Long time readers may remember my post about Lovecraft World, the fictional Cthulhu Mythos theme park I did a TAFE assignment about way back in the heady days of the late 1990s. This was a theoretical amusement park that really tried to get into the spirit of Lovecraft’s oeuvre by killing, maiming and driving-into-insanity it’s patrons in the manner of a particularly bleak and bloodthirsty Disneyland where Mickey has fangs and tentacles.
Well, it turns out that Lovecraft world wasn’t entirely a product of my imagination, as it seems to have manifested itself in late 70’s New Jersey in the form of Action Park.
Attractions at Action park included…
- An Alpine slide cart ride with two speeds – abysmally slow and “death awaits”.
- A skateboard park so badly built that it was closed and filled in after one season.
- Go carts that were used as 80kmph bumper cars and gassed their riders into unconsciousness.
- Tanks that could shoot high velocity tennis balls at each other or, more often, park employees.
- Speedboats that raced around a snake infested pond at dangerous speeds.
- Bumper boats that raced around a second snake infested pond and randomly sprayed petrol over their pilots.
- A bungee cord slingshot ride that induced whiplash.
- An enclosed water slide that did a vertical loop, resulting in facial and back injuries and the occasional trapping of patrons.
- A wave pool so terrifying that people got injured just trying to get out of it.
- A whitewater ride with an electrified riverbed.
- A tarzan swing with water so cold that it caused paralysis and heart attacks.
- A raft ride that often dislocated and broke limbs.
- A second raft ride that took patrons through a pitch dark tunnel, lined with sharp rocks.
- A diving attraction that allowed patrons to plummet seven metres down onto unsuspecting swimmers.
- A ride where patrons were skimmed over a shallow, concrete lined pool at high speed. If they sat exactly right, and weren’t hit by other patrons.
- A skydiving simulator that severed nerves.
I am speechless. Abdul Alhazred would be proud!
