Disordered Thoughts and Curmudgeonly Ramblings
Oh, this is something special!
That could possibly be an Australian, if they had a smoking induced stroke.
You have to wonder, if Plain Packaging is such a failure then why is the tobacco industry spending millions of dollars funding lobby groups like the “Property Rights Alliance” to stop it?
You know, when you say that your Subiaco store opens at 9:00am it would be nice for those of your customers who work for a living if it actually did open at 9:00am and not at 9:11am, by which point said customers have had to leave and catch a bus.
It would so be nice if your goddam website worked properly so your customers could do something as simple as updating their credit card details without having to go into one of your poxy storefronts in the first place.
Thank you.
I’ve been so busy and so stressed of late that I haven’t felt up to blogging about anything. But I’m going to make a bit of an effort, even if the results are entirely random.
So, at the start of April I went down south for Ryan and Jackie’s wedding. This was a lot of fun, but rather than talk about the ceremony, or the reception, or how nice it is down there, or how nice Justin and Marika were for giving a lift down there and back I’m going to talk about television.
On the Saturday morning I had some time to kill. I was staying in Margaret River and after a walk into the town center for breakfast and a look around I found myself back at my hotel, so turned on the TV to see what passes for rural entertainment these days. I was quite shocked to find myself watching the tail end of Daleks – Invasion Earth 2150AD, the second of the Peter Cushing Dalek movies from the 60s.
You see, back in the 60’s, just after Doctor Who began, there was an absolute craze for the Daleks. They were huge. So the powers that be decided to cash in by taking the first two Dalek stories from the series and turn them into big budget movies staring respected actor Peter Cushing (who lived in Whitstable) as the Doctor.
For a number of reasons (including the fact that the Doctor is portrayed as a human inventor actually surnamed “Who”) they don’t form part of the official Whovian cannon. I’ve always heard that they’re awful, but actually what I saw wasn’t too bad – especially judged by the standards of mid 60’s British film making. And the sets, costuming and effects were a lot better than anything the series could manage at that stage.
I was also surprised to see that the young Bernard Cribbins (who of course went on to appear in the revived TV series as Wilfred Mott) bears an occasionally startling resemblance to Alan Brough.
Excuse me for a second…
Peter Cushing went to Dunstable,
Had a run in with a Constable,
All involved were most uncomfortable,
Peter Cushing went to Dunstable,
Sorry about that.
After the Dalek’s horrible plans were defeated and some ads for tractors and the local agricultural show, a program came on called Doomsday Castle. It was – frankly – astonishing.
It was an observational series about a family whom it is tempting to describe as hillbillies constructing a ‘castle’ on top of a mountain in North Carolina to protect themselves from “marauders” when the “end times” come. The episode in question involved various family members constructing metal shutters for the ground floor windows and clearing land to construct a survival garden. The highlight of the show was when they decided to use explosives to remove a tree stump.
The entire thing left me gobsmacked.
If you’re concerned about protecting your family from “marauders” why the hell would you build a big, conspicuous castle on top of a mountain where it’ll be visible for miles around? And then why would you put it on TV? And most important of all, why in the name of all that’s sane and holy would you build a defensive structure with GODDAMN GROUND FLOOR WINDOWS?!?! Where did these rednecks study castle architecture?!? Disneyland??
And their explosives discipline was insane. The son tasked with clearing the land – right next, by the way, to the castle where the rest of the family were working – decided to use some sticks of dynamite to remove the stump. He didn’t see fit to inform anyone else about this, and wired up three sticks because “he didn’t know what three sticks would do”. IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT AN EXPLOSIVE WILL DO, DON’T MESS WITH IT!! He then set it off without any kind of warning – or at least tried to set it off because he screwed up the wiring, creating a highly dangerous UXO situation, which he solved by creeping up slowly to the stump behind a detached car hood and fiddling with it. It did blow up successfully on the second try, but again he gave no warning to anyone else.
Now I know these shows are for entertainment and they probably only pretended that he set the explosives off without warning, but it’s a terrible example to set for the viewing audience – particularly given that the kind of person who’d tune Doomsday Castle on a regular basis is probably not the sharpest tool in the bunker.
OK, that’s your lot. Tune in next time for some Frente or something.
From the Sydney Morning Herald…
A self-styled pick-up artist who thinks rape should be legalised wants like-minded Sydney men to meet up and bond later this month.
