Blast from the Past

Like sands through the hourglass…

Dingalings do stupid things, they don’t think of others at all,
They’re dopes and bullies, see the trouble they bring? That’s what we call dingalings!

If you’re now wondering about my sanity then you obviously didn’t grow up in Perth in the 80’s…

Dingalings
Vitamins
Nutrition
Dirt and Germs

I stumbled across a Livejournal page linking to these while searching for info on the old Ascot Water Playground. This was a favourite summer destination when I was a kid and I only just discovered that it’s all shut down and derelict. I cycled over today and scouted it out for Abandoned in Perth. I’ll probably get a proper expedition together later on.

It was a great place Ascot Water Playground. You had a big pool at the bottom, a sort of concrete bunker halfway up with fountains and slippery metal ladders (which were a death trap waiting to happen frankly) and two smaller pools at the top linked with locks. Locks! Like on a canal! A paddling stream ran from the top pools all the way down the hill to the bottom pool and one year (oh the excitement!) they opened a new pool with water slides. And admission was whatever you decided to put into the tins at the gates!

One of the defining moments of my childhood was at Ascot, the day when I finally summoned the courage to climb the deathtrap ladders all the way to the top. All the other kids (including my younger brother) who’d been clambering up and down them with abandon for years kept mocking me mercilessly about my cowardice, and on this particular day I decided I was going to conquer them even if it meant I fell to my death on the concrete below. I waited until there was no one in the bunker (both so the other kids wouldn’t figure out how badly their mockery hurt me, and so that if I chickened out at the last minute there’d be no one to see) and hauled myself up the slippery bars and over the top onto the roof. Then I clambered back down and wandered off, quite happy with myself.

(I only ever climbed the ladders once again – the next time the other kids started mocking me. I climbed up and down once to shut them up, and then never risked it again. Honestly, I’m amazed no one was ever killed on those things.)

But – back to the modern day – run off from the park into the river was apparently getting out of control (the site is right on the riverfront) and there were all kinds of liability issues (those ladders I bet), so the playground had to shut down about five or six years back. Another irreplaceable childhood memory gone – although at least it’s gone in a way that provides me with something to clamber around and take eerie photos of.

The Livejournal page I stumbled across has a bunch of other musings about Perth in the 80s, including a reminder of the plastic tugboats and space shuttles you used to get Red Rooster in. How could I forget those!? They were made of extremely thin and brittle plastic (that crumbled after only a few hours exposure to Perth’s harsh summer sunshine) and you got a sheet of stickers to personalise them with. Great days!

I’ll have to write about my memories of Atlantis Marine Park and Dizzy Lamb sometime I suppose…

Foolish Musical Ideas

If I had the tools I’d do it myself.

Back in ancient historical era known as the 80s, British House giants Cauty and Drummond (perhaps you remember them as the KLF – also known as the Justified Ancients of Mumu, and furthermore known as the JAMs) sat down to create a House remix of the Doctor Who theme.

After messing around with it for some hours and getting nowhere they realised that it’s in triplet time, and you can’t do House in triplet time. So they threw the House idea out the window and just mashed the theme up with perhaps the most famous triplet rock song ever – Garry “I want to touch your children” Glitter’s Rock and Roll Part 2.

The result was one of the most successful and annoying novelty tracks of all time – Doctorin’ the Tardis – which transformed them into millionaires almost overnight.

The reason I mention this is that in the shower yesterday morning I realised that Marilyn “Oo! I’m so Evil!” Manson’s Beautiful People is also in triplet time. Which means you could easily do a Doctor WhoBeautiful People mashup!

Go on! What are you waiting for?! 😀

Nimboid

It’s new word time!

Nimboidadjective – Highly musclebound, of low intellect and prone to violence, often as the result of hormonal imbalance (see nimboidism).

My brother and I invented the word ‘nimboid’ as children after seeing a TV news article about the z-movie classic A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell and mishearing the title. We didn’t necessarily formalise the definition, I just always figured – after assuming one of the musclebound freaks show in clips from the movie was the barbarian of the title – that this is what it meant.

Go on! try it out next time you pass a rugby league player!

What’s the Scouter say about her Sweetness Level?

It’s over NINE THOUSAND!!!!!11!!!!1

Last night’s episode of Good News Week confirmed what I have always thought – namely that Kelly Clarkson is just about the cutest and sweetest woman on Earth.

