Category: Life and Associated Annoyances

Phone Games

Phone numbers. How do they work?

Saturday Morning. My mobile rings from an unknown number…

Me: Hello?
Caller (very weak, wavering, high pitched and slow voice): You told me to call this number to have my old television set picked up…
Me: Wuh? Uh… I’m, sorry but you seem to have the wrong number…
Caller: Oh. But you told me to call this number to have my old television set picked up…
Me: Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t help you. You have the wrong number.
Caller: So you can’t pick up my old television set?
Me: No, I’m sorry but…
Caller: But you told me to call this number to have my old television set picked up…
Me: Well, I’m sorry but you’ve called the wrong…
Caller: So you won’t pick up my old television set?
Me: No, I’m sorry…
Caller: So who should I speak to to have my old television set picked up?
Me: I’m sorry! You have the wrong number! I’m just a person sitting at home! I’m not a moving company or a charity! You have the wrong number!
Caller: Oh……….. I have the wrong number?
Me: Yes!
Caller: Oh…… I’m sorry.
Me: That’s OK.
Caller: Oh. Goodbye… for now… (hangs up)
Me: For NOW??

Strapped for Cash

Quinoa and beans

I’m a bit strapped for cash at the moment. Not seriously so, just enough to be careful with what I’m spending until I move a bit further into the black. As such I haven’t been doing any grocery shopping and have instead been eating through everything in the fridge and pantry first. I’m pretty much down to the dregs now – my dinner tonight consisted of a steamed carrot, a baked potato and a tin of baked beans mixed with quinoa. Surprisingly enjoyable actually.

Breakfast options tomorrow are limited to more quinoa, cream of mushroom soup, barley, or another steamed carrot. Hmmmm.

Went to a quiz night on Friday at East Fremantle oval. Our table ended up coming second out of about thirty-five, which isn’t too bad – well, apart from the fact that there were no second prizes. Justin helped himself to some of the fancy water bottles in retaliation.

That’s all I’ve got say 🙂

 

Greetings!

Judgement by the masses

Greetings to anyone studying blogs at my old stomping grounds of Central TAFE.

(Are there still arcade games in the cafeteria? And are the ground floor toilets still like something out of Saw? Ah, memories!)

Apparently you find my blog boring. I’m trying to think of something to say in response to that that doesn’t sound passive aggressive, and am failing miserably. So I’ll just say that’s cool, and promise in future to try and reach hitherto unsuspected and unexplored levels of tedium for your delectation!

TAFE on good people! TAFE on!

My Own Personal Superpower!

I can hear things you’ll never hear!

I love the internet.

Thanks to this Boing Boing article I am now aware that it’s not normal to hear the following things…

One’s own heartbeat when at rest
One’s eyes moving in their sockets
The creak of one’s own joints and vertebrae
Ones own footsteps transmitted through one’s skeleton
One’s chewing and digestion
A deafening roaring and ringing noise every time one yawns

…and since I can hear those things it’s almost certain that I have Superior Canal Dehiscence – a deformation of the bones around the ear which allows me to perceive all kinds of interesting body noises that normal people are deaf to. How cool is that!?

Of course I should hardly be surprised at any weirdness going on with my ears – they’re so messed up that it’s a minor miracle I can hear anything at all, let alone the inner workings of my own body. Happily I seem to be mostly free of the rest of the nasty symptoms listed on the Wikipedia page. It’ll be an interesting point to raise with my GP next time I see him though!

Why I Laugh?

I have no truck with the Gregorian Calendar!

I was wondering this morning where my Census form is, and speculating on whether the Government believes that I actually exist.

My coworkers pointed out that the Census is on August 9th.

I maintained my stance of puzzlement over where my Census form is, and wondered how I was to fill it out tonight if they didn’t sent me one.

My coworkers pointed out that today is August 2nd.

Oh, how we laughed!

Worst. Saturday. Ever.

Pointlessness

I had plans for this weekend. Enjoyable plans. I was meant to be heading up to John Forrest National park on Saturday with Ryan and Ali. However, things did not go that way…

I needed to get to the bank. I have to swap some large quantities of cash between my savings account at what I shall call Bank A and my normal, day to day account at Bank B, in order to pay for my trip next year. At the same time I have some heavy strata fees coming up and need to make sure I’ve got the cash free to handle them.

