Odd

Life After the Apocalypse with Power Armour and Demons and Tube Stations and Things

7 Mate (as Network 7 is insisting on calling it’s third channel) is promoting the series Life After People with that picture from Hellgate London.

You know, the one that curiously distorts the layout of the city to get the maximum number of devestated landmarks in?

With the game shut down and all I don’t know what the copyright status of the image is, but it seems like a strange choice. I mean the series is Life After People, not Life After the Apocalypse with Power Armour and Demons and Tube Stations and Things.

Odd.

Lindsey And Leon Go To A Roller Disco

In Lindsey And Leon Go To A Roller Disco (2010), the two main characters, Lindsey and Leon, go to a roller disco.

Observe the Wikipedia page for “roller disco“. Observe this…

In Lindsey And Leon Go To A Roller Disco (2010), the two main characters, Lindsey and Leon, go to a roller disco.

I so wish I could have found a reference to this on Google, but I couldn’t, so I had to remove it, damnit!

It may have been called “Adam 1985” or something…

Televisual Memories

Yes, yes, happy new arbitrary point in the earth’s orbit and all that. I have more important things to talk about. Like TV.

(If I were running things then the year would start/end at a solstice or equinox or something. You know, a date that means something. Hrumph.)

Anyway, I remembered a TV show the other day that I haven’t thought of for years. The trouble is I don’t know the name of it, and can only remember a few fragments of plot. This is driving me nuts so I thought I’d start off the new year by putting all the details I can remember about it up online, thus making it someone else’s problem.

It was a live action show. I have a vague suspicion that it was made somewhere in Europe, and dubbed into English – or at least it was filmed in English but in association with a French or Belgian or Dutch (or maybe German) TV network. The plot (insofar as I remember it) was that at some point in the future the world is threatened. You see, in the future everyone wanders around in white robes in a big white building, listening to a super intelligent computer – which appears to be nothing more than a large perspex cube. This computer predicts that some kind of cataclysm is going to occur – a comet, or a planet or an asteroid is going to collide with the earth. Oy gevalt!

Now, the super civilisation of the future is based around the discoveries of a brilliant scientist who was born in the 20th century. In his memoirs he mentioned that he once developed a formula that could be used to move a planet – exactly what the future people need to do to save the earth. But, the formula doesn’t appear anywhere in his papers. So the future people decide they need to travel back in time to the 1980s (when the scientist – about 12 years old at the time – says that he developed the formula) and get it off him – without disturbing the time line by walking up to him and saying “Hey! We’re from the future!”.

So a small team travels back to the 1980s and spends most of their time stumbling around, not actually achieving anything.

They do however (somehow) become involved with a local tramp, who wanders around whitling things. Right at the end of the series they rescue the tramp from being hit by a car (and for some reason) immediately need to return to the future without the formula. Because the tramp is supposed to be dead, they take him with them. Once back in the future they get all mournful about how the mission failed and they’re all going to die.

Meanwhile the tramp notices that the perspex cube supercomputer isn’t level, and quickly whittles a wedge to correct the situation. The computer then announces “Hey, guess what! I wasn’t on a level surface so my calculations were off, the comet/asteroid/planet is going to miss us, hooray!” and everyone lives happily ever after.

The series ends with the boy genius and his girlfriend sitting on a pier back in the 1980s. She asks him what he’s carving into the wood, and he tells her it’s a formula to move planets. THE END.

It was a very weird show – everything was very grey and grim. Lots of melancholy shots of salt marsh and things. I remember a couple of other scenes, one of the future people ransacking the kid’s house (which in the future is a scheduled monument of some kind), and a couple of the time travellers sitting around at a party noting that all of the songs the locals are singing are about love. But that’s it.

So, what the hell was I watching? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Happy new year y’all! 😀

Pun Unintentional

Talk about ideas that suck

So, they’re apparently making a Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie.

Hmmm, didn’t they already do that? And it sucked?

(While we’re on the subject of awful Vampire movies, I meant to say a while back that I didn’t think there was any way to make the Twilight movies worse, but that the makers of Vampires Suck seemed to have somehow managed it.)

Micturition

You know it’s bad when the most authentic version featured Ted Danson…

Saw a preview for Jack Black’s version of Gulliver’s Travels this week. It’s kind of ironic that the only bit that looks authentic to the book is the one bit everyone would assume isn’t in the book.

(If you don’t get what I mean then go out and read it you phillistine!)

Renaissance of the Geek Underclass

The special extended edition.