I’d never buy any of her music in a million years mind you – she’s just really sweet that’s all 🙂

Cut it back to half an hour. That’s what I’d do.

Why not just stick with the lyrics as written? That’s TV execs for you…

Channel Ten’s much vaunted comedy quiz show Talking ‘Bout Your Generation premiered last night. My thoughts on it are as follows…

The opening credits and music were mildly entertaining.

Shaun Micallef did an OK job as host, although a lot of the jokes were a bit forced.

The whole thing was pretty slow paced. Hopefully it’ll speed up in later episodes.

That’s Ruby Rose? She’s cute! And… famously gay. But hey, if a guy can’t fantasise about completely unobtainable relationships he might as well give up, slick back his hair and join Amway.

The Grand Theft Auto joke was fantastic.

So while I wasn’t overwhelmed I’ll give it another chance and tune in next week. If it’s still as stumbling and slow paced though it won’t get a third.

Dom Deluise is dead. That sucks 🙁

What’s Wrong with Modern Cinema

Superman with an army though is way off…

A non-flying, non-costume-wearing Superman with the eyes of a violent, caged killer, beating up a giant spider while Braniac and his gay, black, robot sidekick whale on polar bears?

Kevin Smith explains what happened to his Superman movie

I would pay to see that movie.

(I would put a language warning on that link, except that it’s Kevin Smith and hence implied)

Charles Walker and the H. H. Holmes Combo

Serial killers in short supply. Ugly musicians not so much…

So! It is to be war between us! If these demands are not met, a disaster beyond your imagination shall…

Oh, sorry, I seem to have been channelling the Phantom of the Opera there.

It occurred to me the other day that they haven’t played Musician or Serial Killer on Spicks and Specks for a while. For the uninitiated this is where they display a grainy, black and white mugshot and challenge the players to determine (as you’d expect from the name) if they’re a musician or a serial killer.

My initial thought was that they might have run out of scary/creepy looking musicians.

A few seconds later I realised that this was stupid, and they’d have been much more likely to have run out of serial killers 😉

(For the record this is my 599th post…)

Lost in Austen

TV makes everything better!

One of the things about myself that I’m kind of embarrassed about is that while I apparently come across as highly erudite and well educated, I’m not actually particularly literary. Confront me with a list of the greatest novels of the last 200 years and I’ll have to admit that I’ve read very few of them. Dostoyevsky? Nope. Balzac? Nup. Orwell? No. Tolstoy? ‘Fraid not. The Brontës? Uh-uh. Steinbeck? Never. Dickens? Well I read Great Expectations in high school. Kipling? No. The list goes on.

A few years ago I decided to do something about this. I – on the basis that everyone always goes on and on about it – obtained a copy of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice and set to work on it with vigour and enthusiasm.

I got about two thirds of the way through before collapsing in apathy and giving up.

I just couldn’t get into it. The pace was glacial, there were dozens of characters you had to keep track of, Elizabeth and Darcy were irritating as all get out and I really just could not motivate myself to push through to the end. Once again literature one, me nil.

(I dare say the book’s many millions of fans – or at least the few that stumble over this blog – are foaming at the mouth at the above. Let me state here that I’m in no way saying it’s a bad book, just one that I couldn’t understand. The fault is entirely mine!)

The reason I bring all this up was that the ABC played the first two (as is their wont) episodes of Lost in Austen last night, and I loved it. It was freaking hilarious!

For those unfamiliar with the premise, a young 21st century woman (and fan of the book) finds herself somehow swapped with Elizabeth Bennet and by her very presence horribly disrupting the plot. Her attempts to get things back on track make matters even worse and – well I don’t want to include any spoilers and I’ve only seen half of it anyway, but it’s entertaining in the extreme.

(Mr Collins! Oh my lord Mr Collins!! The sniffing!!)

I think one of the main reasons I like this version is that the actors do all the heavy lifting on remembering who’s who. It’s much easier to remember what’s going on when you’ve got a clear image of each character in your head. It’s also got the right mix of sly, post-modern humour and Austenic (if I might be permitted to coin an adjective) witticisms. I’m very much looking forwards to the conclusion next week and, who knows, once it’s all over I may even go back and give the book another try.

Maybe.

Lions and Steampunk and Boobage! Oh, my!

