In my close to half century of listening to music there are two sequences of notes that – from the very first time I heard them – affected me so deeply that I can only presume they speak directly to whatever twisted and shriveled thing within me that passes for a soul.
The first may be found in a number of tracks by the British music/art/prankster duo of Jimmy Cauty and Bill Drummond, known by a variety of names such as the JAMs, the KLF, K2 Plant Hire and the Timelords. A pattern of seven notes, played twice, repeated in several keys baroque style, I first heard it in Last Train to Trancentral (Live from the Lost Continent) from the album The White Roomat 2:13.
It had appeared earlier however on the Chill Out album in the ancestral version of Last Train, Wichita Lineman Was a Song I Once Heard. It features twice, at 2:04 and 4:29.
Finally it can also be heard at 2:23 in Go to Sleep – the intermediate version of Last Train from the unreleased original version of The White Room.
The other sequence is the guitar riff from Sigue Sigue Sputnik’s Love Missile F1-11. There seem to be dozens of mixes of the track (I’m personally aware of at least five) so I’ve picked one where the riff is particularly apparent, occurring in its full form at 2:51.
I cannot say what it is about either sequence that speaks to me so deeply, but should heaven exist and should I end up there I would not be at all surprised to hear either of them while passing through the pearly gates.
I discovered this weekend that the ABC – in their ongoing attempt to fill up their plethora of channels with anything they can haul out of the archives – have finally run out of episodes of Love Your Garden and George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces and resorted to rebroadcasting 90’s classic (for a certain definition of “classic”) Heartbreak High.
(I am slightly miffed at the absence of Love Your Garden as I have developed quite the crush on Katie Rushworth. There’s nothing quite like a woman who’s willing to get her hands dirty while pronouncing /a/ as /ʊ/…)
As a teen in the 90s I was presumably the target demographic for Heartbreak High, but I considered myself far too cultured to waste time watching it (I was actually nowhere near as cultured as I thought, I was just a contrarian douchebag). So prior to yesterday I’d never seen as much as a single episode. I did catch an episode yesterday however and good lord! It was easily the most awkwardly 90s thing that I have ever seen!
The episode started with a girl rapping in the schoolyard with all the other students gathered around clapping in time. I can categorically state that this is not something that ever actually happened in any Australian high school in the 90s ever (if you remember differently then you are hallucinating). Her rap was about how school sucks, and the teachers don’t like this, and so after a discussion in the staff room about how awful rap music is (naturally including a claim that it’s ‘not even music’) they ban rapping. This upsets the students to the point that they stage a sit-in to protest their right to rap. After some back and forward the teachers back down and the right to rap is restored. The episode ends with an impromptu rock concert, with serious “It’s a party Marge, it doesn’t have to make sense!” vibes, and – of course – rapping.
There was a B-plot involving a guy harassing a girl (the rapping girl? I can’t remember, the characters are all so interchangeable…) to go out with him, and then roping his mates in to harass her as well. These days that would be presented as a bad thing, but this is the 90s when people were stupid. In the end he wins her over by completely changing his personal style, which is just as terrible a lesson in the opposite direction. And the style he chooses – oh good lord!
Urge to punch growing…
I did try and take a screenshot of it from the ABC’s iView service, but they’ve cunningly set the screen to blank itself when any kind of capture is attempted, so I’ll need to use the old ‘photograph the monitor’ trick so beloved of the technologically inept. In the meantime simply imagine all the worst excesses of 90s male fashion distilled into one human being. Curly hair with a lock strategically dangling across the forehead, tinted hippy sunglasses, an embroidered waistcoat, black baggy pants, multiple necklaces, the whole shebang. He looks like a goddamn clown! If anyone had turned up to my 90s high school wearing that, he would have been beaten to a pulp! I can say that with authority because – despite my status as a pathetic nerd – even I would have been lining up to deal out some justly deserved punishment.
Naturally the girl instantly falls for him – presumably because if a guy is desperate enough to dress up like a court jester to get your attention then he’ll do anything you ask.
So that’s Heartbreak High. Overall I don’t think contrarian, douchebag, teenage me missed very much by skipping it.
It’s state Election day here in Western Australia. We use preferential voting (technically Single Transferable Voting), and as such I shall be voting thusly…
Parties with good ideas, which includes the Greens.
Labor, which means my preferences will probably stop here.
Well meaning but fundamentally harmless idiots.
The Liberals (who are actually the conservatives). If my preferences didn’t stop at Labor they will undoubtedly stop here.
The Nationals, who are the hillbilly version of the Liberals.
Parties and Independents who I can find absolutely nothing about.
General Lunatics, including the “Stop Pedophiles! Protect Kiddies!” party. I am of course in favour of stopping pedophiles and protecting children, but when you name your party that and provide no public information on your policies I will consider you insane until presented with evidence to the contrary.
Dangerous Lunatics, like that Christian party who claim their leader can raise the dead, or the guy who changed his name to “Aussie Trump”.
Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Party. In the bin where they belong.
Sadly the Senior Citizens Centre just down the street isn’t a poling place this time around, so I’ll need to head over to Hillcrest – but that’s OK because there’s a better chance of getting a democracy sausage there.
