Lagerphone Fever

Sports. Bah.

So, Australia didn’t get the 2022 World Cup. Big deal. I mean it’s not like it’s quidditch. I suppose it would have been nice to get more than a single vote though.

At least it solves the problem of us having to come up with an instrument as annoying as the vuvuzella. Personally I was going to nominate the lagerphone.

Carn the… oh who cares?

Football! Football football football! FOOTBALL!!

This weekend it’s that “one day in September”, the culmination of the Australian sporting year, the AFL Grand Final. I really don’t care.

Of course this shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who knows me. I tend to regard sport as a waste of time that could more profitably be spent reading books or looking up humorous cat photos on Google. But the thing about this year’s grand final is I really don’t care.

You see I do take a very vague interest in the AFL. Not in the sense that I’d go to a game, or even watch one on TV. But I do very vaguely support a few teams, and am mildly pleased when they do well.

For instance, for reasons of geographic patriotism I very vaguely support the two Western Australian teams, West Coast (the Eagles) and Fremantle (the Dockers). I’m always slightly pleased when they crush teams from the Eastern States. On occasions where they play each other I tend to more or less favour the Dockers, since my brain still regards them as a new, underdog team in need of support – despite the fact that they’ve been around for over a decade now and did really well this season.

For historical reasons I vaguely support Essendon (the Bombers) and weakly despise Geelong (the Cats). I also have a slight fondness for Port Adelaide (the Power), for no reason that I can adequately explain.

None of these teams are in the grand final this year. Instead it’s between Collingwood (the Magpies) and Saint Kilda (the Saints). I have absolutely no opinion, positive or negative about these two teams, and as such couldn’t care less who wins.

(I suppose if I really think about it I’d prefer the Saints to win, because it would annoy Eddie McGuire. But really, that’s about it.)

Anyway, roll on Saturday, so we can get this over and done with for another year!

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