The Wyrm reviews Sci-Fi’s “Tin Man”

Well, I am currently rather sleep deprived having stayed up to almost midnight the last two nights watching the Sci-Fi Channel’s updated version of The Wizard of Oz entitled Tin Man, which the Seven network saw fit to compile into two three-hour episodes rather than the three two-hour episodes intended by the makers. Having put this much time into watching the spectacle I thought I’d record some thoughts about it.

So to start with, the costuming, set dressing and just general visual design was fantastic. There was a wonderful 1930’s noirish feel to everything – Central City was a brilliant New York mish-mash, Azkadellia’s tower was a steam/dieselpunk power station, and the Realm of the Unwanted had a electro/cyberpunk slum Chinatown flavour. Costuming was completely spot on through the whole production – from the Nazi/Matrix Longcoats to the bizarre, bird-like, savage munchkins.

The reworking of some of the central characters was brilliant in concept. The scarecrow needs a brain because Azkadellia’s doctors removed most of it, rendering him only semi-functional with a zipper in his head. The tin man had his family (symbolically his heart) taken away from him, and can’t move – not because he’s rusted in place, but because he’s imprisoned in a torture suit. He also was a ‘Tin Man’ – a cop in Central City (presumably so called because of their tin badges). The actual use made of these ideas wasn’t always great, but the concepts are fantastic.

“Oz” being re-rendered as “The O.Z.” (Outer Zone) was a nice touch, apart from the failure to explain what it was outside of, and the fact that it sounds a lot like “The O.C.”, which left me with some very strange images of Azkadellia fighting Mischa Barton for the affections of rich surfer boys.

The Mobats did a great job of reminding us that real flying monkeys probably wouldn’t be very nice. The “field of the Papae” was a nice spin on the poison poppies – although the Papae themselves were a bit of a let down.

Now, that good stuff said I have to admit there were things about the show that I didn’t enjoy. Zooey Deschanel for instance as the central ‘Dorothy’ character DG, who I actually found rather annoying. She seemed to have all the acting range of a loaf of bread, with her characterisations limited to looking bored, looking glum, and opening her eyes really wide to express any other kind of emotion. She was quite good as Trillian in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, so I don’t know what happened here. It may be the fault of the script which mostly limited her to walking around looking confused, and having flashbacks.

(On the subject of the flashbacks – I know they were important to the plot but they started getting really tedious about halfway through. It’d be five minutes of the characters walking around going “So what do we do now?”, one of them suggesting DG try to remember something, and boom! Ten minutes of DG-Junior and Azkadellia-Junior running around the woods and making dolls spin around in the air. At least some of these scenes could have been replaced by DG just remembering stuff without showing us the whole damn recall process!)

Neal McDonough as Wyatt Cain (the Tin Man character) was fairly wooden, which I suppose is kind of ironic given that the original Tin Man was a Tin woodsman. This is kind of appropriate at the start since his family (as far as he knows) is dead, and he’s been locked up without human company in an iron suit for years, but once he rediscovers a reason to live (no doubt symbolically finding his ‘heart’) you’d expect him to lighten up a bit – but he doesn’t. It’s hard to say if this is the fault of the script, or the actor, but it feels like he phoned in a lot of his performance.

Raw (the Lion character, played by Raoul Trujillo) was a bit of mystery. I don’t know if I missed a bit of exposition, or if Channel Seven (or even the series producers) cut some scenes for time, but there seemed to be a big chunk of his backstory missing. By analogy with the Wizard of Oz we know that he has to be a coward, and all the characters treat him like a coward, but in no scene is it actually established that he’s a coward. They rescue him from the Papae, take him with them, and are suddenly commenting on how he needs ‘some spine’. Then there’s the other psychic-lion dudes imprisoned by Azkadellia, with whom Raw seems to have some kind of history – but this history is never explained. We can perhaps extrapolate that Raw’s cowardice led to the other lions being captured, but we shouldn’t have to extrapolate – it’s the job of the show to tell us this kind of thing.

Alan Cumming as Mr Glitch/Ambrose (the Scarecrow) was actually a highlight – I can’t fault his performance or character at all. If the rest of the show was to same standard as he was, it would have been fantastic.

