How to Greet a Scotsman

Should one spy a Scotsman and wish to extend the fellow a friendly greeting, utilise the following procedure…

1: Gain his attention with a loud cry of “Och Aye!”
2: Make eye contact. Maintain steady eye contact throughout the following steps.
3: After a pause of a few seconds, make a fist with one’s left hand and raise the corresponding arm up until it is level, pointing straight at the Scotsman’s face.
4: Stride forward purposefully and boldly with stiff legs until one’s fist is just short of the Scotsman’s face.
5: Announce loudly “Can’t see ye Jimmy!” in one’s best Scotch accent, and await the response of “Och Aye the Noo!” at which point polite conversation may commence.

In carrying out this time honoured tradition one will show oneself to be a ‘true highlander’ and gain the respect of all Scotch folk in the vicinity.

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