In the heat of the day

When you’re sitting in a room that’s just slightly too warm for comfort, the temperature outside is in excess of 40°C and you’re a bit sleep deprived because last night was too hot, there’s just something about the hollow synth drums, the rumbling base, the jangly echoing guitar, the shrieking choir and the disdainful muttering of Dominion by the Sisters of Mercy that takes you to another, strange aural place where it may not be any cooler but the heat seems more appropriate – even, in some fashion – epic.

Or maybe that’s just me…


I know temperature isn’t as simple as marks on a thermometer. I know buildings in the UK are built to retain heat, while ours are built to repel heat. I know acclimatisation, habit and even wardrobe have a big effect on how people perceive the weather. I know people are genuinely suffering. But despite all this I can’t help but snort with laughter on seeing headlines like…

Send workers home if temperature hits 30C, say MPs who fear heatwave will cause accidents and deaths

Seriously – if we sent people home at 30C here in Perth, nothing would get done from August right through to March.

Also, the definition of a “Level Three Heatwave” makes me have to bite my fist to avoid bursting into fits of giggles…

Level three is triggered as soon as the Met Office confirms that threshold temperatures have been reached in any one region […] the average threshold temperature is 30ºC during the day and 15ºC overnight.

Here, that’s not a “Level Three Heatwave” – that’s unexpectedly mild summer weather where the days aren’t too hot and the nights are cool enough to sleep comfortably. In the heights of summer when a high pressure system is stalled in the Bight we’d kill for temperatures like that!

Cross-cultural hilarity aside, stay indoors and keep cool Britons. And look after those hedgehogs!

This Cannot be Borne!

The minimum temperature last night was 27.7 degrees. I think we can all agree that this is ridiculous and something should be done.

I suggest sending a fleet of tugs down to Antarctica to snap off a bit of ice shelf and tow it back here. We can then hack chunks off of it and helicopter them up into the hills. The easterlies will turn nice and cool, and the runoff will go straight into the dams. It’s a win-win situation!

Get onto it Premier! I command you!

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