The last humans to leave Low Earth Orbit were the crew of Apollo 17 in December 1972. Rock band Van Halen was founded in 1973. This means that NASA just missed the opportunity to play Van Halen in the Van Allen Belt.
Original by Booyabazooka at English Wikipedia, idiot mutilations by me
Peter Dutton and His Majesty’s most loyal Opposition. Yes, it’s an old joke, but it works damnit!
It’s election season here in Australia with voters shortly to choose between the currently incumbent Labor Party under Anthony Albanese and the Liberal-National Coalition under Peter Dutton (there are plenty of other parties but the odds of any of them winning enough seats to form government are so tiny as to be laughable). Good old Pete has been campaigning for quite some time on dealing with climate change by building nuclear power stations, which is something so out of left field for Australian politics that it has a lot of people wondering what’s in the water in the Liberal party room. Well, read on and all shall be revealed!
(Note for Americans and other aliens: The Australian Liberal Party is Australia’s major conservative party, with the Nationals their hillbilly cousins. This causes all kinds of problems, most notably when the sarcastic hashtag #imvotingliberalbecause escaped Aussie Twitter some years back and utterly baffled the poor Americans)
Reason 1: The Liberals have spent the better part of the last 30 years arguing that climate change is a hoax, and renewable energy is a scam. The majority of Australians now know that neither of these things are true and are demanding action on climate, but years of denial have painted the Libs into a corner where they can’t embrace renewables without handing the Left a massive propaganda coup. So they’ve grabbed on to nuclear as an alternate ‘clean’ energy source that won’t make them look like they’re caving to the progressives.
Reason 2: Renewable energy – rooftop solar in particular – has massive potential to take energy generation out of the hands of big corporations and put it into the hands of individuals. This is a nightmare for said big corporations, who will see their profits plunge as people switch to making and using their own power. Nuclear keeps power generation in the hands of big business, which is where the Liberals’ corporate donors/masters want it!
Reason 3: Every non-partisan expert says that it will take at least 30 years to get nuclear power up and running in this country. Dutton denies this with vague hand-waving about ‘breakthroughs’, but from the Liberal viewpoint a big delay is a feature, not a bug. The longer it takes for nuclear to come online the longer the Liberal Party’s big business mates can keep on turning a profit from coal, oil and gas. Dutton’s dream reactor is the one that starts operating in the infinite tomorrow – the tomorrow that ticks over a day every day at midnight.
So there you have it, the three reasons Peter Dutton and the Liberal-National Coalition are suddenly crazy for a nuclear future. What a shower of dicks.
An old illustration of a mole or shrew or something. It’s posed on a lump of earth surrounded by water and there’s no indication of scale so you can’t tell if it’s tiny and standing on a clump of moss or hundreds of metres tall and crushing a forest. It has webbed feet and a snake-like tail that doesn’t seem to attach to its body properly and a bizarre elephant-like trunk, and despite being an animal its face bears an expression of terrified desperation as if its family is going to be murdered if it doesn’t remain perfectly still for the artist. The picture is titled Sorex moſchatus Pall. which is certainly the kind of name I’d give to something this bizarre looking.
It’s probably meant to be one of these…
(Turns out it’s a Russian Desman (Desmana moschata) – which is even written on the image in French! – but I’m leaving the video)
Got myself banned from Reddit for three days for speculating that if Elon Musk attempted to do to Australia what he’s doing to the United States he’d be shot. This is apparently ‘threatening violence’ despite no mention of any person – let alone myself – actually carrying out the wholey theoretical shooting.
Anyway, the ban has expired and I have full access again, just in time for the site to be flooded with Superbowl and Valentines posts. I CARE NOT FOR YOUR SPORTS OR ROMANCE FESTIVALS, AMERICA! LEAVE ME ALONE!
I am now also startlingly poor after some embarrassingly unwise dipping into my savings account. As such I am organising a fire sale of various things I have been putting aside for years with the intention of selling them. I am also halting my program of generously bagging up my used cans and bottles and leaving them by the bins for the less fortunate – I’m less fortunate now, and will be reclaiming every cent I can as soon as I figure out how to haul them to a recycling centre. I’m also going to prune my library as there are many books in my collection that – while nice to have – I do not need to re-read or reference. Second hand books don’t sell for a lot, but the last time I counted I had well over 1,000 volumes knocking around the place, so that’s got to add up to a bit of pocket money.
I have made a vague new-years resolution to get all my Warhammer 40k tanks assembled and painted before buying any new ones. This is going quite well so far, although I am starting to run low on spray paint. Buying more may have to wait a while in line with my new austerity measures. I’m very happy with how my kitbashed Banewolf is looking – all going well I’ll shortly be able to show off all three Geneva-Convention violating variants of the Hellhound flame tank. Nothing like bathing the enemies of the Emperor in a high pressure shower of molten Uranium Hexafluoride – that’ll learn ’em!
