why do we keep coming back to the same damn space bar with the same damn species hanging round in it? I did think the Hand Mines were pretty dumb, but then I realised they might be the distant ancestors of those sensors that showed up in Asylum of the Daleks, so they get a pass.

In any case, I’m quite looking forwards to tonight’s episode. Seems to be set in a seabase. I wonder if the Myrka will put in appearance?

That’s it! You can go!

Sean Bean probably won’t die

It’s always a gamble when one of your favourite books gets turned into a movie. Even more so when said movie stars Matt Damon. But the trailer for *The Martian* actually looks pretty good.

I can already spot a few things they’ve done differently, but I think I can see why, so that’s cool. And it’s at least one movie in which Sean Bean is unlikely to die (no guarantees though…).

Eurovision 2015. Why are we here again?

So, it’s 2:55 in the morning, and rather than being tucked up nice and warm in bed I’m sitting here huddled under my doona watching SBS. Why you ask? Because it’s Eurovision! And not only is Australia in the contest for the first (and let’s face it, probably last) time ever, we can vote for the first time ever! There’s no way I’d miss this!

I haven’t researched any of the acts and I missed the semi-finals, so I’m going in completely cold. The only song I’ve heard is Guy Sebastian’s one (you can’t get away from it) and while there’s nothing wrong with it, it’s certainly not any kind of stand-out. So, let’s see (or hear) what’s to be seen (or heard).

My standard rating system will apply. A score of 1 to 5 (or 0 to 5 for particularly heinous atrocities) with an extra point for anyone who doesn’t sell out their cultural heritage by singing in English. Here we go!

Good lord there are some weird ads on at 3:00am!

Ah Beethoven! That’s some class at least.

Good morning Julia! And that other guy.

Building bridges eh?

Oo! A mysterious object! I could be mean and insensitive here, but I won’t be.

Ah, a tribute to Udo Jürgens. That’s nice.

A drag queen rising out of the floor. Could you get any more Eurovision?

Miming hosts. Classy.

I was wrong. A flying drag queen is much more Eurovision than one simply rising out of the floor.

Ah. Singing children. I know they’re the Vienna Boy’s Choir, but anyone playing Eurovision bingo has just got a free square.

And a rapper. This just gets better and better!

It’s the Olympics!

Hehe! Big cheer for Australia 🙂

Is that Celine Dion for Greece?

You know, it’s naff as hell, but occasionally Eurovision does provide a little bit of that everyone getting together and celebrating their countries in peace and brotherhood feel that it was actually founded for.

Hello!

Seems to be some heckling. Or possibly some geese have snuck into the hall?

1 Slovenia: Maraaya – Here For You
It’s headphones ago-ago from Slovenia! Oh wow, she’s nasal isn’t she? And someone in the background is attempting to channel Peter Garret. Seems like an OK song, but nothing to really write home about. Ah, the dancer is now doing nothing but air violin. Flashy lights! No wonder the dancer was having a seizure. A decent effort. 3/5

2 France: Lisa Angell – N’oubliez Pas
Ah France! You can always rely on France to sing in le français rather than selling out and going with English. A ruined post-war scene. That’s cheerful. Looks like we’re getting the standard political stuff early. Oo! Doves! Shoot them for food children! Hmmm, this ain’t bad really. International Rescue on drums! That’s a neat way to get around the restriction on performer numbers. Three out of five, plus one for singing in French. 4/5

3 Israel: Nadav Guedj – Golden Boy
It’s N*Sync! Extra points for some Middle Eastern grooves. Minus points for “Before I leave let me show you Tel Aviv”, and gratuitous crotch thrusting. Key change! OK, I guess. 2.5/5

 4 Estonia: Elina Born & Stig Rästa – Goodbye To Yesterday
I will happily support any act that contains someone named “Stig”. An instrument?! Played by a singer?! In Eurovision?! Oo, off key! Fake shadows! Inoffensive. 2.5/5