Well, I’ve at least accomplished something sort of worthwhile with my week off, a complete rebuild of the Tales of the Geek Underclass. The old site was so badly laid out as to be almost completely unreadable, so I’ve revised it into something that doesn’t make me want to puke. I’ve also started work on revising the content, since some of the writing is as almost as embarrassing as the layout. I may even get some more tales written – stay tuned!

Went to the Dentist on Friday. They said that I might as well not bothered coming, my teeth are in such good shape. They couldn’t even find anything worth cleaning, although they did a clean anyway since I was there. Good to know at least one part of my body seems to work 🙂

The midnight screening of Harry Potter was fun. There were a good number of people in costumes, and the movie was reasonably enjoyable. I’ve always had a problem with the Harry Potter movies in that on the one hand I know the books so well that I immediately notice all the bits they miss out and change, but on the other hand can mentally fill them back in, making the movie seem more complete than it actually is, so I’m an awful judge of whether a given HP movie is any good or not. But overall I had a good time, so that’s what counts.

(Why didn’t they have to say “I didn’t kill you” at Grimauld Place? Why didn’t Harry liberate Mad-Eye’s eye? Why didn’t Voldemort turn up at Godric’s Hollow? Why didn’t they put in more Tonks? Why don’t they ever put in more Tonks? I’ll shut up now :))

Back to work tomorrow. Bah.

Later: The link to the Tales was pointing to a file on my desktop. How does someone do that after 10 years as a web developer? I has an embarrassment! (it’s fixed now).

Go Terri- Go Terri- Go Terri-errrrrrrrrr

Aroomba! Aroomba! Aroomba! Aroomba! Aroomba! Aroomba! Aroomba! …. AROOMBA!!

Something I’ve been enjoying lately is Kids in the Hall: Death Comes to Town which is airing on Thursday nights on ABC2.

Kids in the Hall are of course the great Canadian comedy troupe of the 80’s and 90’s, featuring such luminaries as Dave Foley, Bruce McCulloch and Scott Thompson (oh hell, I’d better mention the other two lest I be accused of favouritism – Kevin McDonald and Mark McKinney, there, you happy?).  I was first turned on to their work by Stephanie, who was an online friend of mine who went off to college and suddenly became too cool to associate with foreign geeks 😛

While never a hardcore KitH fan I am quite fond of a lot of their sketch work. Phrases such as “they can all read my thoughts!” and “he’s clearly insane!” have wormed their way into my consciousness, and I know almost all the (non-French) words of the terrier song (I’ve even been known to perform it while critically bored, even including the “you are scantily clad and add nothing to the narrative” bit). So when I noticed “Kids in the Hall” on the TV schedule a few weeks back I made sure to tune in.

The first episode – well it wasn’t great. There was a lot of background to fill us in on, a whole bunch of characters to introduce and I was distracted trying to figure out who was who under all the makeup and prosthetics. Not to mention the fact that it takes a fair bit of mental reconditioning to witness Mark McKinney in a leather posing pouch without immediately switching off (and possibly burning) your TV. But I stuck with it and three episodes in I’m really enjoying the insanity of it all.

Much like the UK’s Psychoville it’s comedy of the grotesque (did I mention Mark McKinney in a leather posing pouch?) but with the Kids’ unique brand of surreality thrown in. I wouldn’t really recommend tuning in at this point – there’s a lot going on and you’ll probably be completely lost – but it’s certainly worth a look if you can obtain it on DVD or one of those torrent sites I keep hearing so much about. At least last night’s episode is up on ABC’s  iView for Australian viewers, so that might be worth a look as well.

OK, that’s all I’ve got to say. But I hate to leave on that note, so here’s a song,

Terriers are my favourite, favourite breed!…

Helicarriers

Airborne Aircraft Carriers are Cool!

There’s a point on Sunday afternoons when there’s really nothing to do and a certain special brand of ennui sets in. It’s too late in the day to start on anything, since you won’t have time to finish it before having to go to bed to be ready for work the next day, you’ve checked all of your regular web haunts as many times as you usefully can and it’s not prime time yet so there’s nothing on TV but kids’ show, motorsports and (for some insane reason) lawn bowls.

(Who watches lawn bowls?)

When faced with this of late I’ve been doing the only logical thing, and watching the kid’s shows.

There are two in particular that I’ve been enjoying, in a sort of world-weary, ironic, hipster fashion. Class of the Titans and Iron Man: Armoured Adventures.