Had a games day over the weekend with Chae, Liz, Paula, and Paula’s new beau Mark. Very enjoyable, although the heat was a bit oppressive. Liz managed to roll nine 6s in a row, which Google assures me is a 1 in 217,678,233,600 chance, which is rather impressive really. Prep for the games day also saw me break out my brand new knock-off Henry Hoover – it’s amazing how clean you can get your carpets when you have a vacuum that actually works.
To finish off, here is Henry Hoover predicting the pandemic…
It’s Hottest 100 day so I thought I’d better get off my lazy backside and post the songs I voted for. Based on previous performances – and the fact that I am an ancient fossil increasingly finding the music preferred by the young folks to be unlistenable crap – I expect that only 3 to 4 of my choices will make it in, with maybe one of them in the top 20. Nonetheless I shall continue to vote until either death, dementia, or the music police take me!
My selections, in no particular order
Close to You – Gracie Abrams
This track grabbed my attention the first time I heard it, and has not let go since. I think it’s the baseline – I’m a sucker for a song built around a pounding 80s style synth base.
Good Luck, Babe! – Chappell Roan
Chappell continues to be utterly amazing. Incredible voice, incredible control of that voice, and amazing songwriting. I consider this the most likely of my votes to make it in, and the only one with a chance at the top 5.
360 – Charli xcx
I’ve always like weird, tinkley, synth sounds – they are somehow pleasing to my autistic brain. This song is entirely made of them.
Cheapskate – Dune Rats
Some good, old-fashioned, energetic pop-rock. You could have released this in 1997 and no one would have bat an eyelid – although the uncanny valley crowd at the motel in the video clip would have terrified everyone.
Touchy Subject – Peach PRC
One of those songs that’s kind of sweet and melancholy until you actually pay attention to the lyrics and realise it’s straight up devastating.
The Future is a Foreign Land – Ghost
I don’t believe I’ve ever heard Ghost played on Triple J, but I still had to vote for this one. Part of Ghost’s Gorillaz-style fictional back story, it’s supposed to be from the 60s version of the band and looks forwards to a 2024 when a fascist regime is no more. Talk about your dark irony…
Disconnect – Fanning Dempsey National Park
A big, rocky, horn-infused track from two of the biggest names of Australian alt-rock of the 90s. There was no way I wasn’t going to vote for this! The video does a pretty clever job of pretending to be filmed in 1980s West Berlin.
Soup – Remi Wolf
If you want for me to vote for you in the Hottest 100 then write a catchy (but slightly melancholy) tune, put big drums behind it and feature an awesome toad in the video clip.
One of Your Girls (Like a Version) – Missy Higgins
I mean it’s Missy Higgins! What more needs to be said?
Physical Medicine – The Rions
I was kind of struggling to come up with a final track, and I remembered this one. Funky beat, catchy chorus, all good!
At the time of writing we’ve just hit 50 in the countdown and only one of these tracks (the Missy Higgins one) has made it in. I’ll update the list as we go.
194 – Touchy Subject – Peach PRC
192 – Soup – Remi Wolf
66 – One of Your Girls (Like a Version) – Missy Higgins
46 – Physical Medicine – The Rions
45 – Close to You – Gracie Abrams
35 – 360 – Charli xcx
1 – Good Luck, Babe! – Chappell Roan
NA – Cheapskate – Dune Rats
NA – The Future is a Foreign Land – Ghost
NA – Disconnect – Fanning Dempsey National Park
YES!! @#^!(%(&%(**(&(&%(&% YES!!! Chappell Roan at Number 1! WOOOO!!
Best number one in years, and with the highest number of votes in Hottest 100 history! Also the first solo female artist to reach number one with their sole entry!!
Excuse my enthusiasm, but I’m used to turning off the radio feeling slightly disappointed at this point, so this is a fantastic change! 😀
Edit: It’s now Monday and they’re doing the 200 to 101 countdown, so I’m updating as appropriate.
The Eldar named them ‘Palustiquendi’ – which is ‘Shelf Elf’ – from their habit of perching in dark and unexpected places to better their spying
The Palustiquendi are the descendants of escapees from the hellish chambers within which Morgoth created the first orcs from captured Elves long before the rising of the sun. Although appearing much as other Elves – Morgoth not having wrought much harm upon their bodies – their minds were twisted by his sorceries long ere their escape, rendering them scheming, suspicious, and duplicitous, quick to anger and fast to seek power by the accusation of others. Indeed, some believe the Palustiquendi did not escape, but were released by Morgoth to serve as spies and agents among the Elves, although any such scheme was doomed, as the ignoble behaviour of these piteous wretches swiftly marked them out among any untainted Eldar they encountered.
The Palustiquendi were all but wiped out during the War of the Jewels in the First Age, with few – if any – surviving the destruction of Beleriand in the War of Wrath. Legends persist however – even unto the present day – of these foul and treacherous creatures pledging their questionable allegiance to those desperate for spies and informants.
You ever read The Silmarillion, man? You ever read The Silmarillion ON PIPEWEED? Oh, there’s some weird shit there man! There’s a hobbit sitting in the bushes, man! Has he got the Ring? I dunno!! FORTH EORLINGAS!! RIDE TO RUIN AND THE WORLD’S ENDING!!
In all seriousness, pipeweed is actually just tobacco.