5 United Kingdom: Electro Velvet – Still In Love With You
The UK has a terrible habit of trying way too hard to win Eurovision, and then tripping over their own feet. I don’t think I’ll ever recover from the horror that was Scooch. Let’s see if they can do any better this time around… Hmmm, going retro I see. Light up suits! And break dancing! And scat! I don’t think her voice is really carrying it. Actually not a bad effort given past attempts. 2.5 plus 1 for singing in English. 3.5/5

6 Armenia: Genealogy – Face The Shadow
Genealogy eh? If there’s not a genetic inheritance diagram somewhere in this performance, I shall be deeply disappointed. Operatic! With people wandering around moodily. Apparently one of them is Australian. Ah, there we go, kicking in a bit. Hmmm, a bit too complex really. Would probably be decent if there were less singers. Continents do not count as inheritance diagrams! 2.5/5

 7 Lithuania: Monika Linkytė and Vaidas Baumila – This Time
Now this seems to have some potential. And some banjo. Oo! Controversial kissing! You know, if the music was mixed better I think this could be a pretty good song. Best so far! 4/5

8 Serbia: Bojana Stamenov – Beauty Never Lies
“Beauty Never Lies”. Channeling Keats are we? To quote the great Terry Wogan, she’s a well set up lump of a girl. Spooky masks! And posing! This isn’t half bad. Costume change! Mark off your bingo cards! Hipster! They’ve got a hipster!  Not bad! 3.5/5

9 Norway: Mørland & Debrah Scarlett – A Monster Like Me
Monster eh? Maybe it’s a Lordi rip off! Hmmm, maybe not. Maybe Lorde though. Very moody. Ah, there’s the drums! Certainly the best duet so far. 4/5

 10 Sweden: Måns Zelmerlöw – Heroes
It would be nice if this was the Bowie song, but Eurovision rules prevent it. Stick people! Clever effects! Here comes the drop… hmmm, a bit repetitive. Could use a bit more base. Ah! Big scary face! Pretty good 4/5

11 Cyprus: John Karayiannis – One Thing I Should Have Done
It’s Elvis Costello! For a ballad this is surprisingly good. I wonder if it’ll kick in? Apparently not – brave decision! Reminds me of that song by that band from years ago. What was it? More than Words, that’s it! Simple, but really good! 4.5/5

 12 Australia: Guy Sebastian – Tonight Again
Well here we go! Hooray, hooray, Aussie Aussie Aussie and so forth. Let’s hope Guy doesn’t embarrass us. You know, say what you like about Guy Sebastian, but he has a hell of a voice. Another hipster! And street lamps, for some reason. This is actually a pretty good track, it has a good beat, and the build up to the chorus is particularly clever. Maybe we have a chance? 4.5/5

13 Belgium: Loïc Nottet – Rhythm Inside
Plucky little Belgium. Performers all in white, tick off another bingo square! Not bad so far. What is with that dancing? Sparse, but catchy. I like it! 4/5

14 Austria: The Makemakes – I Am Yours
I presume this group have named themselves after the dwarf planet, rather than the chief god of the bird man cult of Rapa Nui. Although in Eurovision land, who knows? Actual instruments! This is pretty good. Ah! FIRE!! FIRE!! Your piano is on fire!! What are you doing!? Don’t keep playing man! RUN!! 4.5/5

All these good tracks! I may have to recalibrate my rating system…

15 Greece: Maria Elena Kyriakou – One Last Breath
Greece has a history of rather bland entries that nonetheless do rather well. Lets’ see. Is that a Stargate? Is that Celine Dion? Ah, the reliable old piano ballad. Evanescence light. I said it’d be bland didn’t I? The Stargate opens and there’s a key change! Ended better than it started, but still pretty meh. 3/5

16 Montenegro: Knez – Adio
Finally! A non-English song that isn’t from France! Extra points for the Montenegrans! Stars and violins. Nice beat. Frozen dancers. Now this is what Eurovision should be about! Ethnic influenced music and completely incomprehensible lyrics! Moody and dark. I like it! Folk dancing! 4.5/5

17 Germany: Ann Sophie – Black Smoke
Germany is usually good value. Searchlights? This is well sung, but kind of bland. 3/5

