Category: Musical Snobbery

Dizzy

I’ve been MIA for the last couple of days while caught up in the throes of white hot creative obsession on a project that (based on my history with these kind of things) will likely never see the light of day. But such is the lot of the autist, and at least it’s keeping me entertained and out of trouble.

Anyway, after a solid twelve hours of sitting in a chair and pounding out code I got up to go to bed and was hit with a sudden bout of dizziness which almost toppled me to the ground. As I regained my balance (a quick and easy feat due to decades of living with a dodgy ankle that has a tendency to suddenly go on strike without notice) I thought to myself “I’m so dizzy!” and a memory that has been lost in the depths of my mind for a good twenty years abruptly raced to the surface.

Said memory was of a song. A song called Dizzy from my high school days in the early 90s. I immediately recalled the tune and 90% of the lyrics, although for the life of me I couldn’t remember who recorded it. I also remembered that I was kind of obsessed with it, and – that based on the version dragged from my memory banks – being obsessed with it was rather embarrassing because it really wasn’t that good.

So off I went to bed humming the tune, and trying to remember the second half of the second verse – something about “you’ve got control of me” and needing to find a doctor?

So first thing this morning I hopped online to look it up, and discovered three things…

  1. It was by Vic Reeves and the Wonder Stuff – of course it was!
  2. It’s actually a much better song that I remembered, so there’s no need to be embarrassed about liking it
  3. Wait! Vic Reeves?

Yes! The guy who regularly turns up on Eight Out of Ten Cats does Countdown and famously formed a comedy due with the other guy who regularly turns up on Eight Out of Ten Cats does Countdown and who with said guy and the lovely Emilia Fox starred in the remake of Randal and Hopkirk Deceased! That Vic Reeves!

So, my mind is rather blown. One could almost say that my head is spinning…

Anyway, here is the song.

The Sound of Summer

As a kid in Australia in the 1980s there was no getting away from the first 54 seconds of Brian Bennett’s New Horizons, which was used as the theme to channel 9’s cricket coverage. Over the long, hot Christmas school holidays you’d switch on the TV to try and find something to relieve your boredom (which was still preferable to being in school, naturally…) and find nothing but hours and hours of cricket – possibly the most boring sport ever devised. It was probably being commentated by Richie Benaud too.

So it’s downright bizarre to discover that past the 54 seconds mark New Horizons turns into the theme from a second-rank 1970s spy thriller!

Dio Alert!

His Flashing Eyes! His Floating Hair!

Confirmed magical powers of the individual known as Ronnie James Dio:

  • Apotropaic hand gestures
  • Transforming foes into rats
  • Shape shifting into a frog

Please inform your local authorities of any further observed instances of magic use by the individual known as Ronnie James Dio. Remember – an alert community is a safe community!

Crimes

It is my deep and strongly held conviction that to play the version of Pulp’s Common People that omits the second verse IS A CRIME.

Similarly, it is my deep and strongly held conviction that to play the version of Pulp’s Disco 2000 that omits the monologue IS A CRIME.

Furthermore, it is my deep and strongly held conviction that to play any version of Pulp’s Disco 2000 and not to sing along with the “OOOOOO OO-OO OO-OO-OO-OO” bits at the end IS A CRIME.

That is all.

An Intimate Relationship with Fossil Fuels

It has come to my attention that there doesn’t seem to be a decent version of the lyrics to the Chasers’ appallingly obscene yet incredibly funny take on our appalling former Prime Minister’s intimate relationship with fossil fuels. I cannot let this stand, so here is my best shot at a transcription.

COAL MAKES ME CUM by DJ SCOMO (THE CHASER)

Fuck you, and your family, and the essential services you rely on,
Right now – as a criminal – the thing I love is corruption,
Fuck you other cunts facing floods and the bushfires,
When disaster strikes I’m ready to go on vacation in Hawaii,

Coal makes me hard, coal makes me cum,
My dick is always hard for coal,
And it’s only getting harder,
Coal makes me hard, coal makes me cum,
But the thing I love about coal,
Is it doesn’t run away in disasters,

All those build up, and when those floods build up, well, we know what happens,
It makes me hard when I think about coal,
New South Wales used to party hard and we endеd all of that,
So we could have more coal, the dеstroying of fun, I want you cunts to know,

I’m a criminal with a capital ‘C’,
I love coal!
I’m a criminal, Mister, Mister, Mister,
I want to destroy the world,

Coal makes me hard, coal makes me cum,
My dick is always hard for coal,
And it’s only just begun,

Bullying, bullying, bullying, and I want you cunts to die,
China, China, China, being racist gets me hard,
It’s Australia’s fault that I’m such a cunt,
This election is a choice,
For the destroying of lives, people would die,
Attention to genocide,

PM I think we’re going to have to move on…

Sure….