Kathleen Robertson was passable as the evil Sorceress Azkadellia (more or less the Wicked Witch of the West). Her main problem was that she didn’t do a lot, apart from remotely observe DG’s progress and send various people and things out to stop, hinder, or (again) observe her. This is probably a quite realistic portrayal of a fascist dictator (they have people to take care of the gory details) but this kind of banal evil doesn’t make for great television. Her constant boob flashing was – I must admit – quite enjoyable (Azkadellia is easily the most attractive looking woman in the O.Z.) but it didn’t add a whole lot to the plot or to her character.

The young Azkadellia (which we got to see a lot of thanks to DG’s incessant flashbacks) was actually much more interesting – she came across as a smart, strong, likable kid. Once the witch possessed her though she lost all traces of personality and just became the generic “evil child”, a-la The Omen and Village of the Damned. You would have thought her parents would have picked up on this – particularly when she came back from the woods with a whole bunch of tattoos.

Tutor (able to shape-change into a dog nicknamed Toto) was an interesting character, but not a lot was done with him. The ambiguity over whose side he’s on could have been played up a bit more. In fact a nice character arc would have been him serving Azkadellia out of fear and despair, and then being inspired to defy her and come back to the good side by DG and the gang’s actions and belief. As it was they uncover his treachery, he says “I had to do what she says or she’d kill me”, they say “OK”, and from that point on he’s one of the good guys.

The Mystic Man (more or less the Wizard) was quite well done – Richard Dreyfus played him well. Unfortunately the hair and costuming choices made him look like Dr Phil, which was rather disconcerting.

The CGI budget could have used a boost. The Mobats were usually passable (although they had their crappy moments) but the Papae were terrible – they looked like someone stole some graveling footage from Dead Like Me and threw it in at the last minute. Possibly they spent the bulk of the money on virtual sets – Azkadellia’s tower and Central City were quite impressive.

The Grey Gale idea was pretty smart, as was naming the Dorothy character DG. Unfortunately I got both references as soon as they were mentioned, which kind of ruined the surprise they were going for. I have to admit though I didn’t figure on the ‘grey’ bit, which was actually damned clever.

The ending was bit of a cliche. Sisterly love and believing in yourself wins the day. I also can’t help but wonder what happened next. I mean you’ve had this evil dictator oppressing the O.Z. for fifteen odd years, murder, torture, disappearances, fascist dudes in trenchcoats beating people up, and a grand plan to engulf the world in darkness. Then suddenly the royal family re-appears and says “It wasn’t her fault, she was possessed!”. Somehow I doubt the farmer who had his crops burnt, his son murdered and his wife lobotomised is going to be in a forgiving mood. Not to mention the fact that the touching family reunion is taking place on the top floor of a tower full of Azkadellia’s hundreds (if not thousands) of brutal henchmen, many of whom are unlikely to react well to being told that the plan has changed and they now have to be “nice”. The O.Z. is going to be having a lot of war crime tribunals, revenge killings, and probably some kind of civil war against the hardcore remnants of the Longcoats. But hey, at least the witch is dead (ding-dong!).

So yeah, Tin Man was a valiant attempt that fell a bit short. But the effort is certainly worthy of applause, and is a valuable addition to the pop-cultural mileau of the Wizard of Oz. I enjoyed it and may get around to buying it on DVD, if only to find out if Raw has more of a back story (the fact that Azkadellia’s boobage will hence be under my complete control is surely just a coincidence 😉

(I owe people emails, I know, and will get them written shortly. In the meantime merry late Christmas, happy late birthday, and happy early new year!)

Quote of the Week

The stuff about Bowie’s codpeice is gold too

…Miss Piggy- and Gonzo-loving kids and parents must have thought this J.R.R. Tolkien-like epic would be an adorable Kermit-dressed-as-a-Hobbit romp. What they got were the Skeksis, lizard bird creatures that ate other Muppets and shrieked in such a way, I still can’t get it out of my head….

From The 26 Most Disturbing Kid Movies Ever, unsurprisingly discussing The Dark Crystal

So much for more frequent posts eh? Still devilishly busy at work and also feeling somewhat sick and run down. Hopefully things shall improve shortly.

On a spoilers-for-Battlestar-Galactica note….
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..They killed Cally!! You bastards!

(Do I really have to point out that that’s a nod to old-school South Park?)

I don’t care that she (apparently) smelled of boiled cabbage and developed total amnesia over Baltar putting her on the death list, I still loved her!

Booo evil crypto-Cylon woman! Boooo!

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