Class of the Titans is your typical “band of random teenagers develop super powers, become best friends and have to learn how to use said powers to save the world” type thing. What makes it interesting though is its reliance on ancient Greek mythology. Each of the… uh… seven I think? Let’s say seven. Each of the seven characters is a descendent of an ancient Greek hero (Jason, Odysseus, Heracles, Achilles, Atalanta, Theseus and Narcissus – hey that is seven! ), and the big bad guy is a portmateau of the titan Cronus, the god Chronos and Roger Delgado.

The plots are fairly predictable but it’s fun to see what characters/creatures from the myths turn up, how accurate they are to said myths (often not very) and how Cronus works them into his evil schemes.

Iron Man: Armoured Adventures is a CGI series rendered to look something like traditional animation. This gives it a really weird look – it takes a while to get used to – and means the characters don’t have much in the facial expressions department. But it’s entertaining enough for twenty minutes.

It’s basically a reinterpretation of the whole Iron Man story, with a teenaged Tony Stark flying around in his suit saving the world in between attending classes and inventing things in his secret headquarters.  Comic relief is supplied by a hyperactive Pepper Potts who’s so annoying that several supervillains have been tempted to kill her just to shut her up and S.H.I.E.L.D threw her off their helicarrier.

And, that bring us to the real meat of this post. Helicarriers.

(Although before we talk about them, can I just say that the Iron Man theme is absolutely dreadful? “He’s a man on a mission, in armour of high-tech ammunition” High-tech ammunition!? What? His suit is made of bullets?!)

OK, helicarriers. “Helicarrier” is the term used in the Marvel comic setting for S.H.I.E.L.D’s big-ass flying base, more or less an aircraft carrier fitted with massive helicopter engines that keep it continually aloft. What interests me however is the appearance of similar vehicles throughout fiction. This isn’t going to be a definitive round up because I’m lazy, I’m just going to mention some that I’m aware of.

The earliest helicarrier has to be the Albatross from Jules Verne’s Robur-le-Conquérant (Robur the Conqueror also known as The Clipper of the Clouds). Published in 1886 it’s a sort of airborne sequel to 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea where a couple of lighter than air flight enthusiasts and their (unfortunately quite racistly depicted) servant are abducted by a mysterious, powerful and dangerously insane inventor who takes them around the world on his magnificent flying machine – the aforementioned Albatross.

The Albatross consists of a boatlike hull held aloft by dozens of helicopter blades on tall poles. While not a carrier (although I seem to recall it carries a few smaller craft for quick transport back and forth from the ground) it can be considered as the prototype for all helicarrier type craft to follow.

(It’s also made almost entirely from paper – if you want the details, track down the book).

The next helicarrier is Cloudbase from Gerry Anderson’s 1967-1968 supermarionation TV series Captain Scarlet. The series focused around an international security organisation by the name of Spectrum defending the earth against attack by the Mysterons, a race of Martians that could remotely recreate and control any destroyed person or object on Earth.

Spectrum operated from Cloudbase, a flying airfield virtually identical in concept to Marvel’s helicarrier. It’s possible that Gerry Anderson picked up the idea from Marvel as their carrier first appeared in 1965 – although it could just as easily be one of those ideas whose time had come (like chlorofom – go on, look it up!).

The final helicarrier I want to mention is the Valiant from the resurrected Dr Who. This U.N.I.T facility was built by the Master (under the guise of Harold Saxon) and used in his  scheme to take over the world in the 2 parter The Sound of Drums and Last of the Time Lords. It reappears in The Poison Sky and is reported destroyed in The Stolen Earth. The influence of Marvel’s helicarrier on the Valiant cannot reasonably be denied, although there are plenty of similarities to Cloudbase as well.

So yeah, helicarriers.

As a final note, flying aircraft carriers do not exclusively belong to the realms of fiction. Various militaries around the world have experimented with them, usually in the form of modified heavy bomber aircraft carrying small fighters in their holds. The main problem with such implementations is getting the fighters  back into the mother ship, which is the reason the concept has never really been adopted (apart from in the Japanese Kamikaze program where, for obvious reasons, getting the planes back wasn’t an issue).

An exception did exist for a while with airships. The US Navy operated a couple of airship carriers in the early 1930’s, the Akron and the Macon. Both were capable of carrying, launching and recovering four biplanes. Both ships were destroyed in storms and the Hindenburg disaster put paid to airships not long afterwards.

That’s it. Go and make your own entertainment! 😀

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