I also had a mysterious package to pick up at the post office. Not my normal, close-by post office, but the one in Inglewood, which is so badly sited that I need to take two buses to get to it. Making things even more fun was the fact that if I didn’t get there ASAP they were going to send it back to wherever it came from.

So, I reluctantly cancelled the trip to the national park, and girded my loins to get it all sorted on Saturday morning.

I got up early and had a nutritious breakfast. I then hopped online to check when the bank opened…

…and discovered that it no longer opens on Saturdays. “BASTARDS!” was my reaction, realising that I wouldn’t be able to get over there again until my next day off over a week away. So I revised my plans to skip the bank and headed out to catch the bus to Morley. Which I did.

The wrong bus.

It wasn’t a huge problem as the bus I got went to Morley anyway, it just took the scenic route and arrived five minutes after the connecting bus I wanted departed, meaning I’d have to sit around for half an hour for the next one. On the upside it did go past a noodle bar near the bus station, which I decided to stop into on my way back for lunch, as I was quite in the mood for noodles.

I waited around and got the next connecting bus, which carried me to Inglewood. I jumped off opposite the post office and walked up to the doors… to discover it wasn’t open on Saturdays.

“SINCE WHEN??” was about the most repeatable thing I said.

Considering my options I decided to walk to my parents’ place a few kms away, beg them to pick up the parcel f0r me on Monday and get the train home. So I began my trek. My trek through the rain, thinking about how I wouldn’t be able to get back to Morley and wouldn’t be able to have those noodles I was thinking of.

About halfway – Glory be! – I stumbled across a noodle shop! Fantastic! I crossed the road and walked up to the door. It was locked. It was locked in complete contradiction with the opening hours posted on it, saying it should have opened an hour beforehand. I swore some more and kept walking. Through the rain.

I was just approaching my parents’ street, when something horrible occurred to me. The item I was trying to pick up was an International Signature Item. Could you get other people to pick up an International Signature Item?

I checked the notification slip. No.

More swearing ensued.

By now I was a broken, beaten man. I gave up on visiting the parents and slouched my way to the railway station. I got the train home and crawled into bed, having spent several hours achieving NOTHING.

Bah!

Dolphins? Pah!

Dolphins are seriously overrated.

Just what is the big deal with dolphins?

Everywhere I turn, everyone seems to love dolphins. See the dolphins! tourism ads proclaim. Meet the dolphins! Swim with the dolphins! Swim with the WILD dolphins! Everyone seems to go completely gaga over the damn things.

Well, here’s the thing. Dolphins are seriously overrated.

I’ve met the dolphins. I’ve met the wild dolphins. And they completely failed to impress me in any way.

For many years Australia’s premiere site for communing with wild dolphins was Monkey Mia right here in WA. There are plenty of other places to see dolphins these days, but that was the first place where wild dolphins started coming into the beach and begging for food. It’s still a major tourist draw, despite being in the middle of nowhere, and we stopped off there to meet the dolphins on a family trip back when I was in high school.

And we did meet the dolphins. Or at least the dolphin, as only one turned up. In the midst of a big crowd of tourists we waded waist deep into the ocean and saw the dolphin. We saw the dolphin, we touched the dolphin, we listened to a lecture about the dolphin courtesy of the ranger minding the dolphin, a few randomly selected folk fed fish to the dolphin, the dolphin bit my brother, then got bored and swam away, and we waded out of the ocean.

That was it. No great revelation. No amazing sense of joy, wonder and communication with another intelligent being – just standing around in cold, salty water prodding at something that could have been a wetsuit full of custard for all the profundity it provided.

We returned to Monkey Mia a few years later with my Aunt who was out from the UK and wanted to meet the dolphins. We sat around on the beach until the dolphins arrived and everyone stampeded down to the water – everyone except me that was, as I was reading a rather good book and couldn’t see the point in putting it down to go and stand in the water, gawking at something rather dull that I’d had my fill of the last time.

Everyone was wildly concerned. Didn’t I want to see the dolphins they asked? Was I alright? Was I feeling ill? Was I – my Aunt asked quietly to spare me any embarrassment – scared of the dolphins? No, I explained. I was fine, I’d just seen the dolphins before and didn’t feel that I needed to see them again.

They all looked at me as if I was dangerously insane, but then the lure of the dolphins proved too much and they scurried down to the water, leaving me to my book, which was far more interesting than any cetacean could ever be.

