Motorway

Today’s Google Doodle (commemorating 66 years since whatever the hell happened at Roswell happened) is fantastic. It took me a little while, but I figured out how to recover all the alien’s ship parts and send him safely on his way.

I particularly liked the reference to the legendarily awful E.T. computer game 🙂

For a sadder look at Roswell, here’s the Pixies…

Just another day at the coal face…

Client: Since you built my new website my Google rankings have tanked!
Us: OK, well if that’s true we’ll need to have a look at the structure of the site and the quality of your backlinks…
Client: No! My SEO Company says it’s because you have 70 words in my title tags and there should only be 60!
Us: Well, that’s not really the case anymore, Google takes a lot of factors into account…
Client: I’m paying them $5,000 a month so they must know what they’re talking about! I demand my money back! I demand you fix it free of charge! You don’t know what you’re doing! You should be ashamed to call yourselves a web design company!
Us: All right, give us a few days to look over the site and we’ll get back to you with a plan to address your complaints.
Client: You’d better, or I’ll sue!

We run a backlink analysis for the site. It comes back with thousands of comment spam links, over half of which are from porn sites.

Client: Well? What are you going to do to fix your mistakes on my site?
Us: Actually, as you can see from these reports your Google rank has collapsed because your site has thousands of low quality incoming links, most from comment spam and most of those from pornography sites. Google is really penalising this kind of thing nowdays.
Client: … I need to have a word with my SEO company…

As a wise man once said, there’s nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others.

The Stupid Country

60% of Australians are idiots

Google has released its 10 most searched for terms in Australia for 2011. At number three is…. “Google”.

While I’d really, really like to attribute that to IT Crowd fans, I think it’s just a clear indication that people, fundamentally, are morons.

The full, shameful list…

1. Facebook
2. YouTube
3. Google
4. Games
5. eBay
6. Hotmail
7. Brisbane
8. Weather
9. News
10. Yahoo

That’s more terrible than stealing 30 cakes.

I’ma to stupid too think for maself!

Google is ruining everything!

I haven’t been posting much, or answering emails or anything lately because work has been hellish. It should calm down after today though. I hope.

On the subject of work we got a call this morning from a woman who’d placed an order on one of our affiliated florist websites. She was extremely upset as she’d placed the order for delivery on Sunday, but the confirmation email came back to her saying that it would be delivered on Monday (as the florist involved doesn’t deliver on Sundays).

After calming her down some we got the full story. She typed “perth florists that deliver on Sunday” (or something similar) into Google. Our site came up number one, so she put her order through – apparently missing the numerous large notices all over the bloody site saying that we don’t deliver on Sundays. The very notices that got the site ranked so high on Google for “deliver on Sundays”!

Apparently reading or even basic intelligence isn’t required for living any more – you just type your concerns into Google and throw money at the first site returned. Sheeze!!