A “neomasculinist” online group whose supporters believe rape should be legalised on private property and that women are biologically determined to follow the orders of men will meet for the first time in real life in Sydney on Saturday.
The meeting, at 8pm in Hyde Park in Sydney and at 43 other locations around the world, is organised by US-based “neomasculinist” and legal rape advocate, Daryush “Roosh” Valizadeh.
He has said women, transgender men and homosexual men were not invited.
I fully support this meeting! Getting all the vermin together in one spot will make it so much easier to exterminate them.
(Disclaimer: As we inhabit a fallen age where the ability to understand or even recognise instances of satire and hyperbole is a lost art I would like to clearly state that I in no way advocate or encourage the killing, injury or assault of Daryush Valizadeh or any of his disgusting little reptilian followers. No matter how satisfying such action would be.)
From that bastion of accurate and up to the minute reporting, news.com.au…
A MYSTERIOUS crack in the earth the size of five football fields has opened up in Wyoming’s Bighorn Mountains.
No one can explain the gigantic tear in the rock, which measures an extraordinary 685 metres long by 48 metres wide.
“The gash”, as locals are calling it, was discovered by hunting organisation SNS Outfitter & Guides, which posted a photo on Facebook in late October. An engineer from the town of Riverton went out to investigate, reporting that there appeared to have been an incredible 14 to 18 million metres of movement.
Incredible indeed!
Apparently someone with an axe to grind has been distributing poorly photocopied duplicates of Pauline Hanson’s “No More” Facebook image to mailboxes in the northern suburbs (I won’t link to it, I’m not giving her the page views).
While at first glance one might agree with an image of Pauline and the giant words “NO MORE”, it goes on to clarify that what she wants is no more Mosques, Sharia Law, Halal Certification and Muslim refugees, and then reminds the reader that she’s standing for election to the Senate for Queensland in 2016.
Putting aside the fact that you can’t, logically, have less Sharia law when your country has no Sharia law to begin with, it seems to have escaped the notice of whoever’s distributing these things that people in Darch – and indeed people in the roughly 76% of the country that isn’t Queensland – are completely unable to vote for Queensland’s Senators. But then, anyone who’d consider voting for Pauline is not the sharpest tool in the shed to being with, so maybe we can give them a pass.
Bonus Content! Let’s all take a moment to remember Pauline’s fellow traveler on the loony right Jackie Lambie’s wonderfully incisive definition of Sharia Law…
“Well, I think, um, when it comes to, um, Sharia, Sharia law, um, you know, to me, it’s um, it’s, uhh, it, it, obviously involves terrorism”
Brilliant! Just brilliant!
Sigh
“They must have been on drugs!” says nothing about the process of creation. It merely outs the observer as someone so pathetically uncreative that they can’t comprehend original thought.
It’s the rallying cry of the irredeemably dull.
Hi On Wednesday colleagues received public investigation order dispatched by Internal Revenue Rervice. Authorities are incriminating You tax evasion that is allegedly a serious crime and most probably would lead to grave consequences. Attached kindly see scanned copy of the official notice letter. Kindly review the enclosure carefully so that we could prepare objections later. According to our administratition advise the session with tax service authorities is to be approved today. Our consultants strictly advise You to prepare for upcoming hearing since severe accusations are brought to You. Upon getting Your instructions specialists will commence drafting needed form-sheets. Stacey Bernard Senior Accountant
I am astounded that someone could rise to the level of Senior Accountant with such terrible grammar skills. Let this be a warning children, numbers rot your brain!
“You’ve got your medical waste in my industrial effluent!”
“You’ve got your industrial effluent in my medical waste!”
“Together they taste like Krispy Kreme!”
Against my better judgement I ate a doughnut from the much lauded Krispy Kreme today.
The dough tasted like medical waste, and the jam was like something extracted from a drum snuck out of chemical plant at three in the morning.
But here’s the weird thing. When eaten together the two horrible flavours cancelled each other out to the point where the alleged confectionery tasted not stomach-churning, but merely bland. Like sweetened, semi-congealed polyurethane wood glue. It was in fact quite edible – in the sense that you could chew it up and swallow it without any violent reactions from either taste-buds or gut.
I’d investigate this phenomena further, except that I have no desire to subject myself to anything from Krispy Kreme ever again.