18 Poland: Monika Kuszyńska – In The Name Of Love
Sadly not a U2 cover. A white piano! Keep ticking off those boxes bingo fans! I wonder if it’ll catch on fire? A bit bland. Is that archive footage from before her accident? I can’t decide if that’s inspiring, morbid or simply exploitative. Nothing special here I’m afraid. 3/5

19 Latvia: Aminata – Love Injected
Do they have potato? A giant red, structural dress. OK. Woah, that’s one hell of a voice! Now, this is also what Eurovision is about – incomprehensible weirdness and hand dancing. 4/5

20 Romania: Voltaj – De La Capat/All Over Again
Nice try Romania, but if you want bonus points from me, you need to sing the whole damn thing in your native tongue! Although you do score a few points for having Ming the Merciless as your lead singer. This isn’t bad. Reminds me of U2 a bit. Nice. 4.5/5

21 Spain: Edurne – Amanecer
Fully non-English. Huzzah! You know, there’s not enough wizard robes in Eurovision this year. I notice hers is red, marking her as neutral, although she needs more fake tan to cosplay as Raistlin. Oo! Costume change! You know, I quite enjoyed that! 4.5/5

22 Hungary: Boggie – Wars For Nothing
It’s a tradition in Eurovision for someone to sing a song about how horrible war is, and how we should all just get along. It will probably be in poorly phrased English too. Oo! A gun tree! Hmmm, pretty much what you’d expect. Good message, dull song. 2.5/5

23 Georgia: Nina Sublatti – Warrior
Well, at least someone is channeling Lordi. Lightning and shoulder pads! So much smoke you can hardly see her! Hilarious! I never thought I’d say this, but she could do with some backup dancers or something. Just standing there in the middle of the stage is kind of boring. Giant eyes! Interesting attempt, but not ultimately successful. 3.5/5

24 Azerbaijan: Elnur Huseynov – Hour Of The Wolf
By this point in the contest we’re all looking at the clock, and hoping that something will happen to cancel the remaining acts so we can get the voting over and done with. Having them eaten by wolves would be something of a mercy. Ah, now this is more like Eurovision! Guy sings ballad while couple in weird costumes cavort about the stage. Nothing special, but nothing terrible. 3/5

25 Russia: Polina Gagarina – A Million Voices
After last year’s boo-ing it’s probably only to be expected that Russia would try for something positive and uniting. Of course it’s just as likely that the million voices are those of pro-Putin trolls on the FSB payroll. Here in the background we see the black hole of Russia, sucking in human rights and democracy! Good song though! 4/5

26 Albania: Elhaida Dani – I’m Alive
This late in the show it’s amazing that anyone’s alive. Hmmm, this is OK, but nothing stunning. 3/5

27 Italy: Il Volo – Grande Amore
And finally, plucky little Italy brings it home with the fourth of the night’s non-English songs (I’m still counting you out Romania!). Winners of the San Remo song contest. Ah, they seem to be one of those pop-opera groups I find so annoying. Horses! Why have actual smoke on stage when you can put in on the screen? Competent, but nothing really special. 3.5/5

So that’s that then! Now, who am I going to vote for…

OK, after much thought I’ve decided that I enjoyed Romania the most, even though they didn’t stick to Romanian. I could cheat and vote multiple times, but I won’t. Eurovision voting is a sacred trust!

So, that’s the songs done with! Now we get the traditionally naff performance that takes up the voting period. What will it be this year? Dancers? Views of the Alps? Singing frogs? (I’m looking at you Greece!). Ah, it’s drums! They’re pretty good.

Bridges! They’re bridges! Amazing!

That guy with the sledgehammer looks like a happy chappy.

Is that the theme from Dallas?

And Conchita returns while they tally the votes.

OK, let’s do this! It would be nice if Australia won – the novelty factor combined with our political neutrality and a pretty decent song give us a chance – but I’m not holding my breath. Russia could well romp it in.

Arrgh! I don’t know how much longer I can stay awake!

Well, Italy’s doing well.

Suzy! Get your act together!

Looks like a three horse race between Italy, Russian and Sweden.

