A Message from the BiUnity(TM) Quantum Crystal System

A unique new way we’ve figured out to to prize money from the hand of the gullible

The BiUnity(TM) Quantum Crystal System is a unique new way we’ve figured out to to prize money from the hand of the gullible using the exciting field of Harmony Block Transfer Computation Renewal – a type of science we’ve just made up!

This unique system was developed by Dr Hiram Q. Chuzzlewit (holder of a Doctorate in Applied Scientism from the Yorba Linda School of Correspondence) based on information ‘bought back’ after he hit his head on a doorway and felt woozy for a few minutes – and wastes more CPU clock cycles than any comparable product!

BiUnity(TM) is the first system of its kind to use a computer to do absolutely nothing while convincing you it’s doing something by bombarding you with a load of meaningless gibberish peppered with new-age keywords such “energy”, “vibration”, “fractal” and “harmony”. It also displays pretty patterns that can be used to hypnotise your pets and less intelligent relatives!

(If there are any less intelligent than you!)

BiUnity(TM) leads the way in selling you overpriced pieces of rock crystal with wires attached in the hope that you’ll think these can somehow “transmit information” to your body in direct contravention of well established physical and biological principles!

Federal law prevents us from presenting any testimonials about BiUnity(TM) (as we’d then have to submit it for assessment by the FDA and our whole little money making scheme would collapse around our ears when they announce it’s just some lumps of rock crudely wired up to USB plugs and a cheap graphics demo program) but here’s a completely unrelated story we’d like you to read…

“I used to get terrible headaches from the CIA using lasers to shoot messages into my brain. Now whenever I feel a headache start I simply beat myself in the head with my BiUnity(TM) crystal probes until I pass out and then I feel much better! Thank you BiUnity(TM)!” — Arthur P’Tang P’Tang Owlett, Toledo, Ohio

So if you’ve got more money than sense and honestly believe paying $5,000 for some lumps of rock and cheap software will make your life better, we want to hear from you! Google BiUnity(TM) Quantum Crystal System today!

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