Best. Put-Down. Ever.

One of the best put downs I’ve ever seen was on a message board I stumbled across many years ago…

Someone had taken it upon themselves to start a new thread by posting a lengthy and quite astonishing white supremacist screed. This consisted of some kind of KKK edited version of It’s a Wonderful Life in which a young idiot named Jimmy (or Timmy, or Heinrich or something) goes off to college and comes under the influence of an evil, atheistic, Jewish professor who convinces him that white people are the worst thing to ever happen to the world. On returning home for the holidays he gets into an argument with his white, God fearing, patriotic father and announces “I wish white people never existed!”

Conveniently for all racist didacts an Angel named Clancy appears and takes him on a tour of a world where white people never existed. This mostly consists of barren wastelands devoid of all civilisation because without the influence of white Europeans the rest of humanity are (apparently) unable to even come up with the idea of rubbing two sticks together. Jimmy makes numerous idiotic requests such as “Take me to a Holiday Inn” to which Clancy invariably replies “Without white people there are no Holiday Inns!”, prompting Jimmy to fall into a state of complete despair and request to be whipped off to some other part of the globe, where Clancy is conveniently able to inform him that Archeologists have “recently proved” that the Pyramids or the Great Wall of China or the local KFC were all built by white people. On the rare occasion when Jimmy and his companion manage to locate some semblance of civilisation, the locals are all bloodthirsty savages who try to cook and eat him, which causes him to fall deeper into despair and eventually see how foolish he was to wish away white people, and Clancy undoes the wish, returning him home.

Rather than put this experience down to eating some bad turkey, Jimmy proceeds to gorge himself on a vast meal that name checks every country in Europe, then heads back to his college and shows his classmates THE TRUTH by bawling out the evil, atheistic, Jew Professor who is corrupting the youth of America with his evil, atheistic, Jewish ideas (I don’t recall if the story mentioned it, but it’s highly likely that one of the Ravens of Odin flew into the room and shed a single tear while singing the Horst Wessel Lied).

Following this bizarre rant was a single post from one of the other members of the forum which I can still recall, word for word, all these years later…

So… did you copy that from somewhere, or did you just wake up this morning and think “I think I’ll go batshit insane today!”

Best. Put-down Ever.

Accosted by Nazis

Not the best way to start the day…

I don’t know if other people attract random weirdos, or if it’s just me (perhaps it’s that old ‘birds of a feather’ thing). In any case this morning on my walk to the railway station I was approached by a tall, thin individual who lit up a cigarette and proceeded to walk along side me asking questions…

“Hot isn’t it?”
“Sure is”
“Off to work?”

I followed my usual procedure for these circumstances, which is to keep doing whatever I’m doing and provide as little response as possible, in the hopes that the annoying freak would get the hint and leave. No such luck, as he kept at it…

“What d’ya do?”
“Computer Programming”

No point providing him with more detail than that. If he found out I was a web designer he might want a site built…

“D’ya make websites?”

So much for that strategy…

“How much does a good website cost these days”
“’bout $4000”
“But they can take it down right?”

Now that was an odd question. I mean it really depends on who “they” are, and a whole bunch of technical factors revolving around hosting, domain names and local jurisdictions. I decided the simplest course was just to agree with him…

“Sure can”
“Unless it’s hosted in America, yeah?”

OK… A bit abstract, but whatever…

“We spent $2000 on a website and three days later they took it down”

Let me guess, because you didn’t pay them?

“Yeah, I’m with Van Tongeren‘s boys and we made a website for the ANM but they took it down”


For those puzzled by my reaction Jack van Tongeren was WA’s best known white supremacist and founder of the Australian Nationalist Movement – a group specializing in the firebombing of Asian restaurants and sticking up posters saying “Asians (or whatever other ethnic group they felt threatened by that particular week) Out or Racial War!”. And here was one of these toe-rags walking along beside me making small talk! Reasoning that anyone unhinged enough to join the ANM would not take my views on their insane hate group well I remained non-committal…

“Oh yeah”
“So we had to move it to America, now it’s on Stormfront

FUCKING STORMFRONT?? HOLY FETH!! Stay non-committal! Stay non-committal!

“Oh yeah”

At this point there was a pause, as if the maniac beside me was waiting to see if I’d break out into a verse of the Horst Wessel Lied. After a minute or so of silence he started back up again, on a subject almost as bad…

“I had the best sex of my life last night!”

Geez, I really want to hear about that! Pray continue sir!

“Oh yeah”
“Two women, it was completely unexpected too!”

Thankfully at this point he appeared to spot something distressing up ahead, quickly mumbled “See ya mate” and decamped into the park by the library. I continued towards the train station breathing a sigh of relief, but about ten metres on was confronted by a rather shabby looking and apparently quite angry woman…

“Who was that bloke you were talking to?!”

Good question. The mystery racist nympho of olde Bayswater?

“I dunno, some bloke who just walked up to me”

She muttered something under her breath and headed into the park, presumably chasing after him.

Not the best way to start the day really.

Blood and Iron and Idiocy

Protecting the sacred white race from evil communist bodily fluids!

It’s come out in the news today that the local branch of a white supremacist group are holding a concert on ANZAC day. When contacted, a spokesthing for the group said that they weren’t giving location details to anyone until the day of the event to prevent “undesirables” from turning up.

I would have thought that undesirables was pretty much the definition of white supremacist concert attendees, but hey, whatever.

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