Get on with it Azerbaijan!

We seem to be getting votes from most countries. Good!

Estonia! You’re letting the side down!

Eight points! Thank you Denmark! I wonder how many of those came from the royal palace?

And another eight from Switzerland! Was that you Matt? ;D

Woohoo! Twelve from Sweden! Thank you! 😀

Ah, it’s Lee Lin Chin.

Twelve from Austria! I wonder if some Austrians got confused? 🙂

Thanks Hungary! Eight points!

Thanks Nigella! Ten points from the UK!

Get it together Georgia!

Eight points from the Netherlands! Thanks!

And another Eight from Poland! Thank you!

Looks like it’s going to be between Sweden and Russia.

San Marino gets a vote? Cool! And they gave the UK some much needed points. And another eight for us, thanks!

Sweden probably has it, but Russia is still in it with a chance!

Thanks Iceland! Eight points.

Well there we are! Sweden! What did they sing again? Oh, the stick figures and the big scary face! Well done!

Ten points from Norway! Thank you!

Portugal again.

Estonia again.

Georgia again.

And there we go! Sweden wins, Australia comes fifth. I’m happy with that! And now I’m going back to bed! Goodnight all! 🙂

Deus in Machina

Shocking isn’t it? I say I’ll start updating again, and then complete silence for weeks. I’ll claim the psychological shock of returning to work combined with the first day of said work coinciding with the hottest day in 18 years – 44.4º C to be exact (about 112 in the old money), which is the kind of temperature that requires the better part of a week to get over no matter how mild the subsequent days may be by comparison.

In any case, I survived both the resumption of the daily grind and mother nature’s seeming determination to kill me and it’s probably time I made some kind of update. So here I am.

Books. I have now finished some of the books I got at Christmas, in addition to The Martian which I devoured in under 12 hours. The latest Peter Grant novel for instance, Foxglove Summer. It’s quite a different beast to the previous installments as it sees PC Grant leave the familiar environs of London for the open countryside. Not to fear however, things out there are just as strange as in the big smoke – maybe stranger. Unless I’m mistaken it’s the longest novel in the series so far, but it doesn’t seem long – it flows along as enjoyably as any of the other books.

If I had one complaint it would be that it ends rather abruptly with something of a deus ex machina (or perhaps more accurately deus in machina). I have to wonder if Ben simply couldn’t stop writing and his editors had to cut him off. In any case it’s well worth a read and a worthy addition to the series.

The second book is Graham McNeill’s Gods of Mars, the conclusion of his Adeptus Mechanicus trilogy. While quite good, I feel that it’s not quite up to the standard of the previous two entries (Priests of Mars and Lords of Mars). Graham had a lot of balls in the air at the end of Lords, and it seems as if he wasn’t quite sure to do with them all in the concluding volume. As a result the various plot lines kind of smash together in an uneven fashion to bring them all back under control. That said, the characterizations are still great, the dialogue enjoyable, and a variety of Xenos we hardly ever get to see pop their heads up for a brief moment in the sun, which is always fun.

One thing I must take Graham to task for however is the sneaky references he keeps slipping in. Honestly, it’s like he has some kind of strange disease. I can accept for instance that the Imperium might well rescue and refit some burnt-out battlecruisers found drifting near the shoulder of Orion. And it is in fact logical that a cadre of weaponised hunting hounds (which are lean and athirst) might be named Tindalosi. But an ancient Adeptus Mechanicus scrying device named a Mars Volta? Seriously Graham, seek help before it’s too late! ;D

In addition to reading books, I went to see The Imitation Game with Rebecca and Dom. It was really, really good. Historically inaccurate on a number of points, but a really excellent movie. I was particularly impressed with the way they included explanations of cryptological concepts like cribs and cillies into the plot without having to load the viewers down with exposition. Although not 100% accurate it’s a fitting tribute to one of the most brilliant minds of the 20th century, and if you’re at all interested in Turing and Enigma then you should go and see it immediately.

OK, that wall of text should make up some for my lengthy absence. Now go and make your own damn entertainment! ;D

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