Now, pinnidpeds – particularly the otariidae – I have time for. They’re smart, playful and entertaining, and you can interact with them without getting wet (well, too wet). They have personalities. But dolphins… dolphins are just dull, and fail to excite me.

Read into that what you will – if that is, you have any time for reading while there are dolphins around.

Casting out Ghosts

Yes, it’s one of those “who would play so-and-so” entries…

Woke up this morning intending to have a shower, shave, put a load of washing on and get into some much needed cleaning of the apartment. All of these aims have been frustrated by the revelation that I have no water.

There’s a lot of banging coming from the apartment next door, so I suspect they’re doing bathroom renovations and have managed to switch off my water along with their own. I’m tempted to head out to the… what do you call the place where all the pipes and taps are? A tap cupboard? That’ll have to do. I’m tempted to head out to the tap cupboard and start messing around in the hopes of restoring my water while leaving theirs off, but I’d probably screw up and spray scalding steam all over the renovators – not that that’s a completely unappealing idea in my current waterless mood.

Anyway, of late I’ve been indulging in my Imperial Guard fetish (oh man, that doesn’t sound good does it :)) by reading my way through Dan Abnett’s Gaunt’s Ghosts series. They’re bloody good reads (often summarised as Sharpe in space) and I’ve caught up all the way to Blood Pact, which I will commence upon as soon as Amazon gets its act together and actually delivers it.

When reading a sprawling novel series with a cast of dozens I generally find it useful to consider who I’d cast if I had an unlimited budget to produce a movie or TV series of it. This helps me keep everyone straight in my head. I’ve done this with some of the Ghosts, and – since this is my blog, I can do what I like with it and I’ve got nothing better to do while waiting for the water to be reconnected – I thought I’d list them here.

(I should note that this list is rather strongly influenced by one that I stumbled across online, lest anyone accuse me of casting decision plagiarism. I’d link to it if I could find it again)

Colonel-Commisar Ibram Gaunt: Daniel Craig. As far as I’m concerned Daniel Craig is Gaunt, which makes the current crop of James Bond films rather odd viewing 🙂

Major Elim Rawne: Eric Bana. I think he could easily pull off the combination of charisma and menace required for Rawne.

Master Sniper Hlaine ‘Mad’ Larkin: Hugh Laurie. Not an obvious choice but I reckon Laurie would make a really impressive Larkin. Everyone thinks of him as House of course, and as far as personality goes you couldn’t get much further apart than the domineering doctor and the mentally vulnerable sniper, but Laurie is such a gifted actor that I think he could do it, and do it well. You’d just need to give him a different accent (which you’d be doing anyway) and haircut so everyone doesn’t think “House!” any time he appears on screen.

Sergeant Agun Soric: Bob Hoskins. Another casting choice that just seems to work for me. Hoskins is Soric.

Chief Scout Sergeant Oan Mkoll: Robert Carlyle. Another from the casting list that I stumbled over. At first I thought it was a ridiculous idea, as Carlyle looks nothing like the Mkoll in my head, but after watching his performance in this week’s episode of Stargate Universe I’ve reversed my opinion. He’d make a great Mkoll.

Eszrah ap Niht: Jason Momoa. Momoa seems to be the go-to-guy for big menacing dudes in sci-fi/fantasy at the moment. I can’t recall if Eszrah is meant to be particularly big, but he’s certainly menacing, which makes him seem big 🙂

Major Gol Kolea: Tahmoh Penikett. He’s probably a bit young to really be (former) family man Gol Kolea, but I reckon he’d do the job.

Ayatani Zweil: John Hurt. If he wasn’t willing to commit to an ongoing role, Hurt would also make a great Lord Militant General Noches Sturm.

Trooper Brinn Milo: Colin Morgan. Get rid of that ridiculous haircut and he’d make a great Milo.

Sanian/Saint Sabbat: Ellen Page. Now that’s a casting completely out of left field I know, but I suspect that if she could handle the role, she’d be fantastic in it. Put her on the audition list and see how she goes.

So that’s where my casting list stands at the moment. Yes, it leaves out a bunch of important characters, but I simply haven’t decided who should play them yet. I know I did have a great idea for Varl, but can’t remember who it was. So, roll on the pilot episode people! Let’s get this underway! ;D

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