It is, in my opinion, a great crime that the lyrics to Moped’s various reinterpretations of rock and pop classics do not seem to be available online.
To understand Moped there are a few things you need to be aware of. For instance, the existence of Scooter – a German dance group who specialise in taking samples of other people’s songs, putting a dance beat behind them and then shouting random nonsense over the top.
It also helps to know that Scooter had a mainstream hit in 2002 with a piece based around Supertramp’s Logical Song.
And the final piece of the puzzle is that in the wake of Scooter’s Logical Song, some fun loving British lads created a parody group named Moped and sent a pastiche of Scooter’s style – based around Coldplay’s Clocks – into the popular Chris Moyles radio show, which inexplicably decided to play it.
And then Moped kept doing it, and the rest is history.
Anyway, I find their stuff hilarious and thought it was abut time their unique interpretations of the modern dance form got some love, so here’s my best attempt at the lyrics of their spectacular cover of the Guns N’ Roses classic Sweet Child of Mine.
Sweet Child of Mine – Moped
Yes! Moped are back, going back in time like Doctor Who! But we don’t have a TARDIS. But we do have a Talbot Horizon…
Oh-wo-wo-wo sweet child of mine!
This time we’re rocking for the UK Posse. Cream! Gatecrasher! Nexus Wine Bar! Crystal! And Joker! In between the kebab shop and the taxi rank!
Guns n’ Roses are hot, and it seems to me,
That we’re back on the remix in 2003,
Yes, Moped are phat! It’s satisfaction guarantee!
(Moped are subject to status, terms and conditions apply, ask for written details)
Now and then when I feel the base,
It takes me away to that raving place,
And if I rave too long, I’ll probably miss my last bus and it’s a long walk back to Battenburg let me tell you…
Yes!
Oh-oh-oh sweet child of mine,
Irritation for the nation!
Oo-oo-oo sweet love of mine,
Mmmmm-nice!
She’s got flavour and she’s all gravy,
But I’ve absolutely no idea what that means, and, and now I’ve missed my place in the verse, and, I’ll catch up, it’s coming up in a little bit there, eh, here we go!
Her hair reminds me of the one safe place,
Like Ibiza or Clacton-on-Sea,
We go there all of the time you know,
To get fresh with the Moped Posse,
Here we go!
Oh-oh-oh sweet child of mine,
Fresh with the flavour!
Oo-oo-oo sweet love of mine,
Freestyle! Key-change!
Oh-oh-oh sweet child of mine oh-oh-oh!
Bring back thats beats!
Oo-oo-oo sweet love of mine,
Moonshanka!
Arrr-agh!
I’m the wide runner, I’m the big hitter,
You can’t get better than quick-fit fitter,
Up, fork, you know the score,
Don’t leave towels on the bathroom floor,
Clunk, click, Chas and Dave,
UK Posse gonna hear me rave,
I’m the rhythm police, the baseline protector,
When I say ‘bo’ you say ‘selector’,
Hick, schlep, bacon and eggs,
Guns N’ Roses, they have legs,
I’m the lord of the dance, I’m hung like fire,
This Moped vibe gonna take you higher,
I-I-I-I can’t find my way out of the recording studio, where do we go now?
Arrr-agh!
Real mega-nice!
Where do we go?
Get fresh with this!
Where do you go kids?
Sweet child! Of moped!
Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
